Sue Mary Story formerly Not a MarySue
by Silvawen the Elf Crumpet
Summary: I would think that it would be pretty obvious from the title. What happens when a young woman who hates Legolas joins the fellowship? This fanfic, that's what! Ch. 48 up thnx 4 the title Alessandra :: FINISHED ::
1. A Stereotypical young woman

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.  
  
A/N: This is your last warning. Flames will be mocked and then disregarded. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's not f*cking rocket science! Now that's out of the way, let me explain 2 things to you all: 1) This was thought up during a discussion with Mary-Jo (GoT) about Legolas. I came to the conclusion that, if I had read the book before seeing the film, I probably wouldn't like Legolas, at all. He's so damn poncy in the book! Mary-Jo suggested that we write it and post it, so we have! YAY! 2) I've said it before and I'll it again. I'm no good at thinking up proper LotR style names. But she's actually called Christina for two reasons. She hates Legolas (there's no proper reason why, she just does) and Orlando Bloom's girlfriend is Christina Ricci (F*cking b*tch). Therefore, if I make her hate Legolas it will make me feel better. Simple! The second reason you shall find out at the end! And, in case you were wondering, she's a, sort of, alternative personality for Michelle. Anyhoo, I hope you like it. We do! Some of the ideas had us in stitches! R&r, blah, blah, blah! You don't need to be told. Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
______________________  
  
Once again, this is Guardian of Tears, Elfie's not here as she's on holiday blah, blah, blah. (Read chapter 15 of 'A new enemy' for the full story). Now I'll just let you read, alright.  
  
READ!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear." Gandalf walked over and stood behind Frodo. Aragorn stood up from his seat.  
  
"If, by my life or death, I can protect, I will. You have my sword."  
  
"And you have my bow." Legolas stepped forward.  
  
"And my axe." Gimli stepped forward, also, and shot a dark look at Legolas. Boromir walked toward the hobbit.  
  
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. If this is, indeed, the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."  
  
"Here! Mr Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam leapt out from behind a bush and ran to his master's side.  
  
"No, indeed, it seems hardly possible to separate you. Even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not." Elrond said with a smirk. Two other hobbits appeared from their hiding places.  
  
"Oi! We're coming too! You'd have to send home, tied up in a sack, to stop us!" said Merry.  
  
"Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this type of mission. quest. thing." Pippin said, confidently.  
  
"Well, that rules you out, Pip." Merry whispered. And fairly young woman shoved her way through the middle off the nine men, very ungracefully.  
  
"And you can have my. um. me! Yeah, you can have me! I would say sword, he already said it." She said.  
  
"Christina, you can't go." Said Elrond, unenthusiastically. He would actually be glad when she went. This was just part of the plan to make her more determined to go. He was often lumbered with her. When the total population of Rohan were on the verge of suicide (because of her), she was sent to Rivendell for whatever reason they could think of. She turned to look at him.  
  
"And why not? That's what I was sent here for."  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
"That's exactly the point. I'm the only representative of Rohan, so I'm going. Got that? I'm going." She glared at Elrond and then looked expectantly at the others. They nodded their heads anxiously  
  
"So be it. You shall be the fellowship of the Ring." Elrond said, monotonously.  
  
"Good." She said. "Now who have we got here?" They were standing in a line and, as she pointed to each of them, they said their names. "But no titles." She warned.  
  
"Frodo."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"Merry."  
  
"Pippin."  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
"Legolas."  
  
"Gandalf."  
  
"Boromir."  
  
"Gimli." Christina was a very stereotypical person. She had only to glance at a person and she made a judgement. But, the weird thing was, she was very often right. The predictions she made about fellowship were (in the order they said their names):  
  
"Gay, gay, gay, gay, glory-hunter, very gay, pervert, obsessed. what is that?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Gandalf said, speaking for all of them.  
  
"Why? What have you done?" said Pippin, but he was ignored.  
  
"They were my preconceptions about you all. In order, if you were wondering. It's a habit. Everyone I've ever met has been summarised into one or two words."  
  
"Why am I very gay?" said Legolas, indignantly. "I'm not gay!" 'There's always one.' She thought.  
  
"Sure, sweetie. Whatever you say." 'The others have accepted what I think of them. But, he has to be difficult.' She decided she didn't like him. "I'll have you know, I'm rarely wrong about these things."  
  
"Well, I'm telling you now, you're wrong this time!"  
  
"If you say so." She started to walk away. "Call me when you're going." And she was gone.  
  
"That's why we don't need women." Legolas said, once she'd left. "Remind me why she has to go."  
  
"Because she is NOT staying here!" said Elrond.  
  
A/N: Not very funny, as yet, but it'll be funny later. Like most things I do, the better ideas are further into the book/film. Anyhoo, I'll go now! Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Final Note: Please review as Elfie would love to have some reviews to come back to. ~Guardian of Tears 


	2. The eyes and ears of the Fellowship?

Chapter 2  
  
They had been travelling for two weeks when the weather made a delightful change. It went from cold, windy and overcast to sunny, windless and cloudless. They made they're way, steadily, eastward, towards the mountains. With each new dawn, they grew closer.  
  
Christina was starting to wonder whether coming with them was such a good idea. She was already feeling the effects of lack of food, even though they were all being fed enough. She got on with everyone, generally, but Legolas was annoying her, beyond belief. Everything about him was just so perfect. He was also very stuck up. According to Aragorn, most Elves were, but he was constantly doing or saying things to remind everyone. She was trying to refrain from hitting him, but it wasn't easy and she knew she would very soon, at this rate.  
  
"Gandalf, can we stop yet? We've been walking for 5 hours!" moaned Pippin.  
  
"Yeah, come on, Gandalf, we're tired and hungry." Merry said. "And you know that's not a good combination in hobbits."  
  
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt for a while, even if it is daylight." He replied. Merry and Pippin were shocked that their complaining had worked. Normally, he told them to shut up. They didn't complain though.  
  
Gimli lit a fire and Frodo and Sam began to cook some food for everyone. Boromir and Aragorn were giving Merry and Pippin a lesson in how to use a sword. Gandalf was sitting thinking and Legolas was staring into the sky. 'The freak that he is.' Christina thought. She had something to eat to satisfy the rumblings in her stomach and then took to sightseeing. She looked around the landscape to see what could be seen from where they were. Not a lot was the answer. Mountains, rocks and grass were about as far as the scenery went. She then took her gaze to the sky. The sky was cloudless apart from one, single, dark black cloud quite a distance away. 'How odd.' She thought. She turned to ask what it was but Sam beat her too it.  
  
"What is that?" He said.  
  
"Nothing." Grumbled Gimli. "It's just a wisp of cloud." Boromir shook his head.  
  
"It's moving fast, and against the wind."  
  
"Crebain from Dunland!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, for crying out loud!" Christina shouted. She walked over to him and slapped him, hard. His hand shot up to the reddened cheek.  
  
"What was that for?!"  
  
"You wait until we can all see for ourselves what it bloody well is until you tell us! You're a bloody Elf! You should have been able to tell us about 10 minutes ago what it was! Or so is the impression you've been giving us for the past two weeks!" They both suddenly realised that the Crebain were drawing ever closer. They dove underneath rocks in the hope that they hadn't been spotted.  
  
Once the birds had passed overhead a few times, they suffered to leave their hiding places. They would have to move at some time. But, Legolas didn't care about the birds at the moment.  
  
"You had no right to hit me!" He hissed to Christina, still holding his sore cheek.  
  
"You are meant to be the eyes and ears of this fellowship! Of what good are you going to be if you don't tell us what's coming until it's too late?!"  
  
"That's no reason to hit me!"  
  
"That's every reason to hit you!"  
  
"It's not my fault!"  
  
"Yes it is! You're the one who didn't speak. If you couldn't see, I'd understand, but you can. You've spent the last two weeks asking everybody if they can 'see that tree to the west' or 'hear that eagle calling'. And then when they say no, you indiscreetly remind them that you're better than them, because you're an Elf. Or so you think." Legolas had nothing to say to this. It was true, he been bragging a little bit, but he hadn't meant it in a horrible way. He was just proud.  
  
Gandalf made the decision to take the pass of Caradhras. As they climbed the mountain, the weather rapidly worsened. The light snowfall soon turned into harsh blizzards. They ended up in a line. Gandalf at the front, forcing a path through the snow for the others. Christina was at the back and getting very annoyed. Legolas was walking lightly over the snow, without leaving so much as an imprint. An idea flashed into her mind and she didn't think twice about it. In an instant, Legolas came crashing to the ground, much to Christina's delight. She managed to let go of his ankle and jump back just in time to not be hit or hurt. He leapt up and glared at her.  
  
"What was that for?" He shouted of the noise of the wind.  
  
"It wasn't me." She said, innocently.  
  
"Yes, it was! You grabbed my ankle!"  
  
"No, I didn't. It's not my fault if you're clumsy."  
  
"I've never stumbled in my life! I'm graceful!"  
  
"Gay. Well, there's a first time for everything." Legolas gave up. He knew what happened, even if she wouldn't admit it. He could tell if someone had their hand on his ankle or not. He caught up with the Company, but walked quite a way behind Christina. He didn't want a repeat performance. He then walked in front of the fellowship and strained his head forward.  
  
"There is a fell voice on the air." He said. He looked at Gandalf.  
  
"GAY! So, tell us. What does that mean?" He heard a female voice shout from the other end of the line.  
  
"If you don't know, then find out from someone who wants to talk to you." A shrill laugh erupted.  
  
"You don't know, do you?" Christina shouted. "HA! Acting all big and important and you don't know yourself! HA!"  
  
"Shut up and let me listen!" Gandalf said, irritably. "It's Saruman!" When this was realised, Gandalf battled with him. The two wizards shouted enchantments at the mountain and Saruman proved the better, on this occasion. A lightning bolt hit the tip of the mountain causing the snow to slide, burying them all.  
  
They soon emerged, cold and annoyed.  
  
"What did you go and do that for?!" Christina yelled at Gandalf. "We're worse off than ever now!"  
  
"It matters not!" said Boromir. "But, we must get off the mountain. Head for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road round to my city."  
  
"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!" said Aragorn.  
  
"If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it." Gimli said. "Let us go through the mines of Moria."  
  
"Mines? Mines sound good!" said Frodo. "I'm cold and hungry! Mines will be warm! Please can we go, Gandalf? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!"  
  
"I was about to say let the Ringbearer decide, but I think he already has." Answered Gandalf. "Then, Moria it is, but I don't like it." 


	3. Absolutely Bloody Hilarious

A/N: I don't give a damn about women's rights or any of that crap, OK?! Just so you know. And this is a very long chapter, but quite funny! (I hope)  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"The Walls of Moria." Gimli whispered. They made their way around the lake and came to where the entrance should have been. Christina was confused.  
  
"Um, how do we get in?" she said to Gandalf. "Because that's always a good thing. Getting in."  
  
"The doorway is made of Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." Legolas said, unenthusiastically. "We'll have to wait until the moon comes out from behind the clouds." She shot him a dark look.  
  
"Did I ask you? No, I don't think so, so go away." She said.  
  
"I was only trying to help."  
  
"Well don't!" She turned her back on him and looked to Gandalf.  
  
"Look!" said Pippin. "The moons coming out. Will we see the door now?" But no one answered. They didn't need to. The doorway began to glow brilliantly. There was an elvish inscription above it.  
  
"It reads: 'The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter." Gandalf read.  
  
"What do you suppose that means?" Merry said, wonderingly.  
  
"Oh, it's quite simple. If you are a friend you speak the password and the doors will open." Gandalf placed his staff on the star in centre of the door. "Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen!" He exclaimed, but nothing happened. It was Gandalf's turn to be confused.  
  
"That was good." Boromir said, sarcastically.  
  
"Oi! It's my job to be sarcastic, not yours!" said Christina. Gandalf tried many other variations of the phrase but none of them worked.  
  
"So," Pippin said, "What are we going to do now, Granddad? No, I mean, Gandalf! I'm sorry! Oh shit!" Christina slapped Pippin.  
  
"Pippin! Language!" He looked more shocked than hurt.  
  
"Ow. But they swear!" He said, defensively. He pointed at the other hobbits.  
  
"They're older."  
  
"But I'm 29!" he whined. She had to think for a moment for something to say back.  
  
"Well, you don't act like it." Legolas let out a very high laugh, which made everyone turn and look at him strangely.  
  
"Gay." They all said, at the same time.  
  
"I'm not gay!" he demanded. Christina had to lean against a rock for support because she was laughing so much. She was very happy at the outcome of her constant teasing.  
  
"I've taught you all well!" she managed to say. When she eventually calmed down, she turned to Legolas. "You see, it must be true because everyone else agrees with me." He glared at her. It was bad enough getting it in the neck from her twenty-four seven, let alone the rest of them.  
  
"Oh come on, Legolas." Merry said. "It's just a bit of fun. You know we're only joking."  
  
"Who's joking?" Christina said, a bit distantly. Her eyes had latched onto some pieces of paper on the floor. She walked to them and picked them up. "What's this?" She opened it and couldn't believe what she saw. She was totally disgusted by the thought that this stuff actually existed. It was Legolas' fan mail.  
  
"There are some seriously sick people out there." She said. Legolas suddenly realised what she was holding in her hand and seemed to have read her mind, for a brief moment, and then an evil grin flickered across her face. "How did this get here, Legolas?" she said.  
  
"What is it?" Sam asked.  
  
"I don't know." Legolas answered, quickly. "I woke up one morning and it was just there."  
  
"Of course, Legolas. Now tell me why you expect me to believe that."  
  
"What is it?" Sam said again, just as patiently as the first time.  
  
"Shall I show them, Legolas?" she said, teasingly. "I often wondered why you always offered to go at the back. Look, admit to me that you have your fan mail forwarded to you and I might just be nice and only read one out."  
  
"Please don't." He pleaded, but he knew she was going to anyway.  
  
"Very well. Now then, what have we here?" She cleared her throat. " 'Dear Legolas, I'm writing to let you know that I think you're wonderful. You're archery and hunting knife skills are amazing and I think you're gorgeous!' " She glanced at Legolas, shook her head and continued " 'I wish my boyfriend was like you. I absolutely love you and I hope I will meet you one day. With love from your No.1 fan, L-La' oh, something. I can't read her signature." The hobbits were giggling madly and Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir were trying to muffle their sniggers. Gandalf wasn't interested. 'I never realised being evil could be THIS much fun.' Christina thought. 'Maybe I'll enjoy this fellowship thing after all.'  
  
"Number two." She continued. "OK, maybe we won't read that one. I don't think it's possible to decode that handwriting. What's this one got in it?" She glanced over it and her eyes widened in horror. "Oh my Eru! Take it away! My eyes! My virgin eyes!"  
  
"Huh, virgin." A voice said, very quietly, but not quietly enough. She span round to face the direction the voice came from.  
  
"Who said that?!" she hissed. "Who's dissing my purity?! It was you, wasn't it?!" She pointed at Pippin.  
  
"It wasn't me." He said, timidly. She frowned.  
  
"No, not you. The guy behind you." Legolas frowned.  
  
"You know my name." He said. By the look on her face, she was plotting something. Another evil grin swept across her face.  
  
"Yes, Leggy-lulu." She replied.  
  
"What?! What did you just call me?!"  
  
"Leggy-lulu." She said. "It's your new name, I've decided."  
  
"You can't just go changing my name!" he said, indignantly.  
  
"Sure she can, Leggy-lulu." Pippin said, gleefully. He obviously liked it but Legolas wasn't impressed. 'He is way too impressionable!' Legolas slapped him.  
  
"Don't call me that!" he said. Christina then slapped Legolas.  
  
"Don't hit Pippin! That's my job and he didn't deserve it!" she said. Aragorn slapped Christina.  
  
"Legolas had every right to!" he said. Merry slapped Aragorn.  
  
"That's for hitting a woman!" he said. Boromir slapped Merry.  
  
"That's for hitting a woman, as well!" he said. Aragorn slapped Boromir.  
  
"What are you saying?!" Gandalf was getting very fed up with all the slapping of each other and pathetic excuses for those slaps. So, he stood up and hit Aragorn on the head with his staff.  
  
"Everyone shut up! We all know you were only sticking up for your boyfriend." Legolas slapped Gandalf.  
  
"I'M NOT GAY!!!" He shouted. It was boring waiting for your turn to hit someone so a fight started between everyone who had hit or been hit by someone. Sam and Gimli joined in for the hell of it, leaving Frodo standing alone. He watched with a half-smile on his face. He'd been brought up to know violence didn't solve anything but it was quite funny watching them all fighting.  
  
Christina was in the middle of holding Merry in a headlock when she noticed Legolas was having a bitch fight with Boromir.  
  
"GAY!" she shouted.  
  
"I'm not gay!" he yelled. Forgetting about Boromir, he took of one of his boots and threw it at her. She ducked just in time and it went sailing over her head and hit Sam. He wasn't happy and took it upon himself to get revenge. So, he ran up to Legolas and jumped on his back.  
  
"VERY GAY! OW!" She shouted as Merry aimed a blow at her face and hit it, right on target. This went on for some time and Frodo started to get very bored, so he made himself a sandwich. But, he almost dropped it when a huge scream emerged from the cloud of dust.  
  
"SSTOOOPPPP!!!" They all stopped and let the dust settle. The various positions people had ended up in were quite humorous. The hobbits were hanging from Aragorn's arm by their teeth, one of Christina's fists was about an inch away from Legolas' face and she was examining the other hand carefully, Legolas' hair looked afro, Gimli was caught on a tree branch by his trousers, his nose hair unbraided and unruly (He largely resembled an electrocuted cat), Boromir was doubled over, clutching his vulnerable spot and Gandalf's staff was broken.  
  
"My knob! My knob! I've lost my knob!" he cried. Everyone looked slowly at him and then away, not wanting to know what he was talking about. Christina brought the attention back to herself.  
  
"Someone broke my nail!" she wailed. "And I'm going to find out who!"  
  
"But, we were all fighting. How can you tell?" Aragorn said, whilst trying to shake the hobbits off his arm, unsuccessfully.  
  
"I can tell." She said through gritted teeth. She looked at Legolas. "First you diss my purity then you break my nail." She slapped him a lot harder than the first time.  
  
"I did no such thing!" He hit her back.  
  
"Yes you did!" Another bitch fight broke out. The others were very bored of watching fights, so they turned their attention back to trying to open the door. Eventually, Frodo worked out that it was a riddle.  
  
"What's the elvish for friend?"  
  
"Up yours, Leggy-lulu!" Christina screamed.  
  
"Um, I don't think that's it." Said Boromir.  
  
"Stop calling me that!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"I'll fucking well call you what I fucking well want!"  
  
"I don't think that's it either." Merry said. Christina got bored of slapping so she twisted her fingers in his hair and yanked his head down so that it was just below her own level.  
  
"You're name is Leggy-lulu." And she threw him in the water.  
  
"Do not disturb the water." Aragorn said. But, Christina just gave him a demeaning look. Satisfied that she's sufficiently embarrassed Legolas, she sat down and struck up a conversation with Merry.  
  
"Mellon." Gandalf said.  
  
"You what?" said Christina, and as she did the doors opened. 


	4. Bloke Chat

Chapter 4  
  
"Why didn't anyone mention that thing before?" Christina said, whilst trying to catch her breath. Just as the doors opened, a great watcher in the water had grabbed Frodo's ankle and dragged him into the water. They had managed to get him back safely, but the watcher then pulled the door down, trapping them in the mines.  
  
"Well, one reason might be. We didn't know it was there!!!" Aragorn said.  
  
"Don't yell at me. It was a simple question."  
  
"That only a simple person would ask." Legolas said. He automatically raised an arm to block his face, to stop her from slapping him. But he wasn't prepared for what happened next. She walked over to Legolas, paused for a moment and smiled.  
  
"Uh-oh." Pippin whispered. She lifted her right knee back and slammed it into his - to put it politely - elfhood.  
  
"Now then, hadn't we better be moving on." She said, sweetly. Legolas was curled up on the floor, whimpering, but she just walked away as if nothing had happened. They all stood there looking uncomfortable. They all felt extremely sorry for Legolas and wanted to help him but it was his own fault and they didn't want to get on the wrong side of Christina.  
  
"Um, what about him?" Sam said, awkwardly, afraid of the outcome. She glanced over her shoulder and did actually feel a twang of guilt and sympathy for the Elf. She sighed, impatiently.  
  
"Help him up." She said. "I suppose we should wait until he feels better. In that state, he'll only delay us, right Gandalf?"  
  
"Um, yeah, a bit." He replied, nervously.  
  
Being an Elf, Legolas recovered quicker from his infliction than any of the others would have done. Once he was able to walk again, they moved on. But just before they did, Christina surprised them all.  
  
"Sorry Legolas." She said. Every looked at her strangely. She was apologising? Was she feeling OK? "Don't get me wrong," She added, seeing everyone's faces, "I still hate you, but maybe I took it a little too far this time."  
  
"Gee, thanks." He said. 'Well, at least there was an apology.' He thought. 'Even if she didn't go about it very well.'  
  
"Moving on, it's a four day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed." Gandalf said, as they began to walk. They made their way through the darkness at a fairly slow pace. All the light they had came from Gandalf's staff and a small torch that Aragorn held. After a few hours, they came to a standstill. There was a wide dark arch, opening into three passages. They all seemed to head eastward but one went downward, one went straight and one went up.  
  
"I have no memory of this place." Gandalf muttered. So, they rested whilst they decided which tunnel they were to take.  
  
After listening to a conversation between Merry and Pippin, Christina came to the conclusion that she absolutely adored hobbits, especially Pippin, and that she wanted one. 'Bless them.' She thought. 'They're so sweet. I want one to keep. '  
  
"Are we lost?" Pippin said.  
  
"No." Merry replied.  
  
"I think we are."  
  
"Shhh!"  
  
"Merry."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm hungry." She couldn't contain a giggle. They looked at her quizzically.  
  
"Sorry," she said, "It's just you two are sooooo cute. It's unbelievable!" She went over and sat by them. Boromir shook his head and turned to Aragorn.  
  
"What does she want with a hobbit, when she can have a manly man? Like me, for example!" He said, quietly so she didn't hear him.  
  
"I know, some blokes have all the luck." Aragorn said.  
  
"I wouldn't let Arwen hear you speaking like that," Legolas said, "Plus the fact, you're about three times Christina's age, aren't you?"  
  
"I wasn't implying I'm not lucky, I was merely making a statement." He said, quickly. "Actually, how old is Christina?"  
  
"I don't know. I'd say about 20, possibly younger." Boromir said. "What do you reckon, Legolas?"  
  
"Something like that. Why don't you ask her?"  
  
"Ask me what?" She said, hearing the last bit of the conversation.  
  
"Er. nothing." They said together.  
  
"Don't mess me about. What did you want to know?"  
  
"Legolas was wondering how old you are." Said Boromir.  
  
"I was not! It was Aragorn who asked."  
  
"But you made the comment about age, in the first place." Aragorn interrupted.  
  
"I don't see what it's got to do with any of you." She said. "But, if you must know, I'm 25."  
  
"You don't look it." Aragorn said, before he could stop himself.  
  
"Really. How fascinating."  
  
"Oh, it's that way!" said Gandalf, suddenly.  
  
"He's remembered." Merry said, happily.  
  
"No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, young Meriadoc, always follow your nose." He chose the tunnel on the left that headed down. It eventually opened out into a great hall. "I think we'll risk a little more light." His staff began to glow brilliantly illuminating a very large proportion of the hall. "Behold the great realm of the of the Dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf."  
  
"Well, there's an eye opener and no mistake." Sam said and they all stood there in awe. 


	5. Spongeface

Chapter 5  
  
They walked on, marvelling at the vastness of the room they stood in. Its sheer size and accuracy was amazing. Even Legolas couldn't fault it. Gimli was on the verge of tears.  
  
"Whoa." Christina whispered as she walked, speaking for everyone. "This is big."  
  
"Nah." Said Gandalf. Suddenly, Gimli stood still as stone.  
  
"No." He said, and ran towards an open door.  
  
"Gimli!" Gandalf barked, fiercely, but he paid no attention. They followed him into the room and him kneeling at the foot of a found a large tomb. They surrounded it and Gandalf read the inscription.  
  
" 'Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria.' He is dead then, it's as I feared." He handed his hat and staff to Pippin and then began to look around the room, but for what, the others couldn't guess.  
  
"We must move on." Legolas whispered to Aragorn. "We cannot linger."  
  
"Puff." Christina mocked. He couldn't think of a way to retaliate, so he just stuck out his tongue at her. "How mature."  
  
Gandalf spotted a book, held by a skeleton, and picked it up. It was a record of the fortunes of Balin's folk.  
  
"They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long, the ground shakes. Drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming."  
  
"Way to go on depressing a girl." Christina said, when he'd finished. But, at the same moment, Pippin knocked a skeleton into the well. Everyone jumped and looked at him. The noise echoed around the mines many, many times before it finally stopped. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!" He snatched his things out of Pippin's hands and turned his back on the small, shaking, frightened hobbit.  
  
"You can talk! At least Pippin didn't dump an avalanche on our heads!" Christina immediately leapt to Pippin's defence. "You. you. you spongeface!!!"  
  
"Spongeface?" Legolas and Aragorn said.  
  
"You could have called me anything and you said spongeface? Oh well, suits me down to the ground." Gandalf replied. That wasn't the reaction she'd hoped for. She wasn't exactly sure what she'd hoped for, but she knew that wasn't it.  
  
Drums, suddenly, began to sound. Quiet and slow to start with, but then they got louder and faster. Sam glanced down at Frodo's sword.  
  
"Mr. Frodo!" He gasped. He drew the sword and it was glowing blue. Then they heard the hideous cry of an orc, not far from where they were.  
  
"Orcs!" Legolas exclaimed. Christina slapped him again.  
  
"How many more times?!?!?!" She cried. "Tell us BEFORE we already bloody well know! I swear to almighty Eru, I will kill you before we're done with this whole quest thing!" He ignored what had just happened and ran over to the door to help Aragorn and Boromir block it.  
  
"Get back and stay close to Gandalf!" Aragorn yelled.  
  
"I can look after myself, you know!" Christina said, indignantly. "I would have thought you'd have noticed that by now. I'm not a kid!" Boromir stuck his head out of the door to see how close they were and almost ended up with two arrows in it. He quickly pulled back. A huge roar was heard as well.  
  
"They have a cave troll." He said. Gimli leapt up on the tomb.  
  
"Let them come!" He growled. "There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!" Furious pounding began on the blocked doors. The door began to split and a very thin hole formed in the centre of one of the panels. Legolas fired an arrow at the hole and hit the target exactly. 'He might be a ponce, but he's bloody good with a bow and arrow. I couldn't do that. I still hate him though. Big girl's blouse.' She thought.  
  
The Orcs finally broke through and many of them were met by arrow or sword, but more and more forced their way into the small room. The fellowship weren't in trouble, as such, but they were struggling to be victorious. Then a cave troll smashed its way through the door. It startled Christina so much, she almost dropped her sword in mid-swing but she managed to keep her grip and cleanly chopped off an orc's head.  
  
"EEEWWW!!!" Christina shouted. "I have nasty orc blood on my hands! Eww! Eww! Eww! Get it off! Get it off!" She ran over to Legolas and wiped it on his back, but unfortunately he didn't notice. 'Note to self: Tell Legolas, later, I wiped orc blood on his back. Hehe.' But, she couldn't revel in the idea of getting Legolas riled for much longer, because the cave troll swung its club at her and she had to dive out of the way to avoid being smushed.  
  
"Bugger!" She cried, getting out of the way just in time. "By the Valar, I hate fighting!"  
  
"You're having a laugh, aren't you?" Legolas voice cried from across the room. The cave troll had turned on him. "It's all you ever do!"  
  
"I don't mind fighting with you!" She shouted back. "I know I'll win with you! With orcs, there's a small possibility of - Bugger off! Can't you see I'm having a conversation!" A charging orc stopped charging at her. He wasn't used to being shouted at by women. So, she took up this opportunity and chopped off his head. "I'm still good at it though!"  
  
Eventually, Pippin and Legolas managed to kill the cave troll and the orcs were dead too. Frodo had been skewered but it turned out he was OK. He was wearing a mithril coat. All he had to worry about was a couple of broken ribs and a bit of bruising.  
  
"You could do with one of them, Leggy. Maybe you wouldn't get hurt so bad, by a girl." He scowled at that name and the 'by a girl' remark, but he knew there was no way to make her stop saying it. And if he retaliated, she would only be worse. "Ah, crud! More?" She moaned, as they heard more orcs approaching.  
  
"To the bridge of Khazard-Dûm!" Gandalf said, hurrying them through the door, back into the great hall in which they stood before. But as they ran, orcs followed. There was easily 100 orcs to each person of the fellowship and they were soon surrounded.  
  
"Well, we're obviously going to die now, so before I do, I would just like to say," Christina began, "1) Orcs are smelly and stupid!!! Yeah, you! I'm talking about you! 2) Pippin, you are the most adorable person I have ever met in my entire life. I wish all men were like you, possibly not as short, though. And 3) Legolas, I don't really hate you all that much. Just a little bit. Sorry, again, kneeing you in the-" She was cut off by a loud, rumbling noise. It deeply disturbed the orcs. It sounded again. This time, the orcs scattered. Legolas readied his bow, but he soon let it down again. Suddenly, realisation dawned in his mind.  
  
"Ai!" He cried, making the others jump. "Ai! 'Tis a Balrog! A Balrog is come!" Christina smiled. 'Perfect excuse.' She slapped him.  
  
"Stop over-reacting! So what if it's a Balrog? Provided we run, like now, we have nothing to worry about!" They all knew that wasn't a suggestion, it was an order. They all began to run where Gandalf directed them and they soon found themselves at the top of a lot more stairs.  
  
"Considering we're underground, there's a hell of a lot of stairs." Pippin said, as only he or Christina would do at a time like this. They got halfway down and found a section was missing. They had to jump across it. Legolas went first. 'What a surprise.' Gandalf went second. 'I'm not standing for this.' Boromir was about to grab Merry and Pippin to jump but she wriggled in front of them and jumped. She fell right into Legolas' arms. 'Not good.'  
  
"Eww! Get off me!" She turned around to tell the others to hurry up and got the shock of her life. Boromir, Merry and Pippin were flying at her. It was a good job she had quick reflexes, or she would now be flying herself. Flying down the crevasse, that is.  
  
It took a while, but they were finally all on the same side. They continued to run down the steps and towards the bridge, but as they did, the Balrog took it upon himself to start chasing them. They reached the bridge and all of them crossed it except Gandalf. He faced the Balrog.  
  
"You cannot pass!" He exclaimed.  
  
"Gandalf!" Frodo cried.  
  
"Gandalf! Maybe you should consider a change of profession! This one isn't exactly going your way, is it?" Christina said. He ignored all the comments being made about him.  
  
"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will never avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the shadow. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" A white light flashed and dust rose from the bridge. The Balrog went to walk across the bridge, but it cracked at his feet. He tumbled down the dark hole. Gandalf sighed and turned around, but as he did the fiery whip lashed at his ankle, dragging him down. There was nothing that could be done now. He couldn't pull himself back up and the fellowship couldn't reach him.  
  
"Fly, you fools." He whispered. Then he let go of the bridge and fell into the abyss.  
  
"I AM NOT A FOOL!" She yelled after him. "HOW DARE YOU!!!" Legolas had to drag her out of the mines, to prevent her from being hit by an arrow or a hundred. 


	6. A gentler side of Christina

A/N: Changed it from the book slightly, but I don't suppose you really care, do you? You just want to read, don't you? Well, I don't blame you! Bye!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Christina froze. She didn't know what to do. The hobbits were crying and Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli had their heads bowed in silent prayers, but she could do nothing. She wanted to cry but at the same time didn't (It was embarrassing in front of the others, especially Legolas). She felt cold-hearted for having no reaction, but all she could do was stare at nothing. Expressionless, callous, heartless. She couldn't voice her sorrow either. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.  
  
She watched Frodo walk off a little distance. He obviously needed time alone, but she decided to go and see if he was all right anyway. She picked her way over the rocks and sat next to him.  
  
"If only." Frodo began.  
  
"We can say 'if only' about many things, Frodo, but it doesn't change what's happened. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I know you are probably grieving most of all." She said, softly. The others would have been surprised at how gentle she was being. Especially Legolas.  
  
"It's not." He sobbed. "I know it's the truth. I'm being silly" She put an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"No, you're-"  
  
"Frodo! Christina!" Aragorn shouted. "We must be moving on."  
  
"Um, excuse me! Would mind not interrupting, please?!" She shouted back. "I'm trying to comfort the poor boy. He's grieving, in case you hadn't noticed! Give him a moment!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Christina, but I must insist. By nightfall these hills will be swarming with orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlórien. There we will be safe, for a while."  
  
"Oh, whatever!" She turned to Frodo. "You try to be nice and this is the thanks you get. Typical!" She tutted and began to walk over to the rest of the fellowship. "Alright, alright, I'm here! Stop stressing!" She said. Aragorn hadn't made any comment, but he didn't need to. It was clear with the look on his face.  
  
The travelled for most of the day, halting only once to eat. As the day wore, Christina got more and more bored. Legolas was keeping his distance so she hadn't any excuses to hit him. Nobody had embarrassed themselves so she'd had no excuse to laugh. All she could do was trudge along at the back, thinking. And that was hard to do at the best of times. Then, for some very odd reason, they broke out into a run and she didn't notice until they were quite a way in front of her. When she looked up and noticed they'd gone, she wasn't happy.  
  
"OI!!!" She screamed. They all her heard her, easily. They turned and realised she was way behind.  
  
"Why didn't someone tell her we were going to run for a bit?" Aragorn hissed. "Boromir, I told you to do it!"  
  
"I told Legolas to do it." He said. All eyes fell on Legolas.  
  
"I told Gimli." Legolas said.  
  
"I told Frodo." Gimli said.  
  
"I told Sam." Frodo said.  
  
"I told Merry." Sam said.  
  
"I told Pippin." Merry said. They all looked at him.  
  
"What?" Pippin said. "Whatever it is, it wasn't me."  
  
"That's exactly the point." Aragorn said. "You were meant to tell Christina." She finally caught up with them and she had a face like thunder. She stayed silent and waited for an explanation.  
  
"It's my fault, Christina." Pippin said, sadly. He waited for a slap, but to his surprise, he didn't get one. He looked up and she was smiling.  
  
"Aww, Pippin, you're sooo cute." She replied. "How can I stay mad at you? Look, it doesn't matter, let's just get a move one. I'm taking it that was the reason you ran. You're not trying to tell me anything, are you?" Pippin shook his head. "Good. On we go, then." The others looked at each other in disbelief. How, the hell, does Pippin do that? Was the question going round each of their heads. Well, however he did it, they wanted to know how, especially Legolas.  
  
The sun began to dip behind the mountains, casting long shadows across the ground. At one point, Aragorn sent Legolas ahead for something and Christina had her opportunity to 1) laugh and 2) get Legolas riled. Whilst he was gone, she ran to the front of the company.  
  
"You all look like you could do with a laugh so I've got something funny for you." She said. "When he comes back, watch the way Legolas runs. It's so funny. And very gay. It'll, also, make me feel good if you're all laughing at him!" They didn't have to wait very long. As soon as he was close enough for them to see how he ran, they all fell about laughing. He was very confused.  
  
"Did I miss something?" He said, cautiously. 'What's the betting Christina has something to do with this?' he thought.  
  
"Yeah, yourself!" Christina gasped. "Your run is so gay! Your back's really straight and you do this sort of skippy-jog thing! You're such a puff!" He was waiting for that. He had an answer to it.  
  
"You're right. I am gay. Because 'gay' means 'carefree and happy'. Oh yeah, not forgetting Gorgeous And Yummy." He smiled while he said it.  
  
"No, it means you fancy men." Christina said, bluntly.  
  
"Actually it means you fancy someone of the same gender." Pippin said, in a matter-of-fact voice. He received a slap for that.  
  
"Shut up! That's not the point! You know exactly what I mean?!" She snapped.  
  
"Well, you wouldn't have that problem anyway, because no one could fancy you." There was a unanimous gasp from the other seven. And the words "In for it" and "Uh-oh" were whispered. Legolas suddenly began to deeply regret saying it. He awaited the slap and the knee but, to his surprise, he got neither. She stood there staring at him until she finally spoke.  
  
"Shouldn't we be moving on now, Aragorn?" She said, quietly, turning her back on Legolas. If anything, this was worse. Clearly, that remark had hurt her, for whatever reason. "Well, if you want to get to Lothlórien any time soon, you're going to have to move." She added, monotonously. They nervously started to pick up their things and they were eventually on the move again.  
  
By nightfall, they had reached the woods of Lothlórien, to Legolas' delight. They had gone little more than a mile into the forest, when they came upon a stream flowing down swiftly from the tree-clad slopes that climbed back westward towards the mountains.  
  
"Here is Nimrodel!" said Legolas. "Of this stream the Silvan Elves made many songs long ago and still we sing them in the North. Remembering the rainbow o it's falls and the golden flowers that float-"  
  
"Shut up, Legolas and cross the bleeding stream!" Christina snapped. She hadn't uttered a word to him since he insulted her. In fact, she hadn't even acknowledged he was there. When all the Company had crossed, they sat and rested and ate and little food. Legolas told them tales of Lothlórien that the Elves of Mirkwood still kept in their hearts, to which Christina didn't listen. At length silence fell and they heard music of the waterfall running sweetly in the shadows. Was it just their imaginations running wild from exhaustion, or was there a maiden's voice mingled with the sound of water?  
  
"Do you hear the voice of Nimrodel?" asked Legolas, softly. "I will sing you a song of the maiden Nimrodel, who bore the same name as the stream beside which she lived long ago. It is a fair song in woodland tongue, but this is how it runs in Western Speech, as some in Rivendell now sing it." And sing he did. His soft voice was barely heard amid the rustles of the leaves. Even Christina could not falter him or the song, though she dearly wanted to. He sung of a maiden called Nimrodel, and she sounded very beautiful. But she disappeared, leaving her lover waiting. It wasn't until he stopped singing that she realised she was crying.  
  
"That was incredible." She whispered, wiping away her tears.  
  
"That is but a part, for I have long forgotten much. It is long and sad, for it tells how sorrow came upon Lothlórien." He replied.  
  
"It doesn't matter whether that was the whole song or not, it was still beautiful."  
  
"It was indeed." Aragorn said. "But, it has been brought to my attention that we will be needing a place to sleep." He nodded in Pippin's direction. He was curled up in Merry's lap, snoring gently. "We have not the time or energy to dig a hole or build a house. So, tonight we shall do as the Galadhrim - ask Legolas, Christina - do and seek refuge in the treetops if we can. We have sat here beside the road already longer than is wise."  
  
Not far from the falls of Nimrodel, they found a cluster of trees, some which overhung the stream. Their great grey trunks were of mighty girth, but their height could not be guessed.  
  
"I will climb up," said Legolas. "I am at home among trees, by root or bough, though these trees are of a strange kind to m-"  
  
"Just climb the tree Legolas." Christina said.  
  
"Oh, right." He sprang lightly up from the ground and caught a branch that grew from a trunk high above his head. But even as he swung there for a moment, a voice spoke suddenly.  
  
"Daro!" it said in a commanding tone, and Legolas dropped back to the earth in surprise and fear, making Christina laugh a lot.  
  
"Shut up!" He hissed. "Do not move or speak!" There was he sound of soft laughter and then another clear voice spoke in Elven tongue. Legolas looked in the direction of the voice and answered in the same language.  
  
"Who are they and what do they say?" Merry said, but he needed no answer because, out of the shadows, many Elves suddenly appeared. 


	7. Little bundles of cabbage

Chapter 7  
  
"Haldir is my name," the lead Elf said. "We have heard rumours or your coming, for the messengers of Elrond passed by Lórien on their way home, up the Dimrill Stair. But we know not why you are here. "  
  
"Haldir o Lórien. Henion anirón, boe ammen i dulu lin. Boe ammen veriad lin." Aragorn said.  
  
"Very well. But first we must ask, who travels with you this night?" Haldir replied.  
  
"Nine of us, in total." Legolas said. "Myself, four hobbits and two men, one of whom, Aragorn, is an Elf-friend of the folk of Westernesse. Also, we have a girl-" Christina kicked his leg, hard " OW! Woman! Woman, there I said it, OK? A woman of Rohan." Haldir gave Legolas a very odd look.  
  
"The name of Aragorn son of Arathorn is known in Lórien and he has favour of the Lady. All then is well. But you have yet spoken of only eight."  
  
"The ninth is a dwarf," said Legolas.  
  
"A dwarf?!" said Haldir. "That is not well. We have not had dealings with the Dwarves since -"  
  
"Look, does it matter? He's a good guy!" Christina said. "He's a bit on the smelly side, but he's still good. Now are you going to help us, or are we going to have to march straight back out of here?"  
  
"You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back." He looked at Gimli and sighed. "Well, she did say bring them all. She did know he was with you. Oh, all right then, come, she is waiting."  
  
"Wait!" Christina cried. "Wait! I have a very important, strategic question that's vital for the survival of the free peoples of Middle Earth?"  
  
"What?" They all said together.  
  
"Are they men or women?" She pointed at the two Elves either side of Haldir. Everyone looked at them. The two Elves looked at each other and shrugged.  
  
"You don't know?" Pippin said, disbelievingly. Christina laughing at Legolas had woken him up.  
  
"Nope." They said together. Everyone then gave them dodgy looks and they began to walk. But, the exhausted company were delaying the Elves.  
  
"Look, Pip, I don't know about you, but I'm knackered!" Christina moaned as they slowly marched. "All I want to do is sleep."  
  
"Then sleep you shall." Haldir said. He had noticed the travellers' weariness and hadn't planned on making them work much further. "Just a short way further and there you can rest. Though we must make haste on the morrow."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit the chit-chat and let me get some sleep." She said.  
  
"The hobbits shall climb this tree, here, and stay with us - we do not fear them. There is another talan in the next tree. The others must take refuge there."  
  
"Wait a minute! Hold up! You're saying I have to go up there with two pervs, a dwarf and him?" Haldir had a blank expression on his face. "Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli and Legolas." Haldir nodded his head. "But I don't want to. They all creep me out. They might do something to me whilst I'm sleeping. Can't I go in that one with the hobbits?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. This talan will be full when the halflings finally get up there. You will be fine in the other one. And if the others don't, I'm sure Legolas will protect you." How unfortunate for Haldir that he didn't know of Christina's hate for Legolas, let alone the extent of it.  
  
"I do not need protecting?!" She yelled. "And especially not by him! How dare you insinuate otherwise! If you must know, it is not my own safety I fear for, it is their's. But, if they have any sense, they won't annoy me when I'm tired. They know what'll happen if they do. Very well, I'll go, but if anything happens to me, I'll make sure Legolas pays for it." She turned to Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Boromir. "Get!" Aragorn zoomed up the ladder at the speed of light. Legolas was last to go, but just before he did, one of the he/she Elves stopped him.  
  
"Why do you let her boss you around?" He/she asked, curiously.  
  
"I don't have a death wish." He replied and practically flew up the ladder.  
  
Day came pale from the East. As light grew it filtered through the yellow leaves of Mallorn and it seemed to the hobbits that the early sun of a cool summer's morning was shining. Pale-blue sky peeped among the moving branches. Christina slowly woke up to this beautiful sight. In remembering she was safe for the time being, she smiled to herself. Then she saw Legolas and she stopped smiling.  
  
"We must leave soon." He said. "I was sent to awaken you, but it seems I have no need."  
  
"Yep, no need. So, you can just toodle off back from wherever it is you appeared from." She sat up and stared at him. He finally got the picture and went back down the ladder. "Smarmy git."  
  
The morning was still young and cold when the Company set out again, guided now by Haldir and his brother Rúmil.  
  
"Farewell, sweet Nimrodel!" cried Legolas.  
  
"It's a stream." Christina said. "Get a life." They went back to the path that still went along the West Side of the Silverlode and, for some way, they followed it southward. There were the prints of orc-feet in the earth. But Haldir soon turned aside into the trees and halted on the bank of the river under their shadows.  
  
"There is one of my people yonder across the stream," he said, "thought you may not see him." He gave a call like a low whistle of a bird and out of the thicket of young trees an Elf stepped, clad in grey. Haldir skilfully cast over the stream a coil of rope and he caught it and bound the end about a tree near the bank.  
  
"Celebrant is already a stream here, as you see," said Haldir, "and it runs both swift and deep and is very cold. We do not set foot in it so far north, unless we must. But in these days of watchfulness, we do not make bridges. This is how we cross! Follow me!" He made his end of the rope fast about another tree and then ran lightly along it, over the river and back again, as if he were on a road.  
  
"I can walk this path," said Legolas, "but the others have not this skill. Must they swim?"  
  
"No!" said Haldir. "We have-"  
  
"Haven't got the skill?!" Christina yelled. She smacked Legolas across the face very hard. She even surprised herself. She didn't like being told she couldn't do something "Well, I'll show you, you arrogant bastard!!!" She ran across the rope, without any aid, with as much skill and grace as any Elf. When she reached the other side she turned and had a broad grin on her face. She put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out at Legolas. "HA!!! Not got the skill? Showed you, didn't I?"  
  
"Live and learn." Sam said. "Not even my Uncle Andy ever did a trick like that!"  
  
"Will you shut up?!" She shouted across the river. "We don't care about the multitude of your freak family! All of you hobbits are weirdoes! Didn't you know that curly hair went out in the 1st Age?!?!?!"  
  
"They always reminded me of little bundles of cabbage." Gimli said. They all looked at him strangely.  
  
"Is his helmet on too tight?" Aragorn muttered to Boromir.  
  
"I grows cabbage." Sam said.  
  
"Yeah, Sam. Whatever!" Christina yelled. When at length all the Company was gathered on the east bank of the Silverlode, Pippin turned to Christina.  
  
"Where'd you learn to do that?" He said, his voice full of awe and wonder. But she simply smirked and tapped the side of her nose. She was feeling very happy with herself. She was definitely about 6 up on Legolas. Not that she had anything to prove anyway, but his face was a picture.  
  
"Now friends," Haldir said, "you have entered the Naith of Lórien, or the Gore as you would say, for it is the la-"  
  
"Get to the point, Blondie." Christina said, whilst yawning.  
  
"Er, yes, anyway, as we agreed, I shall here blindfold the eyes of Gimli the Dwarf. The others may walk free for a while until we come nearer to our dwellings, down in Egladil, in the Angle between the waters." This was not to the liking of Gimli.  
  
"The agreement was made without my consent," he said. "I will not walk blindfold, like a beggar or a prisoner. And I am no spy. I am no more likely to betray you than Legolas or any other of my companions."  
  
"With the exception of me." Christina said. She saw all the Elves tense up. "I'm joking. Jeez, get a sense humour." Haldir cast a dark look in her direction.  
  
"I do not doubt you, dwarf. Yet it is our law. I am not the master of the law and cannot set it aside. I have done much in letting you set foot over Celebrant." But Gimli was obstinate. He planted his feet firmly apart and laid his hand upon the haft of his axe.  
  
"I will go forward free, or I will go back and seek my own land, where I am known to be true of word, though I perish alone in the wilderness."  
  
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. You cannot go back. The Lady of the Wood is waiting see you, but you must walk blindfold. You cannot cross the rivers again and behind you there are now secret sentinels that you cannot pass. You would be slain before you saw them." Gimli drew his axe from his belt and the Lórien Elves bent their bows.  
  
"A plague on Dwarves and their stiff necks!" Legolas said.  
  
"No fighting." Aragorn said sternly. "Arwen will kill me if any of the fellowship die or if any of the Lórien Elves die. If I am still to lead this Company, you must do as I bid. We will all walk blind fold, even Legolas." Christina slapped him.  
  
"Oh, we will, will we?" Aragorn began to look very ashamed. One or two of the Elves present knew Aragorn quite well from the times he had visited Arwen, and they were now sniggering. Gimli suddenly laughed.  
  
"A merry troop of fools we shall look!" he scoffed. "But I will be content if only Legolas shares my blindness."  
  
"I am an Elf and a kinsman here!!!" Legolas cried, becoming angry in his turn. He got another slap.  
  
"Shut up, stop over-reacting and put the bloody blindfold on!" She said. "If I have to be blindfolded, then there is no way on Middle Earth that you're getting out of it!" Legolas said something in elvish to Haldir. Haldir was about to answer when Aragorn did instead.  
  
"No, you can't! You will be blindfolded like the rest of us!" Legolas darted behind Haldir, as he saw the look on Christina's face. His cheek still stung from the last slap; he didn't want another one.  
  
All that day the Company marched on, until they felt the evening come and heard the early night wind whispering among many leaves. Then they rested and slept without fear upon the ground for their guides would not permit them to unbind their eyes and they could not climb. In the morning they went on again, walking without haste. At noon they halted and they were aware that they had passed out under the shining Sun. Suddenly, they heard voices all around them.  
  
"Holy sh-" Christina began, "-sugar! Where the bloody hell did they come from?"  
  
"They are heading for the northern borders to guard against any attack from Moria," Haldir reported. "The marauding orcs have been waylaid and almost all destroyed. Also, they bring me a message from the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim. You are all to walk free, even the dwarf, Gimli. It seems the Lady knows who and what is each member of your Company. New messages from Rivendell, perhaps."  
  
"Finally!" Christina said. She felt gentle hands undo her blindfold and she turned to thank them. "Will you go away?!" Legolas was standing behind her. "If wanted your help, I'd ask for it!!!"  
  
"Charming," he muttered.  
  
"I heard that."  
  
"Behold! You are come to Cerin Amroth," said Haldir. "For this is the heart of the ancient realm as it was long ago and here is the mound of Amroth where, in happier days, his house was built. Here ever bloom the winter flowers in the unfading grass: the yellow elanor and the pale niphredil. He we will stay a while and come to the city of the Galadhrim at dusk." Christina stared at him disbelievingly, and then turned to Legolas.  
  
"He's even more gay than you are." 


	8. Leggylulu's diary

Chapter 8  
  
"We have to climb them?" said Pippin, his voice shaking with fear. "Must I remind you that hobbits aren't good with heights?"  
  
"Well, if you are to stay in fair Lórien, you'd better get used to it." Aragorn replied. They climbed a great stairway, passing many flets; some on one side, some on the other. At a great height above the ground, they came to a very wide talan, like the deck of a great ship.  
  
They stood in two lines. The hobbits and Gimli stood on the front line and the two men, Legolas and Christina stood on the second. A brilliant light grew in front of them and the Lady Galadriel and the Lord Celeborn descended the few steps. Legolas was in so much awe of Galadriel that he lost control of his actions. He grabbed the edges of his cloak and curtseyed. Christina cast him a sideways 'what-a-freak' look.  
  
"Gay arseface." She said, not trying to whisper. Galadriel burst out laughing and fell over, clutching her sides. Celeborn started to edge away.  
  
"Haldir. Help." Haldir rushed to his Lady's side. But, she stood up of her own accord.  
  
"Eww! Get off me!" She slapped him. Christina looked at Legolas.  
  
"I like her." Galadriel straightened her dress out and smoothed out the wrinkles.  
  
"Let's move on, shall we?" She said.  
  
"Nine that are here, yet ten there were set out from Rivendell," said Celeborn. "Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desired to speak with him."  
  
"He has fallen into shadow," said Galadriel. "The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail. Yet hope remains will the Company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. You are weary with toil and much sorrow. Tonight you shall sleep in peace."  
  
"Can we eat first, though?" Pippin said. "Climbing all those stairs has made me hungry."  
  
"Pip, hen ware. Blurgh! Let me try at thgain. Argh! That again! When. are. you. not. hungry?" Christina slowly. "But, actually, I'm tungry hoo. ARGH! Bloody hell! Hungry. too! Why can't I bloody speak?"  
  
They were led to a pavilion, where a lot of food had been prepared for them. The hobbits were in heaven. They hadn't eaten for nearly 5 hours and that had only been their second meal of the day. They all sat at a large round table.  
  
"I can't believe what I'm seeing!" Sam exclaimed, excitedly. "Chicken, beef, ham, vegetables, fruits, biscuits, cakes, wines! I can't see everything!"  
  
"That's pecause Bippin! Argh! For Eru's sake! Because. Pippin has eaten it all." She looked over a Legolas whose plate was piled high with food. "Or should that be Leggy lulu?"  
  
"Don't call me that!" He said, but he only received a grin, which meant he would be called it at every opportunity.  
  
"Sorry, Leggy-lulu." She said, trying to keep a straight face. He continued to eat and soon finished. He wasn't sure why he was so hungry but he did know that he couldn't get enough food. Christina stared in disbelief as he filled his plate or the third time.  
  
"You're such a. a. a." They all waited for another stupid comment like 'spongeface' or 'gay arseface'. (A/N: Does she have a thing with insulting people's faces?) "A. fit bloke!" Her eyes widened in horror and her hand flew up to her mouth. Legolas was very taken aback. He actually got a compliment from her, even if it was only accidental.  
  
"Why, thank you." He said.  
  
"NO! I didn't mean that!" She cried. "I meant to say fat bloater! But, it came out wrong! You aren't fit!" She stood up and ran from the table. The embarrassment was too much to bear. She went to where the couches, on which they would be sleeping, were and paced back and forth nervously.  
  
"Shit!. Double shit! What if he's got the wrong idea? Oh buggering hell!!" She said to herself. As she paced, she tripped over someone's pack, spilling its contents across the floor. She began to pick them up and hurriedly stuffed them back inside, and as she did she realised it was Legolas' stuff. She muttered unsavoury words as she did and eventually there was only one item left out. A small, leather-bound book. 'Hmmm, I wonder what it is.' She went to open it. 'No, I shouldn't, I could be private. All the more reason then!' Her jaw fell open. It was Legolas' diary.  
  
"OH MY. This will be so much fun!" She giggled. She held the book behind her back and sauntered back to the table. The hobbits looked at her and giggled, Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli were sniggering and Legolas was looking very pleased with himself.  
  
"Have you anything else to say, Christina?" He asked, smugly.  
  
"I haven't anything to say," She said, "but I have something to show you." He tried to look round her to see what she had in her hands.  
  
"What?" He asked, suspiciously.  
  
"Do you recognise." She pulled showed everyone the book, ".this?"  
  
"Where did you get that?!" Legolas cried. "You've been in my bag!!!"  
  
"No, actually, I kicked it over. And not on purpose, before you say anything. And when I was putting your stuff back I found this." She started to flick through the pages. "Now, then let's have a look."  
  
"Christina! Don't!" He leapt up and ran at her.  
  
"SIT!" She barked, fiercely. He timidly sat back down and whimpered. "That's better. Now then, as I was saying, I think I'll start with this page. here." She put a finger in between a page as she flicked through.  
  
"Christina, I don't think you should." Aragorn started.  
  
"Oh come on, don't tell me you've never wondered what Legolas thinks of you." She paused for a moment. "On second thoughts, let's not go there. Anyway, I think this was on Caradhras. So, are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin. 'Dear Diary, Got lot's more fan mail today. WOO HOO! And the others still don't know I'm having it forwarded to me. YAY! Today, Aragorn and Gandalf had a HUGE bust-up. One wanted to go somewhere and the other didn't. Oh well, I got to look cool and walk on the snow. Hehe, cool, snow, get it? Maybe not. The hobbits are constantly whining. They're cold, they're hungry, they're tired, they're hungry. And not forgetting hungry. Boromir's still obsessed with that stupid Ring. If he wants one so badly, we'll make one for him! All he has to do is ask. Gimli is being an irritating shortarse. Nothing new there then.' " As she said each sentence, Legolas sank lower and lower into his chair. At that last remark, Gimli hit him over the head with the haft of his axe. " 'And Christina.' Ooh, this should be good." She skimmed over the several sentences about herself and her face dropped. A dulled thud was heard as Legolas slid completely off the chair into a heap on the floor. She slowly looked over the top of the book at him, pure contempt for the Elf could be seen in her eyes. He hid his face in his hands.  
  
"I wouldn't touch you with a 10ft barge pole." She hissed. "Unless it means slapping you." She added. She threw the book at him and walked away. Pippin watched her leave and then looked at Legolas.  
  
"What?" He said, innocently, not understanding what had just happened. Aragorn gave Legolas a shifty look and edged towards Boromir.  
  
"Boromir." He whispered, 'help' screaming out from the tone of his voice, much as it had in Celeborn's. Boromir walked around Aragorn, stood in front of Legolas and poked him on the shoulder, hard.  
  
"She's mine." He said, angrily. Aragorn looked even more bewildered. 'How could anyone fancy that?' he thought, worriedly. 'She's lethal!!! Ooh, it's a good job I thought that and didn't say it.'  
  
Legolas sat in a sulk for at least an hour. He'd been found out and he didn't like it. He eventually got bored and decided to go back to the others, even though he knew they would only question him and laugh. Plus, Christina would be there, and that would be very embarrassing. He got a jug of water on the way. She was there when he went back, and he carefully avoided eye contact. Instead, he concentrated on the lament.  
  
She watched him enter. He liked her, despite the constant teasing and hitting? His head definitely needed checking. He slowly, gracefully walked over to the hobbits. 'Ooh, he looks quite.'  
  
"NO!!!" She cried out. Everyone looked at her. She felt her cheeks reddening. "Um, you're, er. holding. the jug crooked. You're going to spill it. Um, excuse me." She walked off without noticing the shifty looks she was receiving.  
  
She repeated her previous actions. She paced back and forth nervously, rubbing her hands together. This time, she made sure nobody's bag was in her way.  
  
"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!" She said. "I can't like HIM! That's gross! That's sick! It's not normal! I hate the guy! By the Valar, what's wrong with me?! First I call him fit, and then I think it! Is my mind trying to tell me something? Argh! No, don't think like that!!!" She stopped still. Her heart was racing. "OK, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look at him again. That will determine my. 'feelings' " she shuddered at that word, "towards him." She walked silently towards the pavilion and looked at Legolas. The others were clearly questioning him because he was going red and getting angry. She screwed her face up at the sight of him  
  
"Eww! OOH, YAY! I said 'eww', not 'yum' or any variation of it. YAY! I don't like him! WOO HOO!" She re-entered the pavilion and smiled at everyone. "I'm over him." She said, but quickly realised what she had said. "IT! Not him, it! No, definitely not him. Definitely an it! Definitely!" Pippin saw this as an opportunity to ask her something he'd been dying to know. He walked over to Christina and poked her elbow. She looked down at him.  
  
"What?" He said, sweetly, wanting to know 1) what was in the diary (he still didn't understand) and 2) why she shouted 'NO'. She smiled at him.  
  
"Awwwww! You are so cute! I love you so much!" She knelt down and hugged him, tightly. She saw Legolas watching her and she said it again, but a lot more forcefully. Watching him flinch was fun. "I really, REALLY love you Pippin! I do!"  
  
"I think she's had a bit too much wine." Sam said.  
  
"No, I haven't." She replied. "I'm merely stating the obvious. Pippin is by the loveliest person in this fellowship and I love him." Pippin grinned more and more every time she complimented him. "Actually, I love all the hobbits, but Pippin is the best. Not that I'm choosing favourites or anything."  
  
"Um, Christina, do you want to be a bit more. er. subtle?" Aragorn said, seeing the look on Legolas' face.  
  
"No." She said simply and happily. "You know I, kind of, like you too, Aragorn." This was too much for Legolas and he walked away. As he did, she giggled evilly. 


	9. The Haircut

Chapter 9  
  
"Christina!" Aragorn moaned. "You've gone and upset him now. And that is very hard to do. He must really like-"  
  
"Don't you dare say it!" She interrupted. "I am totally sickened by the thought of. EWWW! I'd rather have Gimli!" Everyone grimaced, including Gimli. "Gimli, I just insulted you."  
  
"I know, but I wouldn't want me, let alone anyone else."  
  
"Okaaaay then. Anyway, he deserved it! He completely embarrassed me when we were eating and he needed to learn his lesson."  
  
"You were the one that said it," Boromir said.  
  
"That's besides the point. If he hadn't been eating like that, I wouldn't have needed to call him a fat bloater which turned into fit bloke!" Aragorn gave up. It was no use arguing with Christina; she was stubborn as hell.  
  
"Boromir, go after him."  
  
"I don't think so! Let him go and talk to one of his Elf people. They care." Christina laughed.  
  
"Me and Boromir are on the same wavelength," Christina said. Boromir smiled maniacally. "We see that big elfy git for what he really is. A puff! Aragorn, he'll get over it. I'm sure he's suffered much worse than the wrath of a woman of Rohan. And he's surviving much better than everyone back home." She walked over to the hobbits.  
  
"Am I really your favourite?" Pippin said.  
  
"Of course you are!" She replied. "I love all four of you, but you the most, Pip! It's probably something to do with us two being the youngest."  
  
"Do you think Legolas will be all right?" said Merry.  
  
"He'll be fine," Christina said, sharply. "Now then, is anyone else tired? It is gone midnight already, and we've been walking all day."  
  
"Yes, we should all rest," Aragorn said. "We are very tired from our journey and it will not do for anyone to become ill. I plan to leave in a few days, once we have rested and have provisions." They all lay on the couches. There were five in total and each could sleep two people. Of course, Christina was the person to have a couch to herself.  
  
Though she was tired, Christina could not sleep. She could hear the hobbits' gentle snores and Gimli's deep breathing. Boromir was tossing and turning in his sleep and Aragorn lay silent and still. She decided to take a walk. 'The night air should make me sleepy.' She thought. She began to wander silently through the wood. There was not a soul to be seen until she came to another pavilion, where she found a sleeping Legolas. 'Oh gods, no.' She thought. Then, she remembered something. He had insulted her and she hadn't reacted. "No one could fancy you" was what he had said. 'Bastard! Well, I think now would be a very good time to pay him back for his 'kind' comment. Now then, what could I do?' she stood thinking for a while and then finally had an idea. She silently laughed. 'This will be so much fun.'  
  
The following morning, Christina was the first to wake up. When she remembered what she had done, she laughed aloud. It was the most courageous thing she'd done whilst in the fellowship. She sat up and folded her arms, smiling satisfactorily to herself. One by the one, the other seven woke up. Aragorn was the last to wake and the first thing he saw was her smiling.  
  
"What do you look so smug about?" He asked, suspiciously. "What have you done?" Suddenly:  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" Christina laughed.  
  
"Oh, that's what you've done."  
  
"Revenge is so sweet." She giggled.  
  
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?!" Legolas cried, as he ran into the centre of the pavilion and Christina laughed even more. The others were falling over from laughing. Standing in front of them was Legolas, but with bobbed hair. It was the same length as Aragorn's and very well cut.  
  
"What have you done to my hair?!?!?! You. you. you." He cried.  
  
"Come on, insult me. You know you want to!" she said, preparing herself to hit him.  
  
"You fucking bitch!!!" That shocked everyone, including Christina. No one had heard him swear before and after the 'revelation', they were surprised he swore at her. She went to hit him but he grabbed both her wrists and stopped her.  
  
"How, in the name of Valar, did you do that without waking him?" Boromir said. "Don't Elves sleep with their eyes open?"  
  
"I don't know and I don't care," Legolas hissed, "but I'm NOT leaving these woods with my hair like this!"  
  
"Don't you like it? I think it suits you." She said, innocently. "I would even go as far as to say that I like it." She added, but she didn't get the reaction she had hoped for. All he did was push her away and stalk out of the pavilion.  
  
The others had stopped laughing and couldn't believe what she had done. They all knew that all Elves, but particularly Legolas, treasured their hair, as Christina treasured her nails, and she had cut it off, without his permission. No wonder he was mad. They watched him storm out and then they all looked at Christina, who was smiling contentedly.  
  
"You cut his hair?" Aragorn said, trying to make sense of the situation. "You actually cut his hair? What were you thinking?" She was expecting him to shout at her and be angry. "He might have woken up whilst you were doing it! You should have knocked him out first or something. But, it was very well done considering he must at least have been sitting when you did it!"  
  
"You're not mad at me for causing trouble?" She said, curiously, though she was very happy.  
  
"Mad? As if! I've been trying to get him to cut off those witch locks for years! It always gets in the way when he's fighting. If he wasn't so damn stubborn I'd make him keep it that way."  
  
"You know, you're sounding more and more like a mother everyday."  
  
"That's what being betrothed to Arwen does to you."  
  
"Anyway, I thought my little comment about liking it like that might have made him like it, but obviously not." She said.  
  
"He's still upset at the moment, but if you keep showing a liking to it, he will eventually change his mind. Do you really like it like that?"  
  
"Nah, I prefer it long." Aragorn laughed. "I'm just very into vengeance. Vengeance is a good thing to live for, if you don't have anything else."  
  
"You did it for revenge? For what? If it was for the incident at the table last night, then you already cancelled that out with the diary." Unless Legolas had done something else that no one knew about.  
  
"Oh no, I'm thinking further back. When we left Moria, he said 'No one could fancy you' but I was quite hurt at the time so I didn't react. Well, I thought 'since when do I let Legolas get away with anything?' and took it upon myself to do something about it."  
  
"Very well done, anyway. But, don't tell Legolas I said all this, else he'll never leave Lothlórien with us. And before you say anything, yes we do want him to leave with us. Believe me, when you're attacked by orcs, he is a very good person to have on your side."  
  
"I know, I saw him in Moria." She replied, reflecting back to the horrors beneath Caradhras. "His reflexes are so quick. Maybe getting him riled every 5 minutes isn't such a good idea after all."  
  
"He obviously doesn't mind you hitting him, otherwise he'd stop you every time. He's quick enough and strong enough."  
  
"Eww! Don't say that! It's totally gross that he. eurgh! Just don't say it!"  
  
"Why? What's wrong with Legolas fancying you?" Pippin said.  
  
"I said don't say that!" She moaned. "Look, if you want me freak out then you're going to the right way about it!"  
  
"But I don't get it," Pippin said. "Why is it a problem?"  
  
"It just is! OK!"  
  
"I bet she fancies him really." Sam whispered to Frodo. She glared at him.  
  
"Never let me here you say that again! I would never like him! He's. him!"  
  
"Why do you like hitting him so much then?" Boromir said.  
  
"I. well. oh my Eru! I don't know! What if I do? NO! I don't! I can't! I don't! I tested that theory already! I don't like him! I'm just a generally violent person. Yeah, that's the reason. It's not like he's the only person I've hit. I've slapped Pippin and fought with Merry."  
  
"But you've hit him a lot more times," said Frodo.  
  
"Because he's insulted or aggravated me a lot more times!" She was getting very nervous of where this conversation was heading, so she decided to change the subject. "What does Galadhrim mean?"  
  
"I beg your pardon." Aragorn said, he knew she'd eventually change the subject, but bloody hell.  
  
"The other day you said, and I quote, 'So, tonight we will do as the Galadhrim - ask Legolas, Christina - do and seek refuge in the treetops if we can.' But I don't think asking him is such a good idea, so what does it mean?"  
  
"Oh, how did you remember all that? Anyway, it's elvish for 'Tree- people'."  
  
"They are people that live in trees, so they're called 'Tree-people'?" Gimli said. "Oh, how corny!"  
  
"Everything about Elves is very literal," Christina said, "surely you of all people would understand that. Dwarves take things very literally, don't they?" Gimli grumbled an inaudible reply. "Exactly."  
  
Legolas was trembling with anger. His hair was gone. It felt so weird. He had had long hair for almost three millennia and now it was practically all gone, because of Christina. He didn't even know why she'd done it. Something had to be done. 'I need my hair.'  
  
"Galadriel." He whispered.  
  
"You called." She was suddenly by his side, making him jump.  
  
"I really wish you wouldn't do that."  
  
"It is my forest and I shall do what I want in it. Anyway, I like the hair."  
  
"Well, I don't. I need to fix it. And her."  
  
"It was an act of revenge, Legolas. You offended and hurt her."  
  
"She sufficiently embarrassed me last night by reading out my diary to the Company last night. I think she settled that score." 'And why did I want to speak to her again?'  
  
"Because I can help you. There was one thing you have said to her to which she did not retaliate. Think Legolas." He thought hard. Retracing his insults in his mind.  
  
"I said no one could fancy her and she just walked away." He said. "I was so shocked. When I called her simple, she. well, it wasn't nice."  
  
"And why do you think she took such a comment to heart? Legolas, she wants to be loved. Perhaps your words brought back some memories she would rather forget. You may not be the person she wishes to love, but that is what she wants, whether she knows it yet or not. Do not be too harsh. She's only young."  
  
"But she cut off my hair." He whined.  
  
"Don't whine, it makes you look gay. You're not thinking about your situation or about to whom you are talking. Am I not known as an Elf witch or Sorceress? Well, that is not far from the truth." He frowned at the woman that stood before him. He thought he understood her, but he wasn't sure.  
  
"Can you make Christina love me?" 


	10. Elvish Love Enchantments

Chapter 10  
  
"I feel quite bad about it now," Christina said. "I don't know why. It's not like he's a friend or anything. But, maybe cutting off his hair was one step too far."  
  
"As you said yourself, he'll get over it," Aragorn replied. "An Elf's hair grows quite quickly, we shouldn't be here much longer than a month, although I do wish we could get off sooner."  
  
"I'm just being an idiot. I never feel guilt or sympathy for anyone. I learnt the hard way."  
  
"What do you mean?" Pippin said, before anyone else the chance.  
  
"Well, no one really likes me, back home. at all," she explained. "That's why I'm in Rivendell so often. They think I don't know, but I do. They send me off on stupid errands like taking messages to Elrond. And if someone offends me, I lash out."  
  
"So, really, you haven't been taught anything different?" Boromir said.  
  
"Sort of. I do know that hitting people isn't the best way of dealing with them, but I often had very good cause for it. I was bullied a lot when I was younger and I always had to stick up for myself. And when I heard about this Ring thing I actually volunteered. I was kind of at a rock bottom at that point and was quite excited by the thought of dying. They couldn't get rid of me quick enough." She looked at the men surrounding and shook herself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be boring you all like this. It's a beautiful day and we should be happy. I shouldn't be depressing you all." They all turned their heads at the sound of a clink of glasses. An Elf had entered the pavilion and was about to prepare some drinks for them. But as he did, Legolas walked in and offered to do it instead.  
  
"Considering you've lost practically all of your hair," Gimli said, "you're very happy."  
  
"I've been speaking to the Lady Galadriel and she has helped me come to terms with my loss," He said. "I'm still determined to grow it back, but I'm not going to let it bother me."  
  
"That's very good of you," Christina said, curiously. "I thought you'd be absolutely furious. If this is your feeble attempt to make me like you, then I'll have you know that I'm way out of your league, so there's no point in even trying."  
  
"Nothing of the sort. It's as I said, I'm not going to let it bother me." He smiled at her and then turned back to the drinks. Concealed up his sleeve was a small bottle. After he filled up the nine glasses with wine, into one he put 3 drops of the clear liquid, just as Galadriel had told him to. The one with the liquid in it, he gave to Christina. "It should take about 10 minutes at the very most," she had said. "The length of time depends on her resilience to its power."  
  
Legolas watched Christina as she drank the concoction. It took her about 2 minutes to drink the whole thing. She could feel the eyes watching her and she looked at him over the brim of her goblet.  
  
"What? Have I got something on my forehead or my nose?" She said, nervously.  
  
"No, I was. um." 'Crap, what do I say?' "Shall I take that for you?" He said quickly, on seeing that she'd finished her drink. She handed the glass to him. "Do you want any more?"  
  
"No," she said, distantly. She must have drunk the wine to quickly because she was beginning to feel a bit weird. "I'm going to go and lie down. I feel a bit. odd." She couldn't say ill because that wasn't it. Illness was stomach aches, headaches, soar throats and fevers, but she hadn't any of these. Odd was the only way to describe it.  
  
She went over to the couches and lay down. She shut her eyes and began to drift off to sleep when saw an image of Legolas. Her flew open again. 'What the.' she thought, but found herself shutting her eyes again to see the image. 'Since when did Legolas look so good?' and she didn't tell herself off for thinking it. She smiled to herself. She opened her eyes slowly again and saw Legolas walking towards her. She suddenly felt embarrassed.  
  
"Are you feeling OK?" He said, with evident concern in his voice. Normally, she would have shouted at him and told him to mind his own business. But this time she didn't want to. It mattered that he cared, for a reason she couldn't figure out. 'What the hell is going on?' She thought.  
  
"Christina?" He said. She looked at him.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I'm fine," she smiled appreciatively.  
  
"Good. It's just you suddenly said you felt odd and I wanted to make sure you were all right."  
  
"Thank you." That shocked Legolas. 'Galadriel is one hell of a sorceress!' "I'm sorry for cutting your hair, Legolas," she said. "However much you insulted me, it was uncalled for."  
  
"It doesn't matter," he said.  
  
"No, it does. I feel really bad about it. I wish there was a way I could make it up to you." 'There is.' He thought. 'But there is no way I'm suffering either more loss of hair or physical punishment such as that in Moria.'  
  
"It really doesn't matter. You don't owe me anything, Christina," he said. "You shouldn't feel bad about what you did, I know I deserved it."  
  
"All you did was insult me!" She exclaimed. "By the Valar, look what I did to you last night! That was even more uncalled for!" Thinking of all the things she'd done to him made her very angry with herself. She had been a real bitch and he still liked her. He had still come to see if she was well. 'Well, even if he won't admit it, I know one thing he wants.' She stood up.  
  
"Nothing you have done was uncalled for. I have obviously done things to make you seek revenge. We are equal," Legolas said.  
  
"No, we're not! And I won't be happy until we are!" He was irritating her now.  
  
"You actually want us to be equal?" He said, disbelievingly. 'I've got to get some of this stuff off Galadriel before we leave.' She walked over to him.  
  
"Yes, I do," she said, gently. "I know it's hard to believe after all I've done to you, but it's what I want." She placed a hand on his arm and looked up at him. "I'm really sorry Legolas."  
  
"It doesn't-" but she silenced him with kiss. 'Galadriel, I love you!' 'Why, thank you' came a silent reply. 'ARGH! Get out of my head! Can't you see I'm busy?!' 'Well, excuse me! It's not like I want to hear your nasty, pervy thoughts about an innocent - OK, not so innocent - girl! By the way, the spell isn't permanent. Bye!' His eyes flew open in shock. 'Shit! She could snap out of it at any time! Oh well.'  
  
*****  
  
A/N: If anyone says 'Mary-Sue', I will personally kill them. It isn't one because she hasn't fallen in love with him. A love potion has brought it on, as the title says! I cannot make this a Mary-Sue because the story is called 'Not a Mary-Sue', but this works out as a good story line! Flames will be disregarded! I couldn't give a rat's arse if you don't like this fic! Don't read it if you don't like it! Anyway, just to let you know!!! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	11. Vengeance and a Wet Towel

Chapter 11  
  
'And I hated him because?' Christina thought, as she thoroughly enjoyed the kiss. She drew back and shyly smiled at him. He tried to act shocked; it actually wasn't that hard, even though he knew she'd drunk the potion.  
  
"I never knew you. well, you know," he said. She laughed.  
  
"Well, to be honest, neither did I," She replied. "But, we both know now, don't we?" She still felt woozy. Her emotions were all over the place. Why did she suddenly like him? Oh well, who really cared anyway? He kissed her again and she slipped her hands under his tunic and found it natural to undo it. This time, he was genuinely shocked. Again, he thought 'Oh well.' and did the same. The two shirts were soon thrown aside, the bottle still inside Legolas'. They heard the tinkle of broken glass, and Legolas flinched, but they didn't let it interrupt them.  
  
Meanwhile, the others were very bored. They were awaiting a yell from Christina. Watching her punish Legolas was always very amusing, and the fact that he liked it, though sick, was also quite funny.  
  
"It's taking quite a while," Aragorn said. "She's normally hit him by now. Well before now."  
  
"Shall we go and have a look?" Pippin said, mischievously.  
  
"But we don't know what they might be doing?" Sam said.  
  
"Exactly!" said Merry.  
  
"Do we really want to know what they're doing?" Frodo said.  
  
"Oh, come on! This is Christina and Legolas we're talking about," Boromir said. "Yeah, we're really going to walk in on them kissing or something like that. Because Christina just totally loves Legolas, doesn't she?"  
  
"You're just jealous," Gimli grunted. "You can't bear the thought of her and him. I bet you there is something going on, really, they just don't want to admit it. So, they pretend they hate each other."  
  
"That only happens in stories," Aragorn said. "So, are we going or not?"  
  
"Of course, we are!" Pippin said. "We all want to know the truth, so we go and have a look! It only has to be a look then we turn right around and come back. Simple!"  
  
"Very well," he sighed and they began to walk towards the other pavilion. But they stopped dead in their tracks when they heard:  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH! EWWWWWWWWWWWW! GET OFF ME! WHAT WERE YOU DOING? WHAT WAS I DOING! WHERE'S MY SHIRT? AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" Christina ran straight into Boromir, much to his liking, with only a screwed up shirt to cover up her modesty. The shirtless, and almost trouser-less, Legolas followed her without noticing the seven pairs of staring eyes.  
  
"You were as much to blame!" He lied. "How else did all this happen?"  
  
"Ewwww! Ewwww! Ewwww! Get me soap! Get me soap! I need to wash my mouth out! Ewwww!"  
  
"What in the name of Eru were you doing?" Aragorn said whilst looking from Legolas to Christina.  
  
"She kissed me first!" He defended.  
  
"Don't remind me!" She hissed.  
  
"You really did kiss him?" Pippin said, in wonder.  
  
"Nobody ever hears about this, OK?" They all knew that wasn't a question, it was an order. "I did NOTHING! Got that? Noth-thing! Zilch! Zero! Nowt!"  
  
"So, you want us to say what?" Pippin said, and then he wished he hadn't. "Um, don't you think you should get dressed?"  
  
"Well, I'm not going to in front of you lot! OUT!" They left, reluctantly. Once they were out of her sight, Aragorn span round.  
  
"What did you do to her?!" He said.  
  
"As I said before, she kissed me first. She also started removing my clothes first, I merely followed her lead." Legolas said, feeling very smug.  
  
"And you can wipe that grin off your face!" Christina growled as she walked towards them, doing up the remaining buttons. A loud crunch was suddenly heard. "OW! OH SHIT! BUGGER! OW, THAT HURT!" She looked down and saw the remains of a broken bottle. 'HOLY ERU!' Legolas thought.  
  
"What's that?" Sam said. Christina bent over and picked up a few pieces of the glass. She turned one over and saw a label on it. It read 'Galadriel's Love Enchantment'. She looked at Legolas and, to the amazement of all, she began to laugh.  
  
"You sad, sad Elf!" She said. "You actually. you were sad enough to. you did. YOU BASTARD!" Legolas flinched and hid behind Aragorn.  
  
"Erm, why are you hiding behind me?" Aragorn said, whilst giving him a shifty look.  
  
"I don't want her to hit me!" He said, sounding very like a young child.  
  
"Well tough!" She yelled from behind him.  
  
"How did you.?" He said, whilst turning around. As he did, she slapped him across the face. "How did you do that?"  
  
"I lifted my hand and slapped you." She said, sarcastically.  
  
"I don't mean that, I mean how did you get round there so quickly?" He said, irritably. He knew that she understood him really.  
  
"None of your business!" He smiled, briefly.  
  
"Now, that's the Christina I know and love." She slapped him again.  
  
"DON'T say that again!" She squealed. "You do not - oh, how I hate this word - 'love' me! It is a pathetic crush that a good beating will cure!" This was too much for Legolas to bear, so he ran away quickly.  
  
"So, what was on that piece of glass?" Boromir said. "It's just you laughed and then you went mad. I was just wondering. But, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine, I don't mind."  
  
"Right then." she replied. 'He really is very strange!' "Well, it said: 'Galadriel's Love Enchantment' on it. So, Legolas obviously put some in the drink he gave me. He's so stupid. I was actually beginning to, sort of, like him, as well. Not like him like him, though, just like him. You know, as in, not hate him as much. Just so you don't think I fancy him or anything, because I don't! I hate him more than ever now!"  
  
"But, how do you know it was actually him though?" Sam said. "Because it could have been someone else and Legolas happened to be the person you saw, so that's who it worked on."  
  
"Who else would want to do a love spell on me?" She said, matter-of- factly. She obviously didn't know about Boromir's little crush.  
  
"I can think of one or two people." Sam said, glancing at Boromir and then Pippin.  
  
"Well, anyway, I heard the bottle smash when I. oh gods, I can't believe I did that! Thank Eru it wore off in time, else who knows what I might have done!"  
  
"Are you alright, Christina?" Pippin asked, innocently and sweetly, making her lose all her anger and tension.  
  
"Aww, you're so sweet. Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking." She said, whilst giving him a hug. "Now, I'm going to bathe, I've got to get that horrid Elf's nastiness off me." The other seven looked at each other as she realised what she had just said had sounded like. "NO!!! I didn't mean that! I only kissed him! I swear! I just mean I want to get rid off all trace of him. No, that sounds just as bad! Oh, just don't walk in on me, or I'll be forced to punish you." She sauntered off but before she disappeared completely, they heard her shout: "That means you as well, Pippin!"  
  
"Damn." He said. He'd thought, being her favourite, he'd get away with it. Too bad she knew him so well.  
  
Once in the pool, she scrubbed every inch of her skin with as much vigour as she could summon. Whenever he'd touched her before, at least she'd been clothed. 'Oh my Eru, he's seen me undressed!' she thought, as she washed her smoky-black hair. 'I am never going to live this down! He forever has something to hold against me! But then again, I'll just use a bit of emotional blackmail on him. I could get him wrapped around my little finger. Well, I practically already have. Ooh, this will be so much fun!' She looked about for her towels and noticed that she had to get out of the pool and walk over to the tree where her clothes were to reach them.  
  
"Oh shit." She moaned. "This could prove very embarrassing." She looked around cautiously. 'Right, there's no one around. Make a dash for it. 1. 2. 3.' She closed her eyes and took a breath. She stood up straight and opened her eyes. To her horror, Legolas was standing in front of her with a stupid grin on his face.  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" She screamed. She covered herself up with her hands as best she could and dropped back into the water. "GET OUT!" She grabbed a face cloth and threw it at him, which hit him. Then, she threw the bar of soap, which also hit him. And finally she threw the medium-sized, glass shampoo bottle at him, which unfortunately didn't hit him, because he ducked.  
  
"GIVE ME THE TOWEL!" She yelled.  
  
"But." he began.  
  
"NOW!!!!!!" He didn't disagree this time. He threw one over to her. "And the other one!" He tossed the other one. She stood up again, this time shielded by the first towel. She wrapped it around her and then picked up the other and dipped it in the water. Once soaking wet, she twisted the towel and used it as a whip on his leg.  
  
"AI!" He squealed and flapped his hands in a very gay manner.  
  
"You already know what I'm about to say." She did it again.  
  
"AI! STOP!" He flapped his hands again.  
  
"Gay!" She twisted the towel again and he bolted. She laughed and gave chase, pinning the other towel around her, fixedly, as she ran. "Did no one ever tell you it's rude to stare?"  
  
They ran through much of Lothlórien, completely disturbing the tranquillity of the forest. The eventually wound up in the occupied part of the forest where Galadriel and Celeborn were dining with the other seven members of the fellowship. Total confusion set in as they saw Legolas go streaming past, flapping his hands.  
  
"Gay." They all said. He came running back and glared at them.  
  
"I'm not gay!" He said, firmly, but as he did the towel whipped his legs again. "AI! OK, I AM!" And he ran off. Christina ran and stopped on the spot where Legolas had been standing. She looked at them, shock and amazement evident in her face.  
  
"He actually admitted it." She said, joyfully. She laughed and jumped on the spot. "YAY! He's gay! He's gay! La-la-la-la-la-la!" She sang and ran after him happily. Celeborn and Aragorn had to leap up and stop an ecstatic Boromir from chasing the half-naked Christina.  
  
"Control yourself, man!" Celeborn said. "She's just a girl."  
  
"I wouldn't let her hear you say that, Lord," Aragorn advised. "Legolas made that mistake. Ask Haldir, he'll tell you. And don't call her simple either. Legolas also made that mistake. And I'll tell you now, the result wasn't pretty."  
  
"Um, shall I just take your word for it?" Celeborn said.  
  
"No, really it happened!" Pippin said, with his mouth full. "He called her simple and she kneed him in the-"  
  
"I get the picture!" Celeborn said, quickly. "Poor Legolas." 


	12. Touch her and die ElfBoy

A/N: Because I've done something like 5 chapters in Lothlórien, I'm not doing the journey to Parth Galen in detail. Just so you know.  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Chapter 12  
  
They remained in Lothlórien for many more days, beyond count. Time does not apply in the Golden Wood. But it caused an argument between Christina and Legolas (but then again, most things do). Christina said they'd been there two weeks but Legolas swore it was three. As it turned out they were both wrong, but Galadriel didn't feel it was her place to tell them so.  
  
It was agreed that they would travel down the Great River in boats. They were arranged in this way: Aragorn, Frodo and Sam were in one boat; Boromir, Merry and Pippin; and in the third were Christina, Gimli and Legolas, much to her disgust.  
  
"Why do I have to go in a boat with him?" She said, not trying to hide the way she felt.  
  
"Gimli isn't that bad, Christina," Aragorn said, playfully.  
  
"I meant Legolas, you stupid dumbass!" She snapped. "I don't want to be in the same room as him, let alone a tiny boat. Why do I have to go in that boat? Why can't I swap with one of the hobbits?"  
  
"The hobbits refuse to be split up and can you row a boat?" He said, satisfied that he'd pretty much won the argument.  
  
"No, but I don't see why you HAVE to go with Frodo and Sam and why Boromir HAS to go with Merry and Pippin. Why can't one of you two go with Gimli and myself?" 'HA! Got you stumped now, haven't I?' she thought.  
  
"I… well… you see… oh, just get in the damn boat!" He said.  
  
"No," she said defiantly. "I refuse to get in a boat with him. I'll stay here if I don't get my way." Aragorn looked her and sighed. 'Why are girls so damn fussy and persistent?' He thought. 'She may hate him, but what's that got to do with getting in a boat?'  
  
"Boromir, would go in that boat?" He said, knowing the answer before it was even said.  
  
"Sure!" He said, quickly. "I mean, yeah, OK. I'm not bothered."  
  
"I'm not going in a boat with those two!" Legolas said. "All they do is whinge and moan! They so annoying!"  
  
"I think you'd get along quite well." Christina said, through gritted teeth. It was typical of him to make things difficult.  
  
"Get in the boat, Christina." Aragorn said, again. She shot a dirty look at Legolas and looked down on Aragorn, as an Elder to junior.   
  
"If he lays a finger on me, I will hold you both responsible. You will suffer as he does, Aragorn." She hissed. She got in the boat and sat at the front knowing Legolas would sit at the back.  
  
"Touch her and die, Elf boy." Aragorn whispered as Legolas went towards the third boat.  
  
Nothing much happened on their journey, that is until Christina told Legolas that in Moria she wiped orc-blood on his back. In doing so, he shoved her in water and was delighted to have to rescue her, as none of the others could swim or wanted to save her. He also attempted to give her the kiss of life and received a very hard slap for that.  
  
"OW! Do it again!" She hit him again for being gross, not because he asked her to.  
  
"EWWW! PERVERT!"  
  
"OW! Oh, how I long for her touch."  
  
"STOP SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!!!" She hit him again. "And get off me!!!" He had yet to stand up from his position in trying to give her the kiss of life.  
  
Late afternoon on the tenth day, the Company reached Parth Galen. They set up camp and normal routine resumed. Aragorn thinking, Legolas watching, Gimli lighting the fire, the hobbits wanting food, Boromir craving the Ring and Christina being Christina.   
  
"I am sooooo bored," Christina moaned.   
  
"So you keep saying," Aragorn replied irritably. That was the seventh time she'd said. "And if you say one more time, I'll…"  
  
"You'll what, Aragorn?" She said, innocently. "You wouldn't hurt a harmless young girl now, would you? What would that do to your reputation? I don't think that's a very good example to set to the hobbits now, is it?" He growled and went to sit down but Legolas stopped him.  
  
"We should leave now," He said, whilst looking nervously around him.  
  
"No, orcs patrol the Eastern Shore. We must wait for cover of darkness." Aragorn said.  
  
"It is not the Eastern Shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat have been growing in my mind. Something draws near. I can feel it." Christina watched him as he reeled of his spiel and interrupted Aragorn when he had finished.  
  
"You really are very gay, aren't you?" She said, sweetly.  
  
"I'm not!" He whined. She shook her head.  
  
"You see straight men don't do that." She said, explanatorily.   
  
"I'm not a man." He said. Pippin looked shocked and pointed at the Elf.  
  
"I knew it!" He cried. But, Sam, being the killjoy that he is, had to spoil the fun.  
  
"Actually, he's not. He's an Elf. Elves aren't men, else they'd be called men, not Elves." Pippin whacked him on the head.  
  
"That's not the point!" He shouted. Christina smiled.  
  
"Well done, Pippin!" She said, genuinely pleased with him. "I'm proud of you!" Merry returned from collecting firewood and looked around.   
  
"Where's Frodo?"  
  
___________________  
  
And noooowwww the end is neaaarrrrrr, and so I face the final curtaaiiinnnn.  
  
Well actually, the end is not near, it's here, ooh! That rhymed!  
  
Anyhoo, what this means is that this is the last chapter of 'Not a Mary-Sue' that Elfie gave me so next time it's updated it'll be her writing. Please make sure to leave her lots of lovely reviews.   
  
Namarie  
  
~Guardian of Tears 


	13. Quick reflexes and good coordination

A/N: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! Elfie is in the house!!!!!! And she's rather tanned too. Eru help you all!  
  
Wowsie! What a response! Ta peeps! Wowsie! Ooh, I feel honoured! I can't believe so many different peeps have reviewed! And so many peeps like it! But anyway.. more important stuff. Notes to my reviewers:  
  
Moj: I LOVE YOU! You are a complete darling!!! You've kept my reviewer peeps (and me) happy! Tafi is completely right! You are a great mate! Thank you so, so much! OK, I'm gonna quit with the soppy stuff now. Oh yeah: yes, Piewacket is correct and the 'sunny place' I went to was Menorca.  
  
Tafi: I LOVE YOU ALSO! You make my writing and review reading so much more enjoyable! (And considerably longer too! Lolz!) I'm sorry about being so evil to Legolas (I love ya, honey, really I do!!! - Um. help! I'm talking to an imaginary person!) but, anyway, it's what makes the story funny and you said yourself you liked it! And yeah, she is a bit of a wimp but the fact that she's very scary often works to her advantage (Ch.5 for example!) Thanx for the email, by the way!  
  
Lafi: Cool! Never had to thank you before! I'm glad you like! And if I'm right in thinking that you reviewed me (I got a bit confused with that) then thank you. I know you were present when Tafi has reviewed me so even if you didn't do so personally, thanx anyway!  
  
Sanely challenged: I'm glad I gave you a laugh so early in the morning! Others are: Estriel Laureatinwe, Laura, me, (someone left their name completely blank), Guardian of Tears, lil' odd me, Lyraa, twinkssparklygirl and my mind has gone blank so I can't remember any other names. To everyone else I've forgotten: I'm really sorry I've forgotten you, but I really do appreciate all your support! I've read all your reviews! I'm glad most of you like it! I only remember one flame and all I have to say is: F*CK YOU, ARSEHOLE! I'm sorry to everyone else reading, that may seem a little harsh but, as some of you already know, I HATE flames and I NEVER write them. I think they are completely uncalled for. If you don't like a fic, don't read it. You shouldn't make someone feel bad by telling them they're crap writers and that they should stop writing. Some people do enjoy what I write (Tafi, GoT etc.) and luckily for them I'm not gonna stop just to please one person. Well, I've just noticed how long this A/N is, so I reckon now would be a great time to shut up and let you read! Enjoy! Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Sorry about all that spiel just then! You just gotta let me get on with it!!!  
  
PPS. I'm going away AGAIN on Sunday for two weeks. So you'll probably only get one more update after this for a while.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
"Do we really care where Frodo has gone?" Christina said. "It's not like he can't look after himself, and Boromir's gone after him, anyway."  
  
"He has?" Aragorn said, confusedly.  
  
"Yes, I sent him." She replied. "He asked me a while ago where Frodo had gone so I told him to go and find him, and to get some more firewood while he was at it. And he went very willingly to go before any of you accuse me of bullying him into it." Aragorn and Legolas glanced at each other very discreetly, but unfortunately for them, not discreetly enough. "What?" She asked, suspiciously.  
  
"We didn't do anything." Aragorn replied, quickly.  
  
"Yes, you did. You glanced at each other. What do you know that I don't?"  
  
"We don't know anything." Legolas replied, but he didn't get a chance to change it before Christina mocked them.  
  
"We know this," she said, whilst picking up an orange, "but I asked you about that look then, not about your lack of intelligence." She started to bounce the orange on either side of her hand. She threw it slightly in the air and quickly turned her hand over. It then bounced off the back of her hand and she turned her hand over again. She repeated these actions many, many times before getting bored. (A/N: It takes a hell of a lot of skill to do that!) She looked up and saw Aragorn and Legolas watching her in amazement.  
  
"Yes? Can I help you?" She said, sourly.  
  
"Do you know how hard it is to do that?" Aragorn said. "The only people that I know who can do it are Elves and that's only a very limited number of people! I, for one, can't do it."  
  
"No, it isn't!" She said, though she was actually proud that she could something Aragorn couldn't. (A/N: Even though, being a woman, that would apply to many things. anyway.) "It's easy. It's only hard if you don't have very quick reflexes or good co-ordination."  
  
"I'm a Ranger!" He said, still surprised that she did it. "I have both!"  
  
"Well, that doesn't matter, at all. You still haven't answered my question."  
  
"Do we have to answer?" Legolas said, hoping the answer (but knowing it wouldn't be) would be no.  
  
"Yes, you do." She said, firmly.  
  
"Well. you see. you know, Boromir is going to kill us." Legolas said.  
  
"Spill the beans, gay arse!"  
  
"Could you please stop saying that?!"  
  
"Fine, Leggy-lulu, now spit it out!!!"  
  
"Oh, bloody hell!" Aragorn sighed. "I'll tell her! Christina, Boromir fancies you, OK? That's why we glanced at each other. He dotes after you! He told us in Moria, and again in Lothlórien. That's why we glanced at each other." She watched Aragorn for a moment to see if he showed any signs of trying to wind her up. There weren't any.  
  
"Oh, come on!" she laughed. "You really expect me to believe that? The only reason I believed Legolas did -"  
  
"Does." He said  
  
"- DID, was because I had proof."  
  
"He does, Christina." Pippin said. "He told us two a couple of nights ago, didn't he Merry? When we were talking about -"  
  
"Yes, Pippin, I remember!" He said, quickly.  
  
"Fair enough." She sighed, miserably. 'Why do I try so hard to be nice to gorgeous men at home, and they don't want to know, then I go on some stupid quest thing and the mingers like me?' she thought.  
  
"I'm a fairy and my name's Nuff." Pippin said, suddenly.  
  
"You what?" Christina said, whilst giving him a very odd look.  
  
"I'm a fairy and my name's Nuff!" He repeated. "Fair enough. Fairy Nuff. Get it?"  
  
"You're very odd." She laughed. "But I love you for it! So you're absolutely certain he likes me?"  
  
"100%" He said back.  
  
"Oh, for Eru's sake!"  
  
"Why is it she believes a young, stupid hobbit and not a wizened Elf and Ranger?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Because I don't value your opinions." She replied, sweetly. She looked over Aragorn's shoulder. "Hi Boromir. What are you looking so guilty about? Did you find Frodo? Why haven't you brought any firewood?"  
  
"I got angry at Frodo, yes and I got angry at him, and I got angry at Frodo so I threw it of the floor." He said, miserably.  
  
"You did what?!?!?!" Sam cried, half angrily, half worriedly.  
  
"I tried to convince him to come to Minas Tirith and not to go east. I grew angry when he refused and he left me. He vanished. He must have put the Ring on."  
  
"You idiot!!!" Christina said. "Honestly, never get a man to do a woman's job. I should never have let you go and find Frodo. I should have known YOU would screw it up! Why didn't you just do as I asked? Get firewood, find Frodo bring both back to camp. It's quite simple!" Everybody stayed silent for a moment. Were they all imagining it or did she genuinely care bout what had happened to Frodo? . Nah!  
  
"I did both, but I also lost them both." He said.  
  
"Well, that's not much use to us, is it?!?!"  
  
"This is bad!" said Sam.  
  
"How long since you last saw him, Boromir?" Aragorn said, sternly.  
  
"Half an hour, possibly an hour. I don't know, I have wandered for some time since."  
  
"An hour since he left!" shouted Sam. "We must try and find him at once. Come on!"  
  
"Wait a moment!" cried Aragorn. "We must divide into pairs and arrange - here, hold on! Wait!" But it was no good. They took no notice of him. Sam dashed off first. Merry and Pippin had followed and were already disappearing westward into the trees by the shore, shouting: "Frodo! Frodo!" in their high, clear hobbit voices. Legolas and Gimli were running. A sudden madness or panic seemed to have befallen the Company. The only two who remained with Aragorn were Christina and Boromir.  
  
"I suggest you give up, Aragorn." She advised. "None of them are going to listen. Least of all, the hobbits."  
  
"We shall be scattered and lost!" Aragoarn groaned. "Boromir! I do not know what part you have played in this mischief, but help now! Go after those two young hobbits and guard them at the least, even if you cannot find Frodo. Come back to this spot if you find him or any traces of him. Christina come with me."  
  
"Why should I?" She retorted, indignantly. "Why can't I go find the hobbits and Boromir go with you? Or me and Boromir go after the hobbits?"  
  
"Because I need you to come with me." He lied. He knew she would just make Boromir feel very uncomfortable if she went with him and he didn't want to put up with Boromir.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just because I do."  
  
"That's not a reason."  
  
"Look, I'll get Legolas back here and make you stay with him." Her eyes widened in horror and she shook her head rapidly.  
  
"Alright, I'm coming." 


	14. Following the leader! But who is the lea...

A/N: I know it's confusing but I'm jumping ahead a bit now. But if you've read 'Boromir's Niece' then you'll be used to my screwed up writing habits!!!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. This chapter is quite badly written in that I can't be arsed to write properly today. You saw my reaction to the last flame, so don't bother! PPS. Tafi, I apologise in advance. She's quite ungrateful, manipulative and evil in this chapter. But you know you love it really! xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 14  
  
"The Horn of Gondor!" Legolas exclaimed as he span around in the direction of the sound. Aragorn and Christina did the same.  
  
"Boromir!" Aragorn said as he ran past Legolas, towards the sound. There was a look of pure horror on Christina's face.  
  
"Pippin!!!" She cried and followed Aragorn, leaving Legolas staring, confusedly, after them, not having a clue what was going on. She didn't know if Boromir had found the younger two hobbits, but she thought it would probably be logical that he had if he was calling for help.  
  
Stumbling as she ran, all Christina could think of was what those horrid Uruk-Hai might do to the poor, defenceless hobbits if Boromir couldn't protect them. 'Bloody orcs!' she thought as hundreds of the things charged at her. 'Uh-oh.' Just as she thought she was about to die (A/N: Unlike Aragorn, when faced with hundreds of bloodthirsty orcs, she didn't really stand a good chance of surviving) an arrow went whizzing past her ear and struck the nose of an oncoming orc. She turned around and saw Legolas. 'GO AWAY!!! If I'm going to die, just leave me to it! I don't want your help! It'll mean I owe you something, and that is definitely NOT good!!!' She thought.  
  
"Christina, go!" He shouted.  
  
"Where?" She hissed. She certainly wasn't going to be nice to him.  
  
"Well, if you want to die, then stay put, otherwise I'd carry on going wherever you were going before! Gimli and myself can hold them off for now!" She cast him a demeaning look but carried on anyway. 'Dammit! I hate it when he's right!'  
  
When the three of them finally reached Boromir and Aragorn, they found they were too late. Christina found her eyes watering but she quickly stopped herself.  
  
"Boromir is dead," said Aragorn. "He fell defending the hobbits."  
  
"Alas!" said Legolas, coming to Aragorn's side. "We have hunted and slain many orcs in the woods but we should have been of more use here."  
  
"What of the hobbits?" Christina asked, anxiously. "Did he find them? Where are they?"  
  
"I do not know," answered Aragorn, wearily. "Before he died, Boromir told me that the Orcs had them bound; he did not think they were dead." He sighed heavily. "What are we to do now?"  
  
"We must tend the fallen, first," said Legolas. "We cannot leave him lying like a carrion among these foul orcs."  
  
"We must be swift," said Gimli. "He would not wish us to lin-"  
  
"Instead of talking about it why don't we just do it?!?!?!" Christina snapped. "I'm standing knee deep in dead bodies and I don't appreciate it very much!"  
  
"And we must not stall here any longer than is necessary," added Aragorn. "And if you see anything that belonged to our small friends bring them along."  
  
They spent just over half an hour scouting around for either Boromir or the hobbits' belongings. They discovered two knives, leaf-bladed, damasked in gold and red and the black sheaths for them, set with red gems.  
  
"They belong to Merry and Pippin!" Christina cried when she saw them. "They showed me in Lothlórien whilst telling me about their journey to Rivendell. Let me carry them, please! If they're still alive, it means they're weaponless. I wish to return them, should we meet again."  
  
When they sent the boat, in which Boromir lay, over the falls of Rauros, they bowed their head in silent prayer for a moment. As Aragorn, Christina and Gimli gathered they things together, Legolas stared hard at the opposite sure. Christina was about to comment when she noticed a change in the Elf's expression.  
  
"Frodo and Sam have just reached the Eastern Shore!" he cried, excitedly. "We will soon catch them, if we hurry!" He began to push the remaining boat out into the river but he realised no one was moving behind him. He slowly turned to look at them. Eventually, he said:  
  
"You mean not to follow them?"  
  
"That took you 16 seconds?!" Christina scoffed. "All suspicions are now confirmed. Legolas is officially STUPID! But anyway, for once you're right! But remember it was sheer dumb luck! We're not going after Frodo."  
  
"We're not?" said Aragorn and Gimli.  
  
"No, we're not. We're going to get Pippin and Merry."  
  
"We are?"  
  
"Yes, we are. I'm not going to let some dumbass wizard torture and torment them. That's my job! So come on, chop chop! We've no time to loose!"  
  
"Wait a minute!" Aragorn demanded. "I thought I was the leader! That means I make the decisions. What if I wanted to go after Frodo and Sam?"  
  
"Go then," She replied. "Just for the record, I'm going after Pippin and Merry. And I WILL go alone if needs be. But, Aragorn, I've just had a thought-"  
  
"Did it hurt?" Legolas hissed, he wasn't happy about being called stupid. He managed to dodge a blow aimed at his head.  
  
"Anyway," she continued, "what would Arwen say if she knew you'd let a young girl go off, on her own, to face Eru knows how many orcs to bravely save her friends? Friends that you wished to leave behind." Aragorn narrowed his eyes on her.  
  
"That's blackmail!" He growled. She smiled sweetly.  
  
"You can't win them all, Aragorn!" She said, happily, knowing she'd won. He knew it too. When he finally trusted himself to go on, he said:  
  
"Leave all that can be spared behind; we travel light!" He turned his back for a moment and picked up his hunting knives. We he turned back, they saw a smile on his face. "Let's hunt some orc!" 


	15. Tedious homophobe

A/N: Most important things first:  
  
Twinkssparklygirl: Stop it! Your making me blush! But thanks, I'm glad you like it! I hope this is as good as the others! Tafi: I hope that Jill likes your stuff (as if she couldn't), your mom DOESN'T get fired and that she DOES get a pay rise! I hope your date goes well and that it's Tyler not Nick! Did I get that all right? Oh well, I'm sure you'll correct me if I'm not, right? Elfie never was! Anyhoo, I'll let you all read now!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 15  
  
"You do realise I haven't slept in about 24 hours, don't you?" Christina said, meaningfully.  
  
"It's your own fault," replied Aragorn. "You wanted to go and find Merry and Pippin. Had we, instead, gone after Frodo and Sam, then you would probably be sleeping now."  
  
"Don't I know it," she grumbled, quietly.  
  
"I think you're starting to regret your decision," Legolas said, playfully.  
  
"I am not!" She insisted.  
  
"Will both of just shut up?! You are so annoying!" Gimli said. They looked at him as if they'd never seen him before. Their reasoning was sound though.  
  
"He actually spoke to us," Legolas said, disbelievingly.  
  
"He actually said two whole sentences," Christina added.  
  
"I don't know why he would want to," Aragorn said. "All you've done since we started looking for the two little ones is bicker and argue. It's getting quite tedious." Legolas and Christina looked at each other and then burst out laughing.  
  
"Um. did we miss something?" Gimli asked.  
  
"He ~gasp~ said ~gasp~ tedious! ~gasp~ Don't ~gasp~ you ~gasp~ think ~gasp~ that's ~gasp~ a ~gasp~ funny ~gasp~ word?" Christina laughed.  
  
"Not particularly," the dwarf said.  
  
"Well ~giggle~ that's ~giggle~ because ~giggle~ you're ~giggle~ a ~giggle~ stupid ~giggle~ smelly ~giggle~ dwarf! ~giggle~ You ~giggle~ don't ~giggle~ have ~giggle~ a ~giggle~ sense ~giggle~ of ~giggle~ humour!" Legolas gasped.  
  
"I do!" He retorted. "I just don't ever laugh at any of your 'jokes' because they are not funny." Legolas and Christina stopped laughing and looked at him oddly.  
  
"You really need to lighten up, Gimli," Christina scoffed. "Or you might get so grumpy you'll end up like Aragorn." But he didn't hear her, he had begun to walk ahead. As he did, they followed and early morning light crept over them.  
  
The ridge upon which the companions stood went down steeply before their feet. Below it twenty fathoms or more, there was a wide and rugged shelf, which ended suddenly at the brink of a sheer cliff: the East Wall of Rohan. So ended Emyn Muil and the green plains of the Rohirrim stretched away before them to the edge of the sight.  
  
"Home," Christina whispered. "You know, I haven't been to this part of Rohan since I was 13."  
  
"Do you miss it?" Aragorn said, trying to be comforting.  
  
"No! It's bloody boring! All you do is ride horses all day!" She said with a frown. "Don't get me wrong, I love horses as much as the next person, but when it's all you can do in one area that goes on for miles and miles, it can get irritating."  
  
"So, you don't like Rohan then?" Gimli asked. Her rantings had confused.  
  
"Oh no, I love Rohan!" She said, quickly. "But.. Look, let's put it this way. I'm sure Legolas would get bored of firing arrows if he had to do it non-stop for six hours-a-day, six days a week."  
  
"You really had to do that?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Yep," she sighed.  
  
"Why?" said Gimli.  
  
"Just herding and stuff. I don't know why I, specifically, had to do it, my father made me do it. Then one day, when I was 13, I refused to go with him. I couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't ride again after that for 2½ years. My mom brought me a horse."  
  
"So, do you miss anything?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I do miss my home, as in my house, though. I haven't been there for about six months. And my ho-"  
  
"Look!" cried Legolas, pointing up at the pale sky above them.  
  
"Yes, Legolas," Christina mocked, not appreciating being interrupted. "Its called sky."  
  
"No," he said, dismissing the comment. "There is the eagle again! He is very high. He seems to be flying now away from this land back to the North. He is going with great speed. Look!"  
  
"Gimli, I told you not to put that stuff in his drink!" Christina said. "You've sent him delusional!"  
  
"Look!" Legolas cried. "Aragorn, do you not see it?"  
  
"No, not even my eyes can see him, my good Legolas," said Aragorn.  
  
"I knew it!" Christina exclaimed. "You are gay! Both of you! I knew it! HA!"  
  
"No wonder they want to get rid of her so often," Gimli said. "The girl is deranged."  
  
"What is wrong with me saying 'My good Legolas'?!" Aragorn asked. "It's simply an affectionate statement-"  
  
"I bet Arwen doesn't know you show affection to men," she interrupted, slyly.  
  
"Will you STOP bringing up Arwen every time we have a conversation!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Would you rather I brought up Galadriel? She and I are quite good friends, you know." Aragorn's eyes widened in horror. Galadriel was the only person he was scared of.  
  
"Look, Christina, I want to get this straight now. I'm not gay, Legolas isn't gay and Gimli. me and Legolas aren't gay, all right?" He sighed. "What have you got against gay people anyway?"  
  
"Absolutely nothing," she answered. "I just wish people wouldn't deny it all the time. The amount of people back home who say they're not but actually are is unbelievable!"  
  
"Have you ever considered the fact that maybe they aren't?" Gimli put in.  
  
"Oh no, these are people that I KNOW are gay. People who have announced it. Anyway, what's that, Legolas? There's something moving on the plains." She was getting very good at changing the subject completely. In ways that nobody else could possibly manage. She pointed away in the distance where something disturbed the peaceful calm of the plains.  
  
"Many things," he said. "It is a great company on foot; but I cannot say more, nor see what kind of folk they may be. They are many leagues away: twelve, I guess; but the flatness of the plain is hard to measure."  
  
"Yeah, well, it's pretty obvious which way to carry on going, isn't it?!" Christina said.  
  
"It could be something else," Gimli began.  
  
"No, it couldn't," she said, knowingly. "He's already said they're on foot. Nowadays, only the Rohirrim go here and they only ride horses. They never go on foot, and especially not as a 'great company'. That's the orcs all right. Trust me on this one, I know this land better than the three of you put together."  
  
"She's right, Gimli," Legolas said.  
  
"And don't agree with me!" She added.  
  
"You'd rather I argued with you?" he asked, confusedly. (A/N: She's good at confusing people, isn't she?)  
  
"Yes, that way I think you don't like me!"  
  
"But, I-"  
  
"Don't you dare say it!" She growled. "Now get going, all of you, before we lose them."  
  
"Yes, Christina," They said in unison.  
  
"Ooh, I like that!" She giggled. "You can say that more often!" 


	16. Riders of Rohan

Disclaimer: Ain't done one yet, so here goes: I don't own Legolas, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, Boromir (even though he's dead), Middle Earth, Valar, Eru, Rohan, Rivendell, Isengard, Elrond, Arwen, Éomer, Éowyn, Théoden, Wormtongue, Saruman, Sauron, orcs, Uruk-Hai. I think you get the picture. All I own is Christina, her story line and several Orli pics.  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 16  
  
"Curse those stupid creatures!" Christina cried as they ran in single file. "They have bruised and blackened the sweet grass of Rohan with their damned feet!"  
  
"You shall get your revenge, Christina!" Gimli said. "As we all shall, for our own purposes!"  
  
"Stay!" Aragorn suddenly shouted. He turned right, away from the main trail they had been following. "Do not follow me yet!"  
  
"We're not dogs, you know!" She shouted after him. But he wasn't listening, for he had seen footprints that went that way, branching off from the others, the marks of small unshod feet. They did not go far before they were crossed by orc prints. At the furthest point, Aragorn stooped and picked up something from the grass; then he ran back.  
  
"Yes," he said, "they are quite plain: a hobbit's footprints. Pippin's, I think. He is smaller than the other. And look at this!" He held up a thing that glittered in the sunlight. It looked like the new-opened leaf of a beech-tree, fair and strange in that treeless plain.  
  
"The broach of an elven-cloak!" Christina, Gimli and Legolas cried together.  
  
"Not idly do the leaves of Lórien fall," said Aragorn. "This did not drop by chance: it was cast away as a token to any that might follow. I think Pippin ran away from the trail for that purpose."  
  
"My little Pippin!" Christina said. "Oh, he's so brave! Then he at least was alive! That is definitely heartening. It would help if we knew of Merry as well, but at least we do not pursue in vain."  
  
"Let us hope he did not pay too dearly for his boldness," said Legolas.  
  
"Don't say that!" Christina cried.  
  
"It's the truth," he said. "Anyway, come! Let us go on! The thought of those merry folk driven like cattle burns my heart."  
  
The sun climbed to the noon and then rode slowly down the sky. Light clouds came up out of the sea in the distant South and were blown away upon the breeze. The sun sank. Shadows rose behind and reached out long arms from the East. Still the hunters held on. One day had now passed since Boromir fell and the orcs were yet far ahead. No longer could any sight be seen of them in the level plains. As nightshade was closing about them, Aragorn halted. Only twice in a day's march had they rested for a brief while and twelve leagues now lay between them and where they had stood at dawn.  
  
"We have come at last to hard choice," he said. "Shall we rest by night or shall we go on while our will and strength hold?"  
  
"Unless our enemies rest also, they will leave us far behind, if we stay to sleep," said Legolas.  
  
"Surely even orcs must pause in the march?" said Gimli.  
  
"Seldom will orcs journey under open sun, yet these have done so," said Legolas. "Certainly, they will not rest by night."  
  
"But if we walk by night we cannot follow their trail," said Gimli.  
  
"The trail is straight, and turns neither left nor right, as far as my eyes can see," said Legolas.  
  
"Maybe I could lead you in darkness and hold to the line," said Aragorn; "but if we strayed or turned aside, then when light came there might be a long delay before the trail was found again."  
  
"And there is this also," said Gimli: "only by day can we see if any tracks lead away. If a prisoner should escape or if one should be carried off, eastward, say, towards Mordor, we might pass the signs and never know it."  
  
"And we can't go anywhere without Christina," said Aragorn. The Elf and the Dwarf looked at him oddly, but he simply nodded in Christina's direction. She was sat on the floor, sound asleep, leaning on a rock.  
  
"Well, I think the decision has been made for us," said Legolas, whilst trying not to laugh. "Because I'm sure not going to wake her up."  
  
Before dawn was in the sky, Aragorn awoke. Gimli and Christina were still sleeping, but Legolas was standing, gazing northwards into the darkness, thoughtful and silent as a young tree in a windless night.  
  
"They are far away," he said sadly, turning to Aragorn. "I know in my heart that they have not rested this night. Only an eagle could overtake them now."  
  
"Oh, quit your belly-aching!" Christina groaned as she slowly woke. "We're following them and that is that." She kicked Gimli in the back. "Get up!"  
  
"OW!" He cried. "Alright, alright, I'm up! Wait a minute, but it's still dark. Even Legolas couldn't on a hill-top could not see them 'til the sun is up."  
  
"No, he couldn't, they're out of sight and we've got to try and catch up with them. Now get up before I kick you again," she said.  
  
So the third day of their pursuit began. During all its long hours of cloud and fitful sun they hardly paused (to Christina's dismay), now striding, now running, as if now weariness could quench the fire that burned in them. All day the track of their enemies led straight on, going west without a break or a turn. As once again the day wore on to its end they came to long treeless slopes, where the land rose, swelling up towards a line of low humpbacked downs ahead. The orc-trail grew fainter as it bent north towards them, for the ground became harder and the grass shorter.  
  
No moving thing could be seen. Often Christina wondered that they saw no sign of beast or man. The dwellings of the Rohirrim were for the most part many leagues away to the South, under the wooded eaves of the White Mountains, now hidden in mist and cloud. Yet, her people had formerly kept many herds and studs in the Eastemnet, this easterly region of their realm, and there the herdsmen had wandered much, living in camp and tent, even in wintertime. But now all the land was empty and there was silence that did not seem to be the quiet of peace.  
  
The sun rose on their fourth day of travelling and Christina was as moody as ever. She wanted to find the hobbits, probably, more than anyone, but the endless journey was wearing on her and she wished she could sleep just as a little longer. They looked out at what lay before them. Eastward lay the Wold of Rohan that they had already glimpsed many days ago from the Great River. North-westward stalked the dark forest of Fangorn. Out of the forest, the Entwash flowed to meet them, its stream now swift and narrow and its banks deep-cloven. The orc-trail turned from the downs towards it.  
  
Christina looked towards the forest and saw a shadow on the distant green. She turned to Aragorn.  
  
"It may be because I'm still half a sleep, or I could be suffering from paranoia, but I'm sure there's something moving over there." She pointed and they all looked over to where she had been previously. Aragorn, too, saw the shadow and cast himself on the ground and listened intently. But Legolas stood beside him, shading his bright, elven-eyes with his long slender hand and he saw not a shadow, nor a blur, but the small figures of horsemen, many horsemen and the glint of morning on the tips of their spears was like the twinkle of minute stars beyond the edge of mortal sight. There was silence in the empty fields and Gimli and Christina could hear the air moving in the grass.  
  
A/N: I know that' a crud place to leave it, but this chapter is going to end up another 7-page long one if I carry on! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	17. Smoky black hair

Chapter 17  
  
"Riders!" cried Aragorn, springing to his feet. "Many riders on swift steeds are coming towards!"  
  
"Yes," said Legolas, "there are one hundred and five. Yellow is their hair and bright are their spears. Their leader is tall." Aragorn smiled.  
  
"Keen are the eyes of Elves," he said.  
  
"Actually, we prefer golden," said Christina.  
  
"Pardon?" Aragorn said. "Golden what? Eyes?" Christina tutted.  
  
"No, hair," she said. "Legolas said: 'Yellow is their hair', we prefer people to say golden. It sounds so much nicer."  
  
"Well, anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, Keen are the eyes of Elves."  
  
"Nay! The riders are little more than five leagues distant," said Legolas.  
  
"Five leagues or one," said Gimli, "we cannot escape them in this bare land. Shall we wait for them here or go on our way?"  
  
"We will wait," said Aragorn. "I am weary and our hunt has failed."  
  
"No, it hasn't!" cried Christina. "And you'll get a slap if you say that again."  
  
"Shut up, Christina," Aragorn said, shocking them. "I've had enough of your hysterical threats. That's about the seventh time you've threatened to slap me and you still haven't." She stood in shock for a few moments and then slapped him. It was Aragorn's turn to look shocked. He definitely wasn't going to try that gain.  
  
"Well, you can't deny that our hunt has failed," he said, "because it has and you know it. Well, that our others were before us, for these horsemen are riding back down the orc-trail. We may get news from them."  
  
"Or spears," said Gimli.  
  
"There are three empty saddles, but I see no hobbits," said Legolas.  
  
"I did not say that we should hear good news," said Aragorn. "But evil or good we will wait here."  
  
The four companions now left the hilltop, where they might be an easy mark against the pale sky, and they walked slowly down the northward slope. A little above the hill's foot they halted and, wrapping their cloaks about them, they sat huddled together (Christina didn't like that at all, but she didn't want to get cold or be excluded either) upon the faded grass. Aragorn sat with a thoughtful and anxious look on his face. He was trying to pluck up the courage to ask something. Finally, he summoned that courage and said:  
  
"Christina, why do you have black hair?" She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It's smoky black actually and what, in the name of wonder, made you ask that?" She said.  
  
"Well, everyone in Rohan has 'golden' hair and yours is smoky black," he said.  
  
"I don't like golden hair, OK?" She said, icily. From the tone of her voice, it had obviously struck a nerve. So Legolas made it his job to pursue that.  
  
"That doesn't answer the question though," he said. "That's like me saying I don't like red hair. It bears no relevance to your own hair colour."  
  
"It does if you listen to the answer," she snapped. "Do you want me to spell it out?!"  
  
"That might help, yes," said Legolas, innocently.  
  
"For Eru's sake! Look, I'm from Rohan, yes? So I should have golden hair. But I don't. So, that means." Legolas was about to carry on playing stupid but Aragorn leapt in.  
  
"You dye your hair?!" he said, astonished at the revelation.  
  
"No, I do it by magic," she said, sarcastically. "Yes, I dye my hair. If you've got a problem, deal with it, OK?"  
  
The time passed very slowly and heavily after that conversation. The wind was thin and searching. Gimli was uneasy.  
  
"What do you know of these horsemen, Aragorn?" he said. "Do we sit here waiting for sudden death?"  
  
"Um, hello?" Christina said, irritably. "I am here you know! Me. Christina. As in Christina from Rohan. Christina who's likely to know a hell of a lot more than he is! So ask me the dumbass questions!"  
  
"All right then," he said. "What do you know of these horsemen, Christina? Do we sit here waiting for sudden death?"  
  
"Of course not! Don't be so stupid!" she said. "Don't get them riled, though. They're not pleasant when they're angry. But they're aren't violent, especially not towards me. They are all wimps. Yes-men. Totally pathetic."  
  
"Another thing you don't like about Rohan?" Aragorn inquired.  
  
"I've already told you, I LIKE Rohan. And anyway, I DO like the Rohirrim. Some of them are gorgeous, and very easy to fight because they are such weaklings!"  
  
"But Gandalf spoke of rumour that they pay tribute to Mordor," said Gimli.  
  
"We do no such thing!" Christina cried. "He has stolen horses from us but we have never freely given them. There is no price we would except for horses to be used in such a cruel manner!"  
  
"Well, you shall soon have a second opinion, Master Dwarf," said Legolas. "Already they approach."  
  
At length, even Gimli could hear the distant beat of galloping hoofs. The horsemen, following the trail, had turned from the river and were drawing near the downs. They were riding like the wind. Suddenly they swept up with a noise like thunder and the foremost horseman swerved, passing by the foot of the hill and leading the host back southward along the western skirts of the downs. After him they rode: a long line of mail-clad men, swift, shining, fell and fair to look upon. In pairs they galloped by and though every now and then one rose in his stirrups to gaze ahead and to either side, they appeared not to perceive the four strangers sitting silently watching. The host had almost passed when suddenly Aragorn stood up and called in a loud voice:  
  
"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?" 


	18. Piewacket is a perfectly normal name!

A/N: Firstly reviewer notes:  
  
FUCKING HELL TAFI! How long is your review for ch.12? I'm gonna be there all day! But I luv u for it! OK, I read it now. You really make me laugh, both of you! Thanks for takin the time! But I gotta ask, how long did that take you?!?! And I don't mind spoilers!!! And (me being thick again) what's an fyi? Tafi, what's with the rhyming? Yup, BOB is a dickhead! I really don't give a toss about him! Anyway, I'm sure you want to read now so I'll just let you go and do that!  
  
Lafi: I didn't mean it to sound like a chore! Sorry! I like thanking new people! Even though you're not new. OK, I'll rephrase that. I like thanking new reviewers! OK, well, thank you again! OK, your also making me laugh! Wow, you're a mixture of Christina AND Tafi! That would turn you into a younger, female version of Boromir from FOTR: My Way (the good vs. bad thing! That I found hilariously funny by the way!)  
  
Mojo-7007: Thanks! And I don't know! She shouldn't but anything's possible! Anyhoo, I'll let u go now! Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Chapter 18  
  
With astonishing speed and skill they checked their steeds, wheeled and came charging round. Soon the four companions found themselves in a ring of horsemen moving in a running circle. Aragorn stood and Gimli and Legolas sat there looking shocked but Christina just stood with her hands on her hips. She'd seen all this many times before. She was impressed the first time but now it was just boring. She looked round, to see if, even at the speed they were going, she could recognise anyone. Suddenly the riders halted, without a word or cry, and then one man rode forward. He was a tall man, taller than all the rest; from his helm as a crest a white horse tail flowed. He was still in line with the others and was about to step out when he noticed Christina. He leant over to the man on his left.  
  
"Is that Christina?" He said, anxiously. The other man nodded nervously. "Hide the horse!" But it was too late.  
  
"PIEWACKET!" She cried as she ran over to the three rider-less horses. When the horse heard her name, it whinnied and trotted over to her. "Oh, I've missed you!" She kissed her nose. "I hope they've been treating you right!" Her three companions looked at each other.  
  
"Piewacket?" They said together.  
  
"It's like spongeface all over again," said Legolas.  
  
"Piewacket is a perfectly normal name," Christina said, whilst stroking her horses neck. She was too happy to take any insults to heart at that moment. But, suddenly she froze. "Piewacket?" Then, she turned on her heel and glared at the leader.  
  
"Éomer!" she barked. "What is my horse doing out here with you?!"  
  
"We, um, had to borrow her?" he squeaked. She slowly started to walk over to him.  
  
"Did I say you could use her?" She said. He looked at the others for help but they were slowly backing away. He shook his head.  
  
"So, what made you think you could?" She was still walking towards him.  
  
"Well, I-I, sort of, figured you wouldn't be back for a while, and that you wouldn't mind, and-" he said. She gave him the look a parent gives a child when they're trying to explain why they drew on the wall.  
  
"So you thought that you could use her while I was away and that I wouldn't know? Is that what you're trying to say?" She said. He stayed silent for a moment.  
  
"I'mreallysorryChristinaitwon'thappenagainyouhavemyword!" he said.  
  
"I'll remember that," she hissed and then returned to her horse. Éomer turned to Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas, who were trying their very hardest not to laugh. He suddenly went serious and advanced until the point of his spear was within a foot of Aragorn's chest. Aragorn did not stir.  
  
"Who are you and what are you doing in this land?" said Éomer. Without turning around, Christina called over to him.  
  
"Stop acting all high and mighty, Éomer, they aren't convinced. They're with me. The Elf is Legolas from Mirkwood, the Dwarf is Gimli from the Lonely Mountain and the man is-"  
  
"Strider," Aragorn quickly interrupted. She looked over her shoulder at him, raised an eyebrow and continued. "Anyway, yeah, Strider from. actually, I don't know where he's from. Anyway, we're looking for some halflings. If you've seen them, great, if you haven't, stop delaying us."  
  
"Halflings!" laughed the Rider that stood beside Éomer. "Halflings! But they are only little people in old songs and children's tales out of the North. Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?" At this she turned around.  
  
"Shut it, Éothain. You don't know what you're taking about. They are as real as the horse you sit upon," she said, "and twice as cute!" Éomer shook his head and then turned back to Aragorn.  
  
"I am curious," he began, "as to how you escaped our sight. Our 'friend' here has already informed us that only one of you is elvish."  
  
"We have passed through Lothlórien," said Aragorn, "and the gifts and favour of the Lady go with us." Éomer looked at them with renewed wonder but his eyes hardened.  
  
"Then there is a Lady in the Golden Wood as the old tales tell!" he said. "Few escape her nets, they say. These are strange days! But if you have her favour then you also are net-weavers and sorcerers, maybe." He turned a cold glance upon Legolas and Gimli. "Why do you not speak, silent ones?" he demanded. Gimli rose and planted his feet firmly apart, his hand gripped the handle of his axe.  
  
"Give me your name, horse-master, and I will give you mine, and more besides," he said. Christina went to comment on the fact they all already knew each other as she'd made the introductions, but she decided it was a man thing and couldn't be bothered.  
  
"As for that," said Éomer, staring at Gimli, "the stranger should declare himself first. Yet, I am named Éomer son of Éomund and I am called Third Marshal of Riddermark."  
  
"He's very proud of that title," called Christina, still petting Piewacket.  
  
"Then Éomer son of Éomund, Third Marshal of Riddermark," said Gimli, ignoring Christina's comment, "let Gimli the Dwarf Glóin's son warn you against your foolish words. You speak evil of that which is fair beyond reach of your thought and only little wit can excuse you." Éomer's eyes blazed and the Men of Rohan murmured angrily and closed in, advancing with their spears.  
  
"I would cut off your head, beard and all if you stood but a little higher from the ground," said Éomer. Christina sighed impatiently and turned to watch what would happen. She knew nothing would happen in the violent sense, she wanted to see what excuse Éomer would use to not fight them. Some he'd used in the past were pretty hilarious.  
  
"He stands not alone," said Legolas, bending his bow and fitting an arrow with hands quicker than sight. "You would die before your stroke fell." Éomer raised his sword and things might have gone ill, but Christina marched in between them and glared at Legolas.  
  
"You! Stop threatening my second-cousin's nephew," she growled and then she turned to Éomer. "And you! Quit embarrassing me in front of my - well, I wouldn't say friends exactly, but you know what I mean. Quit embarrassing me!"  
  
"Yes, Christina," they said together. She giggled and walked back to her horse.  
  
"We intend no evil to Rohan," said Aragorn, "well, apart from the fact that we brought Christina back, but we intend no evil to Rohan. Nor to any of its folk, with the exception of Christina, neither to man nor horse."  
  
"I can here you, you know!" She said, but she was ignored.  
  
"Will you not hear our tale before you strike?" said Aragorn.  
  
"I will," said Éomer lowering his blade. "But wanderers in the Riddermark would be wise to be less haughty in these days of doubt. First tell me your right name."  
  
"First tell me whom you serve," said Aragorn. "Are you friend or foe of Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor?"  
  
"I serve only the Lord of the Mark, Théoden King son of Thengel," answered Éomer. "We do not serve the Power of the Black Land far away, but neither are we yet at open war with him. If you are fleeing from him, you had best leave this land. We welcomed guests kindly in the better days, but in these times the unbidden stranger finds us swift and hard.  
  
"I'm not a stranger!" Christina said, indignantly.  
  
"You're still unbidden though," said Éomer, but immediately wished he hadn't.  
  
"You'll regret saying that," she hissed. Thankful that he had no punishment there and then; he continued.  
  
"Come! Who are you? Whom do you serve? At whose command do you hunt orcs in our land?"  
  
"I serve no man," said Aragorn, "but the servants of Sauron I pursue in whatever land they may go. There are few among mortal Men who know more of orcs and I do not hunt them this way by choice. The orcs took captive two of my friends-"  
  
"Who you wanted to leave behind!" Christina said.  
  
"-In such need a man that has no horse will go on foot and he will not ask leave to follow the trail. Nor will he count the heads of the enemy, save with a sword. I am not weapon-less." Aragorn threw back his cloak. The elven-sheath glittered as he grasped it and the bright blade of Andúril shone like a sudden flame as he swept it out. "Elendil!" he cried. "I am Aragorn son of Arathorn and am called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dúnadan, the heir of Isildur, Elendil's son of Gondor. Here is the Sword that was Broken and it is forged again! Will you aid me or thwart me? Choose swiftly!" Éomer stepped back and a look of awe was in his face. He cast down his proud eyes.  
  
"These are indeed strange days," he muttered. "Dreams and legends spring to life out of the grass. Tell me, lord, what brings you here? And what was the meaning of the dark words? Long has Boromir son of Denethor been gone seeking an answer and the horse that we lent him came back rider-less. What doom do you bring out of the North?"  
  
And so, they spent about another half-hour with the éored, speaking of their journey from Rivendell and of the members of their company. And the end of their conversation was about horses.  
  
"But Gimli, you must ride now or you will hinder us," said Aragorn.  
  
"Come, you shall sit behind me, friend Gimli," said Legolas. "Then all will be well, and you need neither borrow a horse nor be troubled by one."  
  
"That also means none of my men must go horse-less," said Éomer.  
  
"Let Arod go to Legolas, Éomer," said Christina with a wicked smile. Éomer had sensed that she didn't like Legolas from the beginning but that was just plain evil. But, then again, he didn't want to argue with Christina either. Arod was restive and fiery. Only a handful of people could manage him and she doubted that Legolas was one of them. 'Oh, Arod, you serve my needs so well.' She thought. 'Let's see Legolas manage this feisty fella!' Éothain brought Arod to Legolas but Legolas asked him to take of the saddle and rein.  
  
"I need them not," he said. 'Even better!' she thought as he leaped lightly up and to their wonder Arod was tame and willing beneath him, moving here and there with but a spoken word. Christina stood there gaping.  
  
"But. but. but." she stuttered.  
  
"Didn't quite go how you wanted it to, did it?" whispered Éomer.  
  
"Damn!" She said, with a stamp of her foot. Gimli was lifted up behind his friend and clung to him, not much more at ease than Sam Gamgee in a boat. Aragorn mounted a horse named Hasufel and Christina mounted Piewacket.  
  
"Farewell and may you find what you seek!" cried Éomer. "Return with what speed you may and let our swords hereafter shine together!"  
  
"I will come," said Aragorn.  
  
"And I will come too," said Gimli. "The matter of the Lady Galadriel lies between us still. I have yet to teach you gentle speech."  
  
"We shall see," said Éomer. "So many strange things have chanced that to learn the praise of a fair lady under the loving strokes of a Dwarf's axe will seem no great wonder. Farewell!" And with that they parted. Once the company of Éomer was well out of sight and hearing, Aragorn turned to Christina.  
  
"So, you're related to that guy?" he said.  
  
"Loosely," she replied.  
  
"Jeez, what a leech!" 


	19. OME! Actual emotion!

Chapter 19  
  
By late afternoon, they had reached the eaves of the forest and searched much of the land. In an open glade among the first trees they found the place of great burning: the ashes were still hot and smoking. Beside it was a great pile of helms and mail, cloven shields, and broken swords, bows and darts and other gear of war. Upon a stake in the middle was set a great goblin head; upon its shattered helm the white badge could still be seen.  
  
"Eurgh," said Christina, when she saw the head. "I really wish they wouldn't do that."  
  
"Who do what?" said Gimli.  
  
"Éomer and all them. Every single time they win a battle, which isn't often I hasten to add, they put the leader's head on a spike and place it in the middle of all the goods. It's sickening."  
  
"Very supportive, aren't you?" said Legolas with a frown.  
  
"Yup," she replied, happily. The four companions searched far and wide about the field of battle, but the light faded and evening soon drew down, dim and misty. By nightfall they had discovered no trace of Merry and Pippin.  
  
"We can do no more," said Gimli sadly. "We have been set many riddles on this journey, but this is the hardest to unravel."  
  
"We're probably too late," said Christina. "I would guess that the burnt bones of those sweet little creatures are mingled with those of the disgusting orcs'." She tried to blink back a couple of tears but failed and they slowly ran down her face (to the amazement of the others because they al thought she was incapable of emotion).  
  
"It will be hard news for Frodo, if he lives to hear it; and hard too for the old hobbit who waits in Rivendell. And Elrond wasn't too happy about them 1) being at the council and 2) them coming with us. He didn't think too highly of the younger hobbits."  
  
"But Gandalf did," said Legolas.  
  
"Yeah, and look what happened to him," answered Gimli, harshly. "His foresight failed him," he added more gently.  
  
"The counsel of Gandalf was not founded on foreknowledge of safety, for himself or others," said Aragorn. "There are some things that is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark. But I shall not depart from this place yet. In any case we must await the morning light."  
  
They made their camp a little way beyond the battlefield, under a spreading tree: it looked like a chestnut and yet it still bore many broad brown leaves of a former year, like dry hands with long splayed fingers; they rattled mournfully in he night breeze. Gimli shivered. They had bought only one blanket apiece.  
  
"Let us light a fire," he said. "I care no longer for the danger. Let the orcs come thick as summer-moths to a candle!"  
  
"If those unhappy hobbits are astray in the woods, it might draw them hither," said Legolas.  
  
"Well, if they're both alive, they very likely not unhappy," said Christina. The others looked at her oddly. "Well, you remember I had those preconceptions when we first met?" They nodded their heads. "Do you remember what thought about all four hobbits?"  
  
"Gay," they said together.  
  
"Exactly," she said. "So, do you catch my drift?" They still both vague expressions. "Oh, for crying out loud! They are best friends and they're constantly with each other. They even got kidnapped together. And now, if they're alive, they are alone. Together. And I think they're gay. Do you get me?"  
  
"Oh, I get you," said Aragorn. "What? You mean, Merry and Pippin are.?"  
  
"Of course, they are!" said Christina. "They are both very in touch with their feminine sides."  
  
"I never really noticed," said Legolas.  
  
"Well, I have. And I'm very happy for them. And for myself," she said. Aragorn and Legolas looked stunned by that last comment but she didn't notice. "Gimli how long does it take to get a fire going?"  
  
"What do you mean exactly?" said Aragorn, slowly.  
  
"About what?" she asked.  
  
"You said 'And for myself', what did you mean?" said Legolas. She looked at them and then burst out laughing.  
  
"You thought I meant.? Ooh, that's too funny!"  
  
"So, what did you mean?" said Gimli. She finally calmed down.  
  
"Oh, sorry, right, yeah. No, I meant I'm happy that they're gay," she said, still giggling.  
  
"You are?" said Aragorn.  
  
"Sure, I am!" she said. "It's every girl's dream to have a gay best friend!"  
  
"It is?" said Legolas.  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"Why?" said Gimli.  
  
"Well, they're not as bitchy as girls and they're not as masculine as straight men. For a girl, they are the coolest people to be seen with." She decided that the conversation had now ended and sat close to the small bright blaze that Gimli had started.  
  
As the time wore on, they drew lots for the watches and the lot for the first watch fell to Gimli. Aragorn and Legolas lay down but Christina decided she would take the watch with Gimli, as she wasn't tired. Almost at once sleep laid hold of the Ranger and the Elf.  
  
"Gimli," said Aragorn, drowsily. "Remember, it is perilous to cut bough or twig from a living tree in Fangorn. But do not stray far in search of dead wood. Let the fire die rather! Call me at need!" With that, he fell asleep. Legolas already lay motionless, his fair hands folded upon his chest, his eyes unclosed, blending living night and deep dream, as is the way with Elves.  
  
"Hasn't anyone ever told him how creepy that is?" said Christina. "Why can't he shut his eyes? It's a lot more reassuring for us!" But Gimli sat silent, hunched by the fire, running his thumb thoughtfully along the edge of his axe. The tree rustled. There was no other sound.  
  
Christina was bored stiff. She hated taking watches, but she still couldn't sleep. She looked over at the horses; they were shifting uncomfortably. She went over to Piewacket to comfort her.  
  
"What's the matter, girl?" she whispered, soothingly. "Don't you like the forest? Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you whilst I'm here." She stroked the horse and went to sit back by the fire. Gimli had fallen asleep. "Typical," she muttered and hunched over the fire as Gimli had done. Suddenly she looked up and there, just on the edge of the firelight, stood an old, bent man, leaning on a staff, and wrapped in a great cloak; his wide-brimmed hat was pulled down over his eyes. Her eyes widened in fright and she slowly shifted backwards towards Legolas, who was the nearest person to her.  
  
"Legolas," she whispered. "Legolas, wake up!" She put a hand on his shoulder, still not tearing her eyes away from the man, and shook him. Legolas awoke with a start. Both Aragorn and Gimli were roused by his sudden movement, sat up and stared. The old man did not speak or make a sign.  
  
"Well, father, what can we do for you?" said Aragorn, leaping to his feet. "Come and be warm, if you are cold!" He strode forward but the old man was gone. There was no trace of him to be found near at hand, and they did not dare to wander far. The moon had set and the night was very dark. Suddenly, Legolas gave a cry:  
  
"The horses!" Christina looked over to where they had been.  
  
"Piewacket!" She cried. The horses were gone. They had dragged their pickets and disappeared. She no longer cared about hiding her emotions; she let the tears flow. The others looked at each other, not knowing what to do.  
  
"Um, er, what do we say?" Aragorn whispered.  
  
"I don't know, I've never had to comfort anyone before," said Legolas.  
  
"But you're nearly three thousand years old," said Gimli.  
  
"Elves are very private people," said Legolas.  
  
"Well, dwarves don't do emotion," said Gimli.  
  
"You were crying in Moria," said Aragorn.  
  
"No, I wasn't," said Gimli.  
  
"You were, I saw it with my own eyes," said Legolas.  
  
"Well, we don't emotion very often then," he said.  
  
"Christina's made you cry three times," said Aragorn.  
  
"Look, shouldn't we be comforting her?" said Gimli, irritably.  
  
"But, what do we say?" said Legolas.  
  
"I'm over it now, you know," Christina laughed, who'd heard all of the odd conversation but didn't say anything because she wanted to see where it ended up. And it had ended up making her laugh.  
  
"Oh, right," said Legolas.  
  
"Well, I think we handled that quite well," said Aragorn.  
  
"Very well, in fact," said Gimli.  
  
"I wouldn't go that far," said Christina.  
  
"Oh, OK," he said.  
  
"Well, the horses are gone," said Aragorn. "We cannot find them or catch them; s that means if they do not return of their own free will, we must do with out. We started on our feet and we still have those."  
  
"Feet!" said Gimli. "But we cannot eat them as well as walk on them."  
  
"We couldn't eat the horses!" Christina exclaimed. "That's sacrilege!"  
  
"He didn't mean it like that," said Aragorn. "Did you?"  
  
"What do you think?" he growled.  
  
"Well, only a few hours ago you were unwilling to sit on a horse of Rohan," laughed Legolas. "You will make a rider yet."  
  
"It's seems unlikely that I shall have the chance," said Gimli. "If you wish to know what I think-"  
  
"Not particularly!" snapped Christina. "Especially not if it has anything to do with horses."  
  
"Actually I was going to say I think the man was Saruman," he replied, icily. "Remember the words of Éomer: 'he walks about like an old man, hooded and cloaked'. Those were the words. He has gone off with our horses or scared them away and here we are. There is more trouble coming to us, mark my words!"  
  
"If he so much as lays a finger on my horse, he'll wish he'd never been born!" Christina hissed. "You all remember what I did to Legolas in Moria, and I don't mean when I wiped orc-blood on his back." Legolas span round to look at her.  
  
"You did what?!"  
  
"Oh, didn't I tell you? Oops." she said, innocently.  
  
"So, you mean to tell me there's a bloody great stain on the back of my tunic?" he cried.  
  
"Well, your cloak covers it. It's not like anyone can see it," she said.  
  
"Legolas, shut up. Christina, shut up. Gimli, I do mark you words, but I don't really care," said Aragorn. "The three of you just go to sleep and we'll worry about all this in the morning.  
  
"But." said Christina.  
  
"No buts, just sleep!" he snapped.  
  
"Yes, Aragorn," they said together. The night slowly passed. Legolas followed Aragorn, Gimli followed Legolas and Christina followed Gimli, and their watches wore away. But nothing happened. The old man did not appear again and the horses did not return. 


	20. Christina not getting her own way!

A/N: I'm back again and even more tanned than before so that makes me happy! Thank you for leaving me lots of lovely reviews! I've read them and now I shall have a little natter with the nice people:  
  
Wind-swept-seas: Glad you liked the Leggy/Chris thing! Luckily for me the stuff wore off quickly! (I say luckily 'coz if it had gone any further I think Tafi might've killed me!!!!) Hmmm, maybe she does, maybe she don't! You'll have to wait and see what happens!!! Of course I'm gonna update!!!! I'm doing so now!!! I would NEVER be so evil as to drop a story in the middle writing it if I knew people liked it!!!  
  
Twinkssparklygirl: Well, I type quite fast and I have a lot of ideas for the whole story so I sorta already know what I'm writing! I'm glad you appreciate my varied sources! I thought seeing as I used the film solely for the first bit of 'Boromir's Niece' I'd use the book as well in this!!!!  
  
Sanely Challenged: Glad you like!  
  
Chel aka Elf Goldfish Cracker: Firstly, cool name! Well, here you are, another chapter! I hope it's up to standard! And go you for the horse thing if it happens!!!  
  
Catreen Dragonsword: Well, you don't waste words, do you? But I like that! Straight to the point! Unlike myself, I can't explain or describe anything in a few words!!!  
  
Tafi: I've put your reply at the end because it's longer than my other readers' will find acceptable!  
  
And finally the person who never puts a name or email address when they review: I'm glad you like the story and that I make you laugh but could you please identify yourself?!?! If you fail to do so I'm going to be forced to call you (empty) when I reply to you!!! And I'm sure you don't want that!  
  
Well, I'm finally done so you can read on!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 20  
  
At dawn the companions had made such a breakfast as they could; now in the growing light they were getting ready to search the ground again for any signs of the hobbits. Well, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas were, at any rate.  
  
"And do not forget that old man!" said Gimli. "I should be happier if I could see the print of a boot."  
  
"Why would that make you happy?" said Legolas.  
  
"Because an old man with feet that leave marks might be no more than he seemed," answered the Dwarf.  
  
"Maybe," said the Elf (A/N: You know I really hate it when the book refers to them like that. Characters have feelings too you know!!! Um, yeah, moving on.), "but a heavy boot might leave no print here: the grass is deep and springy."  
  
"That would not baffle a Ranger," said Gimli. "A bent blade is enough for Aragorn to read."  
  
"You know, you're making him out to sound like Eru," said Christina. "That could be classed as blasphemy."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" said Aragorn. "He can make me sound like Eru if he wants!" Christina sighed and continued to pack away the bedrolls etc.  
  
"Yeah, anyway, what was I saying?" said Gimli. "Oh yeah, about prints. Well, I do not expect him to find any traces. It was an evil phantom of Saruman that we saw last night. I am sure of it."  
  
"And I thought he was the most sane of the four of us," muttered Christina to Legolas.  
  
"Even under the morning light," continued Gimli. "His eyes are looking out on us from Fangorn even now, maybe." Christina and Legolas glanced at each other and tried not to laugh.  
  
"It is likely enough," said Aragorn, who couldn't work whether he wanted to laugh at or insult people, "yet I am not sure. I am thinking of the horses. You said last night, Gimli, that they were scared away. But I did not think so. Did you hear them, Legolas? Did they sound to you like beasts in terror?"  
  
"No," said Legolas. "I heard them clearly. But for the darkness and our own fear I should have guessed that they were beasts wild with sudden gladness. They spoke as horses will when they meet a friend they have long missed."  
  
"Bollocks!" said Christina. "Hey, I swore, you know you three are having a bad effect on me. That's the first time I've sworn in about 1½ weeks! Anyway, what was I saying?"  
  
"I said the horses were glad," said Legolas.  
  
"Oh yeah, bollocks to that!" she said. "You saw how Piewacket reacted when she saw me. THAT'S how she reacts when she meets someone she's missed. She runs up to them. And she most certainly wouldn't miss HIM!!! And when she's frightened, she does NOT run away! Oh my poor baby is out there on her own. I hope she's alright."  
  
"Well, thanks for the contribution, but I still reckon they were happy," said Aragorn, he was in no mood for comforting her. He didn't appreciate being dissed.  
  
"You're really pushing your luck, Aragorn," she said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Am I?" he said carelessly. "What a shame."  
  
For some time, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas crawled and groped upon the ground (Christina refused because Aragorn asked her to). The tree stood mournfully above them, its dry leaves now hanging limp and rattling in the chill easterly wind. Aragorn moved slowly away. He came to the ashes of the watch fire near the riverbank and then began to retrace the ground back towards the knoll where the face almost in the grass (A/N: I imagine it would be quite funny to watch him doing all that! He'd look like a right psycho, wouldn't he?!). Then he called to the others. They came running up.  
  
"Here at last we find news!" said Aragorn. He lifted up a broken leaf for them to see, a large pale leaf of golden hue, now fading and turning brown.  
  
"A mallorn-leaf of Lórien!" cried Legolas, excitedly.  
  
"It's a leaf," said Christina.  
  
"And there are crumbs on it, and a few more crumbs in the grass. And see! There are some pieces of cut cord lying nearby!" said Aragorn, ignoring Christina.  
  
"And here is the knife that cut them!" said Gimli. He stooped and drew out of a tussock, into which some heavy boot had trampled it, a short jagged dagger.  
  
"Does anyone want to explain for me?" said Christina. "Because I haven't a clue what any of this means! Are you saying they're alive or what?"  
  
"One of them is," said Legolas. "Or was, and this is the strangest riddle that we have yet found. A bound prisoner escapes from both orcs and from the surrounding horsemen. He then stops, while still in the open, and cuts his bonds with an orc-knife. But how and why? For if his legs were tied, how did he walk? And if his arms were tied, how did he use the knife? And if neither were tied, why did he cut the cords at all? Being pleased with his skill, he then sat down and ate some waybread! That at least is enough to show that he was a hobbit, without the mallorn-leaf. After that, I suppose, he turned his arms into wings and flew away singing into the trees. It should be easy to find him: we only need wings ourselves!"  
  
"Er, yeah, Legolas, OK," she said, nervously. He'd gotten so frustrated with not understanding the riddle that he practically shouted the last part. "Well, that all sounds OK-ish except for the bit at the end, which was just weird!"  
  
"There was sorcery-" Gimli began.  
  
"Gimli, shut up!" said Christina. "You're mad! Barmy! Off your rocker! Doolalley! A fruitcake! (A/N: Thanks again, Tafi!) A nutcase! Psycho! Loony! Out of your tree!"  
  
"We get the picture, Christina," said Aragorn.  
  
"So will you shut the fuck up about bleeding wizards and sorcery!!!!!" she shouted. The other three stood staring at her. "OK, so maybe that was overreacting a little, but come on! I can't be the only one he's driving nuts!"  
  
"Whatever," said Aragorn. "Let's just go into the forest and find those stupid hobbits!"  
  
"They're not stupid!" Christina hissed.  
  
"Er. yeah, alright, whatever you say."  
  
*******************  
  
A/N: Just want to take a moment to beg you all to read Lafitafi's 'LOTR: FOTR: My way' and 'LOTR: TTT: My way' because they're bloody brilliant and I feel I have to plug her work as a feeble sort of thank you. Yeah, so read them if you want to have a good laugh (and if you've got about a day to spare! She does GR's and scenes like she does reviews! HUGE!)  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Just so you know, I'm not following Merry and Pippin or Frodo and Sam. Christina is my lead character so I am only following her.  
  
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE IS FOR TAFI. You can read it if you're not Tafi but there really isn't much point as it's to her not you!!!!!!!! Anywayz, here goes:  
  
So, where to begin? You write so much it's hard to reply to ALL your questions and comments! But I can try! (Sorry everyone else who has to put up with my constant babble!!!) 1) I'm gonna set the record straight before I go on! Tafi you are NOT, I repeat NOT!, turning into Chris! She is evil, manipulative, indecisive, lazy (need I go on?) and you are not!!! You're kind, decisive and most definitely not lazy! One look at your reviews, emails and GR's confirms that! I think you could be deranged though! 2) Yes, I own several Orli pics. 82 to be precise. 3) They care 'coz it's something they can use against her! Legolas can now keep an eye out for when she has 'golden' roots! He does deserve to mock her! Eru knows she's had her fair share! 4) Nope I'm not angry at you but I guess you worked that out! (To Lafi: Correction, I think you'll find I said 'like' a younger version, not 'are'! Well, I think I did..) 5) Piewacket is a cool name! I'm gonna get a cat when I leave home and call it Piewacket! I decided that ages ago and then M-J said (I think) for Chris to have a horse called it! 6) Let me explain: Chris's dad is Théoden's cousin so that makes him her 2nd cousin! Got it? I hope so! 7) Yes, I typed the whole speech and yes, I'm mad! 8) Well, you should know! I quite liked that ending too! 9) Aww, that's really sweet! Thank you! 10) I know she does show emotions like anger, and she has also felt sympathy and guilt! And she adores Pippin, which I think is an emotion somehow! But, well, w/e, you know what I mean! She's never cried in front of them 'coz she sees it as a weakness! Blah, blah, blah! 11) I think he should be punished! Private girl junk is exactly what it says! Private stuff for girls that bears no relevance to anything!!! And its cool you got a gay friend!!! 12) I apologise deeply for the plot hole!!! I have checked and you are right! As I never am! But it's not entirely my fault..... honest! M-J pointed out that she didn't think I'd mentioned it and I couldn't remember! So I put it in ch.19! I will change one of the chapters when I get the chance!!! 13) I will write the next chapter of ANE today or tomorrow so keep an eye out! 14) Awww, bless! You miss me? Awww! Or do you just miss my writing? Well, w/e you meant it was still sweet! Thanx! Speak to you soon!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXxXx PS. Sorry for making you think badly about axes!!! :P 


	21. Threats and mockeries

Chapter 21  
  
It was not long before Aragorn found fresh signs. At one point, near the bank of the Entwash, he came upon footprints: hobbit-prints, but too light for much to b made of them. Then again beneath the bole of a great tree on the very edge of the wood more prints were discovered. The earth was bare and dry, and did not reveal much.  
  
"One hobbit at least stood here for a while and looked back; and then he turned away into the forest," said Aragorn.  
  
"Then we must go in too," said Gimli. "But I do not like the look of this Fangorn; and we were warned against. I wish the chase had led anywhere else!"  
  
"I do not think the wood feels evil, whatever tales may say," said Legolas. He stood under the eaves of the forest, stooping forward, as if he were listening, and peering with wide eyes into the shadows. "No, it is not evil; or what evil is in it is far away. I catch only the faintest echoes of dark places where the hearts of trees are black. There is no malice near us; but there is watchfulness and anger."  
  
"Echoes? Hearts?" Christina scoffed. "Anyone would think you were talking about people. They're trees! They don't have feelings! They're here to provide us with oxygen and that's it!!!!!!"  
  
"You see, that's where you're wrong," said Legolas, matter-of-factly. "They DO have feelings. And at the moment they feel watchful and angry."  
  
"Well, they have no cause to be angry with me," said Gimli. "I have done it no harm."  
  
"That is just as well," said Legolas. "But nonetheless it has suffered harm. There is something happening inside, or going to happen. Do you not feel the tenseness? It takes my breath."  
  
"Then go die someplace and let get on with finding Pippin and Merry!" Christina snapped.  
  
"I can't, I'm an Elf," he replied. "Elves can only die of grief or by being slain."  
  
"Then hand me my sword and I'll gladly do the honours!"  
  
"Shut up, Christina," said Aragorn. "You're not going to kill anybody."  
  
"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try and stop me!" She stood glaring at Aragorn. "See, I said you couldn't do it!"  
  
"Well, I can't stop you if you don't do anything," he said.  
  
"Oh.. shut up! We're meant to be finding Pippin and Merry! This wood is horrid and stuffy! If that's what you meant by tenseness then yes, I feel it! Now can we please move on?!" she moaned.  
  
"I also feel the air is stuffy," said the Dwarf. "This wood is lighter than Mirkwood, but it is musty and shabby."  
  
"It is old, very old," said the Elf. "So old that almost I feel young again-" Christina choked back a laugh "-as I have not felt since I journeyed with you children."  
  
"Children?!" cried Christina, indignantly. "Children?! I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'M NOT A KID!!!!!! The only reason you feel old is because you ARE!!!!!!"  
  
"I'm really-" Legolas began but she turned her back and obviously wasn't listening. "You're being-" but she stuck her fingers in her ears. Legolas turned to Aragorn. "Could you kindly inform her 'highness' that I am really losing my patience?! It's only a matter of time before I-"  
  
"Before you what, Legolas?" she sniped. "You wouldn't hit a woman now, would you? What would that say to the rest of your loyal subjects? Their youngest Prince, heir to the throne of Mirkwood, hitting a woman-"  
  
"You're really grasping at straws, Christina!" he hissed.  
  
"Oh, get over yourself, Legolas! You wouldn't dare touch me, especially in my homeland. They may not particularly like me here, but they wouldn't accept harm to one of their citizens. I'd have you clapped in irons before you could say 'bow and arrow'!"  
  
"Both of you shut up!" said Gimli. "Let us go! But keep your bow ready to hand, Legolas, and I will keep my axe (A/N: Sorry Tafi!) loose in my belt for I do not wish to meet that old man again!" With that the four companions (if you could call them that at the moment) plunged into the forest of Fangorn. Christina, Gimli and Legolas left the tracking to Aragorn, though there was little for him to see. The floor was dry and covered with leaves but he guessed the fugitives would stay close to water and returned often to the banks if the stream. So it was that he came upon the place where Merry and Pippin had drunk and bathed their feet. There, plain for all to see, were the footprints of two hobbits, one somewhat smaller than the other.  
  
"Yes, good-tidings they are," said Gimli, "but they have evidently left the waterside from this point and we cannot pursue them through the whole fastness of Fangorn. We are ill supplied. If we do not find them soon, we shall be of no use to them, except to sit down beside them and show our friendship by starving together."  
  
"If that is indeed all we can do, then we must do that," said Christina, quietly.  
  
"Let us go on," said Aragorn. They came at length to the abrupt end of Treebeard's Hill and looked up at the rock wall with its rough steps leading to the high shelf. Gleams of sun were striking through the hurrying clouds and the forest now looked less grey and drear.  
  
"Let us go up and look about us," said Legolas. "I still feel my breath short. I should like to taste a freer air for a while." They reached the top and looked about, but they saw nothing of use. The shelf faced southward and eastward; but only on the east was the view open. There they could see the heads of the trees descending in ranks towards the plain from which they had come.  
  
"We have journeyed the long way round," said Legolas. "We could have come here safe together if we had left the Great River on the second or third day and struck west. Few can foresee whither their road will lead them, till they come to its end."  
  
"But we did not wish to come to Fangorn," said Christina.  
  
"Yet here we are - and nicely caught in a net," said Legolas. "Look!"  
  
"Look at what?" said Gimli.  
  
"There in the trees."  
  
"Where? I have not elf-eyes."  
  
"Hush! Speak more softly! Look!" said Legolas, pointing. "Down in the wood, back in the way we have just come. It is he. Cannot you see him, passing from tree to tree?"  
  
"I see! I see!" hissed Gimli. "Look, Aragorn! Did I not warn you? There is the old man. All in grey rags: that is why I could not see him at first." Aragorn looked and beheld a bent figure moving slowly. It was not far away. It looked like an old beggar man, walking wearily, leaning on a rough staff. Gimli gazed with wide eyes for a while, as step-by-step the figure drew nearer. The suddenly, unable to contain himself, he cried out:  
  
"Your bow, Legolas!"  
  
"What about it?" replied Legolas.  
  
"Bend it! Get ready! It is Saruman. Do not let him speak or put a spell on us! Shoot first!" Legolas took his bow and bent it, slowly and as if some other will resisted him. He held the other arrow loosely in his hand but did not fit it to the string. Aragorn stood still and silent, his face was watchful and intent. Christina sat down on a rock and started examining her nails. She really couldn't care less. If she was about to die, so be it, she couldn't be bothered with life anyway.  
  
"Why are you waiting?" said Gimli in a hissing whisper to Legolas. "What is the matter with you?"  
  
"Legolas is right," said Aragorn, quietly. Christina muttered something under her breath about that comment but it went unnoticed. "We may not shoot an old man so, at unawares and unchallenged, whatever fear or doubt be on us. Watch and wait!" At that moment the old man quickened his pace and came with surprising speed at the foot of the rock wall. Then suddenly he looked up, while the others looked down, standing motionless. There was no sound.  
  
**********  
  
A/N: Again, I know it's a crud place to leave it but its 10:25pm, I only had five hours sleep this morning and I'm knackered! I also think I've written enough for this chapter anyway! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	22. Return of the wizard?

A/N: This chapter isn't particularly funny, but I'm rather proud of myself. I have managed to condense 13 and a bit pgs from the book into 4¾ for this chapter. That is one major achievement for me. I normally take about 5 chapters to cover that much! But I have missed out stuff and the order is a bit mixed up. Well, I just thought I'd say.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 22  
  
At last the old man broke the silence.  
  
"Well met indeed, my friends," he said in a soft voice. "I wish to speak to you. Will you come down or shall I come up?" Without waiting for an answer he began to climb.  
  
"Now!" said Gimli. "Stop him, Legolas!"  
  
"Did I not say that I wished to speak to you?" said the old man. "Put away that bow, Master Elf!" The bow and arrow fell from Legolas' hands and his arms hung loose at his sides. Christina did a really goofy laugh.  
  
"Legolas has gone into a trance!!!" she said from her rock. "And he's taking orders from a beggar!"  
  
"Speak not of your companions that way, else they may not wish to help you in times of need," said the old man. She would have answered back but her mind had gone completely blank and she couldn't think of anything to say.  
  
"Ha, that silenced you!" said Aragorn.  
  
"And you, Master Dwarf, pray take your from your axe-haft, till I am up! You will not need such arguments." Gimli started then stood still as stone, staring, while the old man sprang up the rough steps as nimbly as a goat. (A/N: Hehehe! Gandalf's a goat!!!) All weariness seemed to have left him. As he stepped onto the shelf there was a gleam, too brief for certainty, a quick glint of white, as if some garment shrouded by the grey rags had been for an instant revealed. The intake of Gimli's breath could be heard as a hiss in the silence.  
  
"Well met, I say again!" said the old man, coming towards them. When a few feet away, he stood, stooping over his staff, with his head thrust forward, peering at them from under his hood. "And what may you be doing in these parts? An Elf, A Man, a Dwarf and a girl, all clad in - OW!" Christina slapped him and then sat back down.  
  
"I'm not a girl!" She hissed.  
  
"Fine then, a woman. Sorry, I made a mistake. Not that it matters. Anyway, you're all clad in elvish fashion. No doubt there is a tale worth hearing behind it all. Such things are not often seen here."  
  
"You speak as one that knows Fangorn well," said Aragorn. "Is that so?"  
  
"Not well," said the old man: "that would be a study of many lives. But I come here now and again."  
  
"You want to take some lessons out of his book, Legolas," said Christina. "He can actually admit it when he doesn't know something!"  
  
"Shut up, Christina," said Aragorn. "Might we know your name and then hear what it is you have to say to us? The morning passes and we have an errand that will not wait."  
  
"An errand you didn't want to go on," said Christina.  
  
"As for what I wished to say, I have said it: What may you be doing and what tale can you tell of yourselves? As for my name!" He broke off, laughing long and softly. "My name! Have you not guessed it already? You have heard it before, I think. Yes, you have heard it before. But, come now, what of your tale?" The three males stood silent and made no answer. Christina remained sitting although she was bored, so she starting humming 'The road goes ever on'. The old man frowned at her, though she thought nothing of it. It was a natural occurrence for people to frown at her.  
  
"There are some who would begin to doubt whether your errand is fit to tell," said the old man. "Happily I know something of it. You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits, I believe." Christina snapped her head in the old man's direction "Yes, hobbits. Don't stare as if you've never heard the strange name before. You have and so have I."  
  
"What do you know about Pippin and Merry?!" said Christina, suddenly.  
  
"Well," he replied, "they climbed up here the day before yesterday; and they met somebody they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"  
  
"Not in the slightest," she said. "I'm now thinking they're dead!"  
  
"Well, you'd be wrong and maybe I can give you some news on that. But, why are we standing?" he said.  
  
"I'm not," said Christina, but she was ignored.  
  
"Your errand, you see, is no longer as urgent as you thought. Let us sit down and be at ease." The old man turned and went towards a heap of fallen stones and rock at the foot of the cliff behind. Immediately, as if a spell had been removed, the others relaxed and stirred. Gimli's hand went at once to his axe-haft. Aragorn and Christina drew their swords. Legolas picked up his bow. The old man took no notice, but stooped and sat himself on a low flat stone. Then his grey cloak drew apart and they saw, beyond doubt, that he was clothed beneath all in white.  
  
"Saruman!" cried Gimli, springing towards him with axe in hand. "Speak! Tell us where you have hidden our friends! What have you done with them? Speak or I will make a dint in your hat that even a wizard will find hard to deal with!" The old man was too quick for him. He sprang to his feet and leaped to the top of a large rock. There he stood, grown suddenly tall, towering above them. His hood and rags were flung away. His white garments shone. He lifted up his staff and Gimli's axe leaped from his grasp and fell ringing on the ground. The sword of Aragorn, stiff in his motionless hand, blazed with a sudden fire. Legolas gave a great shout and shot an arrow high into the air: it vanished in a flash of flame.  
  
"Mithrandir!" he cried. "Mithrandir!"  
  
"Well met I say to you again, Legolas," said the old man.  
  
"It was an arrow," said Christina, mistaking his cries of joy for those of sorrow.  
  
"No, Mithrandir!" he said, pointing to Gandalf. A blank look occupied her face. "Gandalf?"  
  
"Oh," she said.  
  
"Gandalf," said the old repeated, as if recalling from old memory a long disused word. "Yes, that was the name. I was Gandalf." He stepped down from the rock and picking up his grey cloak, wrapped it about him: it seemed as if the sun had been shining but now was hid in cloud again. "Yes, you may still call me Gand- OW!" Christina hit him twice, again. "What was that for?!"  
  
"That was for calling us fools before you fell down the hole and scaring my horse away!" she said.  
  
"When did I scare your horse away?" he said.  
  
"Last night, we saw you when we made camp. Gimli and I were on watch and you showed up and you scared the horses away. It was you, and not Saruman, wasn't it?"  
  
"You certainly did not see me," answered Gandalf, "therefore I must guess that you saw Saruman. Evidently we look so much alike that Gimli's desire to make an incurable dent in my hat must be excused." Gimli looked at Legolas and Christina.  
  
"HA!" he cried. "Told you so!"  
  
"Never mind all that, what about the hobbits?!" said Christina. "We have come so far to seek them and you seem to know where they are, Where are they?"  
  
"With Treebeard and the Ents," said Gandalf.  
  
"The Ents!" exclaimed Aragorn.  
  
"There's no such thing," said Christina. "They are no more than a legend of Rohan."  
  
"A legend of Rohan!" cried Legolas. "Nay, every Elf in Wilderland has sung songs of old Onodrim and their long sorrow. Yet even among us they are only a memory. If I were to meet one still walking then indeed I should feel young again!" Again, Christina choked back a laugh.  
  
"Well, we now know our young friends are safe, but what are we to do?" said Aragorn. "Do we go to find them and to see Treebeard?"  
  
"No," said Gandalf. "That is not the road that you must tak-"  
  
"What?" said Christina. "And why not?"  
  
"I have spoken words of hope," said Gandalf. "But only of hope. Hope is not victory. War is upon us and all our friends, a war in which only-"  
  
"I don't care," said Christina. "We're here to find Pippin and Merry! And that's what we're going to do!"  
  
"As I have already said," said Gandalf, "they have already been found and I can assure they are quite safe in Treebeard's keeping."  
  
"I don't care!" she said.  
  
"Well, at least follow me for now and I shall explain when we halt," said Gandalf.  
  
"No!" she cried. "Because once we get to were you want to lead us to it'll be to late to head back!"  
  
"I only wish to go to the eaves of the forest, then we shall halt and pursue the matter further," said Gandalf. She gave him a shifty look but agreed and they set of towards the eaves of Fangorn. When they reached they border, there was no sign of their horses to be seen.  
  
"I'm not giving up after coming all this way," she said. They were the first words to be spoken since they left Treebeard's Hill. "Even if it means going on alone!"  
  
"Perhaps I can persuade you otherwise," said Gandalf.  
  
"I doubt it," she replied. Gandalf lifted up his head and whistled three times, long and loud; and then faint and far off it seemed to them that they heard the whinny of a horse borne up from the plains upon the eastern wind. They waited wondering. Before long they came the sound of hoofs, at first hardly more than a tremor of the ground, perceptible only to Aragorn as he lay upon the grass, then growing steadily louder and clearer to quick beat.  
  
"There is more than one horse coming," said Aragorn.  
  
"Certainly," said Gandalf. "We are too great a burden for one."  
  
"There are four," said Legolas, gazing out over the plain. "See how they run! There is Hasufel, and there is my friend Arod beside! And I do believe Piewacket is there too! But there is another that strides ahead: a very great horse. I have not seen his like before."  
  
"Nor will you again," said Gandalf. "That is Shadowfax."  
  
"Shadowfax!" cried Christina. "How in Eru's name did wangle that one? Not even Théoden has never ridden Shadowfax!"  
  
"That is a tale for another time," said Gandalf. Even as the old wizard spoke, the great horse came striding up the slope towards them; his coat was glistening and his mane was flowing in the wind of his speed. The three others followed, now far behind. When they arrived, Piewacket trotted immediately over to Christina.  
  
"Piewacket!" she cried, in exactly the same way as last time. "Oh, my baby! I was so worried about you!" She stroked Piewacket as the horse nuzzled her neck. She turned to Gandalf. "Wherever you want to go, you can count me in!"  
  
"I thought you might say that," he chuckled. "But, before we head off, I bring some of you messages from the Lady Galadriel. To Aragorn I was bidden to say this:  
  
Where now are the Dúnedain, Elessar, Elessar? Why do thy kinsfolk wander afar? Near is the hour when the Lost should come forth, And the Grey Company ride from the North. But dark is the path appointed for thee: The Dead watch the road that leads to the Sea.  
  
To Legolas she sent this word:  
  
Legolas Greenleaf long under tree  
  
In joy thou hast lived. Beware of the Sea! If thou hearest the cry of the gull on the shore, Thy heart shall rest in the forest no more." Gandalf fell silent and shut his eyes.  
  
"Then she sent me no message?" said Gimli and bent his head.  
  
"Dark are her words," said Legolas, "and little do they mean to those that receive them."  
  
"That is no comfort," said Gimli.  
  
"You forget, Legolas," said Christina, "that he fancies her, something rotten, and its depressing for him to think that she isn't thinking of him."  
  
"What is that?" said Gandalf, opening his eyes. "Yes, I think I can guess what her words may mean. Your pardon, Gimli! I was pondering the messages once again. But indeed she sent words to you and neither dark nor sad:  
  
To Gimli son of Glóin give his Lady's greetings.  
  
Lock-bearer, wherever thou goest my thought goes with thee.  
  
But have a care to lay thine axe to the right tree!" Gimli was beaming when he heard this.  
  
"What about me?" said Christina. "Isn't there one for me?" Gandalf looked thoughtful for a moment then looked at Christina.  
  
"Oh yes, I remember now. She said: 'Tell the bitch to give me back my lipstick!'"  
  
"Fair enough," she said.  
  
"But, now we must go at once to Meduseld, the hall of your king, Théoden," said Gandalf. Christina's face dropped.  
  
"Do we have to?" she moaned.  
  
"Yes, we do," he said. "We are riding to battle and war! Ride on!" 


	23. Home again

Disclaimer: Don't own LotR, you know that!  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 23  
  
At last they came to the wide wind-swept walls and the gates of Edoras. There sat many men in bright mail, who sprang at once to their feet and barred the way with spears.  
  
"Stay, strangers here unknown!" they cried in the tongue of the Riddermark, demanding the names and errand of the strangers. Wonder in their eyes but little friendliness and they looked darkly upon Gandalf.  
  
"Well, do I understand your speech," he answered in the same language; "yet few strangers-"  
  
"Don't bother, Gandalf!" The guards heard the voice cry from the back. They could not put a face to the voice, but they knew immediately who it was. They looked at each other and bolted through the entrance of the Edoras. Aragorn looked at her with disbelief.  
  
"How do you do that?" he said, but she merely grinned.  
  
"What are we to do now?" said Legolas. "The king will not know of our arrival."  
  
"Oh, he will," said Christina. "They ran away for two reasons. 1) They're scared of me. And 2) to warn everyone that I'm back. Follow me, I know the way." She led them through the dark gates, in single file. They found a broad path, paved with hewn stones, now climbing up, now climbing in short flights of well-laid stairs. Soon they found one of the guards that was originally at the gate.  
  
"OI!" she shouted over to him. "I shouldn't have to lead these three to the king. That's your job, so get to it!" The guard feebly nodded his head and took lead of the travellers. Christina dropped to the back of the line and laughed herself as she noticed all doors and windows were shut, but many people stared out of them, watching her pass. Eventually, Meduseld came in sight.  
  
"There are the doors before you," said the guard, nervously. "I've, er, got to go back to my duties. Um, bye!" And he ran at top speed back to the gate. The travellers climbed the long stair under the eyes of tall watchmen. Silent they stood now above and spoke no word, until Gandalf stepped out upon the paved terrace at the stair's head. Then suddenly with clear voices they spoke a courteous greeting in their own tongue. They hadn't spotted Christina.  
  
"Hail, comers from afar!" they said and turned the hilts of their swords towards the travellers in a token of peace. Then one of the guards stepped forward and spoke in Common Speech.  
  
"I am the Doorward of Théoden," he said. "Háma is my name. Here I must bid you lay aside all dangerous weapons aside."  
  
"Does that include her?" said Legolas, pointing to Christina. She hit his hand away and blushed.  
  
"Shut up, Legolas," she hissed. She looked at the guard. "Hi, Háma," she siad quietly.  
  
"Christina," he replied with a nod of his head and a slight edge to his voice. She quickly unbuckled the belt from which her sword hung and placed it on the floor next to Háma. Then Legolas gave into his hand his silver- hafted knife, his quiver and his bow.  
  
"Keep these well," he said, "for they come from the Golden Wood and the Lady of Lothlórien gave them to me." Wonder came into the man's eyes and he laid the weapons hastily by the wall, as if he feared to handle them.  
  
"No man will touch them, I promise you," he said. Aragorn stood a while hesitating.  
  
"It is not my will," he said, "to put aside my sword or to deliver Andúril to the hand of any other man."  
  
"It is the will of Théoden," said Háma.  
  
"It is not clear to me that the will of Théoden son of Thengel, even though he be lord of the Mark, should prevail over the will of Aragorn son of Arathorn, Elendil's heir of Gondor."  
  
"This is the house of Théoden, not of Aragorn, even were he the King of Gondor in the seat of Denethor," said Háma, stepping swiftly before the doors and barring the way. His sword was now in his hand and the point towards the visitors.  
  
"Aragorn, just give him your sword," pleaded Christina. "Nothing will happen to it whilst Háma is here." He looked at Christina and started to laugh.  
  
"I understand now," he said, whilst unbuckling his belt and setting upright against the wall. Christina blushed even more.  
  
"You do?" she said, nervously. She shook her head at him in way that told him: 'Say a word and die the most painful death imaginable!' and he unstood that too.  
  
"I won't," he said. He turned to Háma. "Here I set it, but I command you not to touch it, nor to permit any other to lay hand on it. In this elvish sheath dwells the Blade that was Broken and has been made again. Telchar first wrought it in the deeps of time. Death shall come to any man that draws Elendil's sword save heir." Háma didn't look impressed.  
  
"That's great," he said unenthusiastically. He turned to Gandalf. "Forgive me, but your staff too must be left at the doors."  
  
"Foolishness!" said Gandalf. "Prudence is onw thing, but discourtesy is another. I am old. If I may not lean on my stick as I go, then I will sit out here until it pleases Théoden to hobble out himself to speak with me."  
  
"The staff in the hand of a wizard may be more than just a prop for age," said Háma. He looked at the hard ash-staff on which Gandalf leaned. "Yet in doubt a man of worth will trust to his own wisdom. I believe you are friends-" he cast a questioning look in Christina's direction "-and folk worthy of honour, who have no evil purpose. You may go in."  
  
The guards now lifted the heavy bars of the door and swung them slowly inwards, grumbling on their great hinges. The travellers entered and went forward, past a clear wood-fire burning upon a long hearth in the midst of the hall. At the far end of the house, beyond the hearth, and facing north towards the doors, was a dais with three steps; and in the middle of the dais was a great gilded chair. Upon sat a man so bent with age that he seemed almost a dwarf; but his white hair was long and thick and fell in great braids from beneath a thin gold circlet set upon his brow. Behind his chair stood a woman clad in white. At his feet upon the steps sat a wizened figure of a man, with a pale wise face and heavy-lidded eyes. Théoden looked up on hearing their arrival and his eyes widened in horror when he saw Christina. He clutched his chest and started breathing very deeply.  
  
"I knew this was a bad idea," she said. The woman in white ran round to the front of the great chair.  
  
"My lord, are you alright?!" she cried. She looked over her shoulder and cast a dark look at Christina. She then turned to Legolas and Aragorn when she saw Christina wasn't listening. "You didn't kill her?" she hissed. "I thought that's what was agreed. Throw her into a nice pit of orcs or something!"  
  
"No, she just shouts at the orcs and makes them cry and, well, cry," said Legolas. "She's good at that. She even makes Gimli cry. But that's not very hard."  
  
"Hey!" he said.  
  
"Well, it's not!" sad Legolas.  
  
For a while there was silence, but at length Gandalf spoke.  
  
"Hail, Théoden son of Thengel! I have returned. For behold! the storm comes and now all friends should gather together, lest each singly be destroyed."  
  
"I greet you," he said, "and maybe you look for welcome. But truth to tell your welcome is doubtful here, Mast Gandalf. You have ever been a herald of woe. I will not deceive you: when I heard that Shadowfax had come back rider-less, I rejoiced at the return of the horse, but still more at the lack of the rider. And when Éomer brought the tidings that you had gone to your long home, I did not mourn. Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow? Tell me that."  
  
"You speak justly, lord," said the pale man upon the steps. "It is not yet five days since the bitter tidings came that Théodred your son was slain upon the West Marches: your right hand, Second Marshal of the Riddermark. In Éomer there is little trust. Few men would be left to guard your walls, were he to rule. And even now we learn from Gondor that the Dark Lord is stirring in the East. Such is the hour this wanderer chooses to return. Why, indeed, should we welcome you, Master Stormcrow?" He laughed, grimly.  
  
"You are held wise, my friend Wormtongue, and are doubtless a great support to your master," answered Gandalf, softly. "Yet in two ways may a man come with evil tidings. He may be a worker of evil; or he may be such as leaves well alone and comes only to bring aid in times of need."  
  
"That is so," said Wormtongue; "but there is a third kind: pickers of bones, meddlers in other men's sorrows, carrion-fowl that grow fat on war. What aid have you ever brought, Stormcrow? And what do you bring now? It is aid you sought last time you were here. I guess that it is likely to turn out the same once more: you will seek aid rather than render it. Do you bring men? Do you bring horses, swords, spears? That I would call aid; that is our present need. But who are these that follow at your tail? Four ragged wanderers in grey, and you yourself the most beggar-like of all!" Christina could feel the fury bubbling away inside with each word that Wormtongue spoke, but it was the last straw when he called her and her companions beggar-like. She was about as likely to let that go as she was to let Legolas call her simple.  
  
"Beggar-like?!?!?!" she cried. "I'll show you beggar-like, you mangy, piece of-"  
  
"Christina! Not in the presence of the king!" said Éowyn. Legolas and Aragorn were struggling to hold Christina back.  
  
"How dare you insult my friends?!?!" she continued. That stunned them, but she didn't notice. "These four alone are of more worth than our entire army and you have the nerve to call them beggar-like?"  
  
"Actually he only called-" Legolas began.  
  
"I'm on a roll here, don't stop me," she said. "It's a good job these two are holding me back because if they let go for just a second I'd-"  
  
"I think we've heard enough now," said Gandalf and he raised his staff. There was a roll of thunder. The sunlight was blotted out from the eastern windows; the whole hall became suddenly dark as night. The fire was faded to sullen embers. Only Gandalf could be seen, standing white and tall before the blackened hearth. In the gloom they heard the hiss of Wormtongue's voice:  
  
"Did I not counsel you, lord, to forbid his staff? That fool, Háma, has betrayed us!"  
  
"Háma is NOT a fool, you stupid pile of crap!" Christina's voice rang out. "If only there was a little light, I'd-" but before she could finish the sentence, there was a flash as if lightning had cloven the roof. Then al was silent. Wormtongue sprawled on his face. 


	24. Christina, you dark horse!

A/N: I've skipped bits again in this chapter, but I don't suppose you really care do you?  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Reviewer notes are at the end this time!  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 24  
  
Slowly, Théoden left his chair. A faint light grew in the hall again. Éowyn hastened to the king's side, taking his arm, and with faltering steps the old man came down the dais and paced softly through the hall. Wormtongue remained lying on the floor. They came to the doors and Gandalf knocked.  
  
"Open!" he cried. "The Lord of the Mark comes forth!" The doors rolled back and a keen air came whistling in. A wind was blowing on the hill. "Send your guards down to the stairs' foot. And you, lady-"  
  
"Huh, lady," Christina scoffed, causing Éowyn to shoot her a dark look, but she didn't care.  
  
"-leave him a while with me," continued Gandalf. "I will take care of him."  
  
"Go, Éowyn sister-daughter!" said the old king. "The time for fear is past." Éowyn turned and went slowly back into the house.  
  
"Now, lord, look out upon your land! Breathe the free air again!"  
  
"It is not so dark here," said Théoden.  
  
"That's probably because it's daytime," said Christina, but her comment went unnoticed.  
  
"No," said Gandalf. "Nor does age lie so heavily on your shoulders as some would have you think. Cast aside your prop!" From the king's hand the black staff fell clattering to the ground. He drew himself up, slowly, as a man that is stiff from long bending over some dull toil. Now tall and straight he stood and his eyes were blue as they looked into the sky.  
  
"Dark have been my dreams of late," he said, "but now I feel as one new- awakened. I would that you had come before, Gandalf. For I fear that you have already come too late, only to see the last days of my house. What is to be done?"  
  
"Much," said Gandalf. "But first send for Éomer. Do I not guess rightly that you hold him prisoner, by the counsel of Gríma, of him that all save you name Wormtongue?"  
  
"It is true," said Théoden. "I will do as you ask. Call Háma to me. Since he proved untrustworthy as a doorward-"  
  
"He didn't do any harm!" said Christina, before she could stop herself. Théoden looked at her.  
  
"Be that as it may, Christina," he said, "he could have caused great harm. And since he proved untrustworthy, let him become an errand-runner."  
  
"WHAT?!?!" cried Christina. "You can't do that! They're even less respected than I am!!!"  
  
"Maybe you're in for a chance then," said Aragorn, loudly and with a smile. Christina blushed furiously.  
  
"Aragorn," she hissed. "You promised!!!"  
  
"No, I didn't," he replied. "I only said I wouldn't, but I changed my mind."  
  
"Let the guilty bring the guilty to judgement," said Théoden. Legolas clamped his hand over Christina's mouth before she could say anything. She gave him a look that said: 'WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!?!'  
  
"It's in your best interests," he replied.  
  
"Mmph mmph mmph-mmph mmph mmph!" she cried, whilst struggling to get loose.  
  
"What?" he said.  
  
"Mmph-mmph mmph mmph mmph MMPH!!!" she cried again.  
  
""I don't know what you're saying," he said.  
  
"MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH MMPH!!!!!" By this point everyone had turned to stare at them.  
  
"Christina, you are dark horse," said Aragorn. "You never let on that you felt that way!"  
  
"Mmph?"  
  
"Legolas," said Gimli, slowly. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm stopping her from speaking," he said.  
  
"Why?" said Aragorn.  
  
"To stop her from embarrassing herself," he said.  
  
"Well, you're not doing a very good job, Legolas," said Gandalf, "because with you standing behind her and her struggling like that, well, it looks REALLY dodgy from where we're all standing." Legolas and Christina looked at each other. Legolas immediately let go and Christina screamed.  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!! OH MY ERU!!! You thought. NO! No, no, no, no, no!!!" She glared at Legolas. "You sick and twisted-"  
  
"You looked like you were enjoying it, Christina," said Háma. Her eyes widened in horror.  
  
"You saw that?" she said, her voice no more than high-pitched squeak.  
  
"Yes," he replied.  
  
"ARGH!" And with that she ran into the hall.  
  
"Well," said Théoden. "That was an interesting way to start the day."  
  
"I can assure you it's not like that out here everyday, lord," said Háma, nervously.  
  
"I should hope not," said Théoden. "What would the world be coming to if we had women and Elves romping on the steps, everyday?"  
  
"WE WEREN'TDOING ANYTHING!!!" came Christina's voice from inside the hall.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," came Éowyn's voice.  
  
"Well, you'd know, wouldn't you?!"  
  
"What exactly are you implying?!"  
  
"I'm implying, my dear Éowyn, that you're a SLUT!!!"  
  
"YOU BITCH!!!" The sounds of a fight floated through the open doors of the hall.  
  
"Well, that's something you don't hear everyday," said Théoden.  
  
"It is if you travel around with Christina," said Gandalf. Théoden shrugged and turned around to find Éomer kneeling at his feet, offering the hilt of his sword to his master.  
  
"What the...?" he said. "Where did you come from?"  
  
"Háma got me," replied Éomer. "Like you asked him to."  
  
"Oh yes," said the old king. "Sorry, I got a little distracted. Why have you got a sword?"  
  
"It was my doing, lord," said Háma, trembling. "I understood that Éomer was to be set free. Such joy was in my heart that maybe I have erred."  
  
"Again," said Théoden.  
  
"Er, yes, erred again, lord," he said, trembling even more. "Yet, since he was free again and he a Marshal of the Mark, I brought him his sword as he bade me."  
  
"To lay at your feet, my lord," said Éomer. For a moment of silence (well, almost silence because Éowyn and Christina were still fighting) Théoden stood looking down at Éomer as he knelt still before him. Neither moved.  
  
"Will you not take the sword?" said Gandalf. Slowly, Théoden stretched forth his hand. As his fingers took the hilt, it seemed to the watchers that a firmness and strength returned to his thin arm. Suddenly he lifted the blade and swung it shimmering and whistling in the air. Then he gave a great cry:  
  
Arise now, arise, Riders of Théoden! Dire deeds awake, dark is it eastward. Let horse be bridled, horn be sounded! Forth Eorlingas!  
  
The guards, thing they were summoned, sprang up the stair. They looked at their lord in amazement, and then as one drew their swords and laid them at his feet, saying: "Command us!"  
  
"Westu Théoden hál!" cried Éomer. At that, Christina and Éowyn ran out of the hall. Their clothes were tattered, their hair a mess and their faces and arms were covered in scratch marks.  
  
"It is a joy to us to see you return into your own. Never again shall it be said, Gandalf, that you come only with grief!" exclaimed Éomer.  
  
"Take back your sword, Éomer sister-son!" said the king. "Go, Háma and seek my own sword! Gríma has it in his keeping. Now my guests," he said, turning to the four travellers. "Come and take such refreshment as haste allows."  
  
************  
  
A/N: Reviewer notes, here we go:  
  
(empty): I warned you! You're official name is now (empty)! Anyway, I have now been told by many peeps that she isn't going out with him, so I apologise! But it was in a paper, so I you know, whatever! Mojo 7007: I will gladly give you ideas but I need to know about our fic first! Send me an email or something and I'll get back to you! Sanely Challenged: Hope you feel better! Lafi: Hehehe! You're Lafo!!!! Lolz! I like your 'Laf on, laf off' song!!! It made me giggle!!! Tafi: You're last again 'coz it takes so long to reply to you! ~ Yup, it's a swear word for Brits, and no probs with you calling us weird 'coz we are!!! ~ Apparently yes there are as many rats as people, unfortunately! Also apparently wherever you go in Britain you're always 30 yards away from a rat, but I've only ever seen one rat, so I'm not sure if that's true. And doesn't apply to pet rats, if you were wondering, which you probably weren't but I thought I'd say anyway! ~ The fruitcake recipe you sent me? It was hilarious! So I thought I'd thank you again for sending it! ~ How many Orli pics do you own? ~ I love the way you portray me in ROTK ~ As if I could hurt myself! Unless I did it physically and purposely. Then I suppose it would hurt. Oki doki, shutting up now! ~ Yup, she's very friendly! I think we can probably presume that it's the time of the month for her, due to the multiple mood swings! ~Leggers? I really worry about you sometimes! ~ Grasping at straws is the same as pushing your luck ~ Don't cry! You'll make me cry!!! ~ She better not have said 'Elfie never was' because I can, as the author, do anything to her! I can be really evil, as I proved in this chapter! ~ There we go! All questions answered I hope! Please leave me lots of lovely reviews!!!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	25. and for 10 points: Éowyn's greatest fear...

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to upload these! Ff.net wouldn't let me log in!!! Reviewer notes are at the end!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Chapter 25  
  
At the king's board sat Éomer and the five guests and there also, waiting upon the king, was the lady Éowyn. They ate and drank as Gandalf explained Saruman's treachery to Théoden. When this had finished, men came bearing raiment of war from the king's hoard and arrayed Aragorn and Legolas in shining mail. (A/N: I wouldn't mind being arrayed in male, er, I mean, mail!) Helms too they chose and round shields. Gandalf took no armour, Gimli needed no coat of mail, as he already had one of mithril, though he did take a small shield. And Christina was already arrayed in her own armour.  
  
The king now rose and at once Éowyn came forward bearing wine. She muttered to Christina as she passed.  
  
"Harlot!"  
  
"Slut!" Éowyn immediately turned her attention to Théoden.  
  
"Ferthu Théoden hál!" she said. "Receive this cup and drink in happy hour. Health be with thee at thy going and coming!" Théoden drank from the cup and then she proffered it to the guests, excluding Christina.  
  
"Excuse me," said Christina, as Éowyn went miss out Christina and go straight from Legolas to Aragorn. "I think you've forgotten someone."  
  
"And who might that be?" replied Éowyn.  
  
"Er, me perchance," said Christina, coldly.  
  
"You're not a guest," said Éowyn. "You live here."  
  
"I'm a guest tonight," said Christina. "I am with Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas tonight, and they are guests. So that, my dear Éowyn, makes me a guest." She snatched the cup from Éowyn's hands and drank from it. She smiled falsely when she handed back the cup. Éowyn shot her a look of pure filth then moved on the Aragorn. As she stood before him she paused suddenly and looked upon him, and her eyes were shining. And he looked down upon her fair face and smiled; but as he took the cup, his hand met hers, and he knew that she trembled at the touch.  
  
"Hail Aragorn son of Arathorn!" she said.  
  
"Hail Lady of Rohan!" he answered, but his face was now troubled and he did not smile. Christina, who watched intently as all this happened, cracked up.  
  
"HA! That was a knock-back if ever I saw one!!!" she laughed. "He didn't even say your name!!!" She looked around her and saw that no one was laughing but everyone was staring. "What? It was funny."  
  
The king went down the hall to the doors. There the guards awaited him and heralds stood and all lords and chiefs were gathered together that remained in Edoras or dwelt nearby. As soon as Éowyn exited the hall, all the men started to shuffle in her direction.  
  
"Like flies around shit," muttered Christina.  
  
"Behold! I go forth and it seems like to be my last riding," said Théoden. "I have no child. Théodred my son is slain. I name Éomer my sister-son to be my heir. If neither of us return, then choose a new lord, as you will. But to someone I must now entrust my people that I leave behind, to rule them in my place. Which of you will stay?" No man spoke. "Is there none whom you would name? In whom do my people trust?"  
  
"In the House of Eorl," answered Háma.  
  
"But Éomer I cannot spare, nor would he stay," said the king; "and he is the last of the House." Christina burst out laughing again.  
  
"Rejected again, Éowyn!" she said. "Do you think they're trying to tell you something?"  
  
"She is fearless and high-hearted," said Háma. "All love her-"  
  
"Sorry," interrupted Christina. "Correction: MOST love her. And she's not completely fearless. For one thing she's scared of-"  
  
"SHUT UP, CHRISTINA!" shouted Éowyn.  
  
"What?" she replied innocently. "Don't you want them to know your little secret?"  
  
"Don't you dare!" Éowyn hissed.  
  
"I think they should know," said Christina. "Éowyn is scared of..."  
  
"CHRISTINA!!!"  
  
"...PONIES!!!" Christina cackled evilly.  
  
"Ponies?" said Théoden, thinking she was making it up. "But that would make her scared of horses in general, and I've seen her ride."  
  
"Nope, just ponies," said Christina. "Isn't it true, Éowyn?" Everyone looked at her, wonderingly.  
  
"Yes!" she cried. "Yes, it's true! I hate them! They're horrible! I hate all small animals, but ponies in particular! They nibble and chase you and never leave you alone! Why can't horses be BORN big?"  
  
"Well," said Háma. "Isn't this a turn out for the books? Our own fearless shield-maiden is scared of ponies. Oh well, we still love her! Let her be as lord to the Eorlingas while we are gone."  
  
"It shall be so," said Théoden.  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!" cried Christina. "But she's scared of horses! We're known as the Horse People and she's afraid of horses!!!! And you want to leave her in charge?!?!?!" Every head in the crowd nodded. "You're mad! The lot of you!"  
  
"Don't start that again, Christina," said Aragorn.  
  
"You see this?" she continued, pointing to her hair. "This makes me different! People have to ask me where I come from instead of immediately knowing! And I'm glad of that! I don't want people to know I'm related to half of you! This is called denying your roots! And I'm proud of it!!!"  
  
"And you definitely HAVE denied your roots," said Legolas, looking at the parting of her hair. "They won't have to ask you for long. Look at that one!"  
  
"ARGH!" She ran back into the hall. Legolas laughed hard.  
  
"I was joking," he called. "There isn't any really." She came back out with a face like thunder and slapped him.  
  
"That wasn't funny!" she hissed.  
  
"Yes, well," said Théoden, frowning with disapproval. "I hope such displays of childishness, on both parts may I add, do not happen frequently. Else what am I to think except that you should be as a child in battle?"  
  
"We are not!" retorted Christina. "I'll have you know that I've proved very useful on our journey- well, sort of. And Legolas has skills you've never even dreamed of!" Legolas looked at her in amazement. She complimented him. She actually complimented him. And it wasn't a slip of the tongue this time. She said it and meant it. 'Mental note to Legolas: ask Christina why she's being so nice to us all of a sudden.'  
  
"Then stop behaving like a child and I won't think it," said Théoden, a tone finality was in his voice.  
  
Once Éowyn had received a sword and corslet from the king and had her leadership declared for all to hear (much to Christina's disgust), Théoden, the guests and Éomer went down the stair and to the gate. There they found a great host of men, old and young, all ready in the saddle. More than a thousand were mustered there. Loudly and joyously they shouted when the king came forth. Some held in readiness the king's horse, Snowmane, and others held the horses of Aragorn and Legolas. But no Piewacket.  
  
"Excuse me," she said. "Where is my horse?"  
  
"In the stable where she pretty much always is," replied one of the men.  
  
"Why is she not here?" she said.  
  
"The order was for capable MEN to gather here," said another. Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas winced at that comment. 'Not a good thing to say to Christina,' thought Aragorn. "We knew not of your participation."  
  
"And since when have I not participated in such events?" said Christina, losing her patience.  
  
"We were not told-" began the first.  
  
"Well, I'm telling you now," she said. "GO AND GET HER!!!" The first man looked expectantly at the king.  
  
"Well," said Théoden. "Don't stand there gawping, man. Get the girl - WOMAN, sorry, I said it, woman - her horse. And quickly!"  
  
When Piewacket finally arrived, they were all ready to leave. Suddenly, Gandalf threw back his grey cloak, and cast aside his hat, and leaped to horseback. He wore no mail or helm.  
  
"Behold the White Rider!" cried Aragorn and all took up from the words  
  
"Our King and the White Rider!" they shouted. "Forth Eorlingas!" The trumpets sounded. The horses reared and neighed. Spear clashed on shield. Then the king raised his hand, and with a rush like the sudden onset of a great wind the last host of Rohan rode thundering into the West.  
  
*******************  
  
A/N: Reviewer notes:  
  
Yavanna: Probably not but it would be cool though!!!  
  
Rebekka: Glad you like! ~ Yup, he's very gay! That's why I thought Christina was such a good idea!!! Lolz! I'll mail you when I get the chance!  
  
Sanely Challenged: Yay for you, shame about the cough though! Hope this makes it feel better!  
  
(empty): I'm thinking now that you don't know who I'm talking to so I'll quote what you said: 'haha... this story really makes me laugh... keep writing =D' All I can say is I aim to please and Tafi says to say she thinks (empty) is a cute name!  
  
U2LoVeR: So? Your point is? At least she's not in love with him!  
  
Princess Joy: Thanks for that! I actually found that out myself the other day so it's weird you should mention it!  
  
twinkssparklygirl: Hmmm, I think I've taken advantage of your offer (yes, that sounds dodgy Tafi, but she knows what I mean) in the next two chapters! And thanks for the advice!  
  
Tafi: Where to begin? The beginnings always a good start so maybe I'll start there! Anywayz... ~ Is Gimli ever-so-slightly annoying? ~ You know, I'd never guess you liked Tyler. But that's just me for you! ~ EW! No, you really don't want that conversation with a dwarf! Legolas, yes, Gimli, NOOOO! ~ Well, it's sort of different for Chris because she's related to the king. Plus she's was saying generally that she didn't want to go home, not just that she didn't want to see the king! ~ EW! His lover? ~ And is Thranduil ever-so-annoying? ~ WOW! You've drawn MJ and Ash? COOL! ~ Yes, he's extremely greasy and EW! He spat on you? Gross! ~ Tafi, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit... that's why I love it!!! ~ Go you for liking reviewer notes! er... YEAH! OK then... ~ OK: You're thick! J/K! The deal is Chris and Háma had a past and Chris wants it to be a present as well! I haven't really decided on details but... anywayz, you know now! ~ If I know you then you've probably guessed right! Unlike me! That makes no sense, but hey!!! ~ OK, yes, Thranduil is VERY annoying! I'm soooooooo glad I'm not Legolas! ~ You pictured that? Gee, thanks! ~ The # of orli pics has gone up because there's some I didn't count. It's now 93, but when I'm done with this I'm getting more! And yes I understand! Who wouldn't wanna?! ~ Leggers is great! I love it! I've said it occasionally now, as well! ~ I'm glad you love it and sorry for when I confuse you! But just ask when you are! Oh yeah, you do! ~ Was that a long enough reviewer note for you? I hope so because tough if it's not!  
  
Anywayz, I'll let get on now!!!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	26. The 'people' of the Mark

A/N: I consider this chapter of the book (Helm's Deep) to be very dodgy! You'll see why. And I'm only doing bits and pieces of getting to Helm's Deep, the battle, going to Isengard, blah, blah, blah, because it's waaaaaaay too long to do in full.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Yes, I have a filthy mind! We know this, OK? But having a clean mind is boring, so I'm proud to be not boring!!!  
  
Chapter 26  
  
"I'm bored," said Christina. This was a very different sort of journey to that of the fellowship. They may have been a lot more of her people, but there were no hobbits. "Legolas, come here so I can hit you."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"I don't want to be hit, Christina," he said. "And certainly not because you're bored."  
  
"Then will you insult me so I have a reason to hit you?" she asked.  
  
"Shut up, Christina," said Legolas. She sighed.  
  
"Where is Pippin when you need him?"  
  
When night finally closed around them, they halted to make their camp. They had ridden for some five hours and were far out upon the western plain, yet more than half their journey still lay before them. In a great circle, under the starry sky, they now made their camp. They lit no fires, for they were uncertain of events; but they set a ring of mounted guards about them and scouts rode far ahead, passing like shadows in the folds of the land. The slow night passed without tidings or alarm. At dawn the horns sounded and within an hour they too the road again.  
  
As the second day of their riding drew on, the heaviness in the air increased. In the afternoon the dark clouds began to overtake them: a sombre canopy with great billowing edges flecked with dazzling light. All this did noting to improve Christina's mood.  
  
"Legolas?" she called. He turned to her. "Come here a minute." He gave her an uncertain look. "Please?" He reluctantly dropped back a little so he was in line with her. She slapped him hard.  
  
"What was that for?!" he cried.  
  
"Well, I figured that if I asked you like I did yesterday, you'd say no," she said, innocently. "So, I didn't ask you."  
  
"But, I haven't even done anything!" he said, indignantly.  
  
"Yeah, I know," she said. "But that's only because you haven't had the chance. I know that if given the chance you would have annoyed me already, so I slapped you for it." She smiled sweetly at him. "OK, you can go now." He angrily rode forward to where he had been before.  
  
In the last red glow of the sunset, men in the vanguard saw a black speck, a horseman riding back towards them. They halted awaiting him. When he came they saw he had a dinted helm and cloven shield. He dismounted his horse and stood there while gasping. At length he spoke of the battle of the previous day. All was not well. He advised the king to turn back and protect Edoras, but Théoden refused.  
  
"Give this man a fresh horse," ordered the king. "Let us ride to the help of Erkenbrand!" But before they did, Gandalf spoke.  
  
"Ride Théoden!" he said. "Take your men to-"  
  
"OI!" shouted Christina. "I AM NOT A MAN!!! The next person to forget me will get a slap!" Gandalf sighed.  
  
"Take your 'people' to Helm's Deep! Go not to the Fords of Isen, and do not tarry in the plain! I must leave you for a while. Shadowfax must bear me now on a swift errand." Turning to Aragorn and Éomer and the 'people' of the king's household, he cried: "Keep well the Lord of the Mark, till I return. Await me at Helm's Gate! Farewell!" He spoke a word to Shadowfax and he was gone.  
  
The host turned away from the road to the Fords of Isen and bent their course southward. Night fell and still they rode on. The hills drew near, but the tall peaks if Thrihyrne were already dim against the darkening sky. Still some miles away, on the far side of the Westfold Vale, lay a green comb, a great bay in the mountains, Helm's Deep. A Helm's gate, before the mouth of the Deep, there was a heel of rock... A/N: Look, you don't want to know any of this, do you? You've read the book, you know all about what happens before the battle. So you won't mind if I just skip straight to Helm's Deep, will you? Well, tough if you do.  
  
The Deeping Wall was twenty feet high, and so thick that four men could walk abreast (A/N: Not even going to bother asking!) along the top, sheltered by a parapet over which only a tall man could look. Here and there were clefts in the stone through which men could shoot. This battlement could be reached could be reached by a stair running down from a door in the outer court of the Hornburg. Three flights of steps led up also on to the wall from the Deep behind, but in front it was smooth and the great stones of it were set with such skill that no foothold could be found at their joints, and at the top they hung over like a sea-delved cliff.  
  
Gimli stood leaning against the breastwork (A/N: O_o) upon the wall. Legolas sat above on the parapet, fingering his bow (A/N: That's just gross!) and peering out into the gloom.  
  
"This is more to my liking," said the dwarf, stamping on the stones. "Ever my heart rises as we draw near the mountains. There is good rock here. This country has tough bones. I felt them in my feet as we came up from the dike. Give me a year and a hundred of my kin and I would make this a place that armies would break against like water."  
  
"I do not doubt it," said Legolas. "But you a dwarf and dwarves are strange folk. I do not like this place and I shall like it no more by the light of day. But you comfort me, Gimli, and I am glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and your hard axe. (A/N: Eep! EWWW! Hell no!) And think of it this way. At least Christina isn't here."  
  
"Did I hear my name?" sounded and all too familiar voice. (A/N: You know, considering she doesn't like the guy, she's spending a hell of a lot of time around Legolas, isn't she?)  
  
"What do you want, Christina?" said Legolas, exasperatedly. He knew he was safe to insult her from where he was, since he was about a foot higher up than she was.  
  
"How the hell did you get up there?" she said when she saw him sitting on the parapet.  
  
"What do you want, Christina?" he repeated.  
  
"Aragorn sent me up here because I was scaring everyone," she said, gloomily. Gimli and Legolas looked at her oddly. "Well, they were leaving me out and ignoring me, so I sort of shouted and made about a hundred men run away."  
  
"Aragorn's right," said Gimli. "How do you do it?" But before she could answer Branched lightning smote down upon the eastward hills. Thunder rolled in the valley. Rain came lashing down. Legolas leapt down from the parapet.  
  
Arrows, thick as rain, came whistling over the battlements and fell clinking and glancing on the stones. Some found a mark. The assault on Helm's Deep had begun, but no sound or challenge was heard within; no answering arrows came. The assailing hosts halted, foiled by the silent menace of rock and wall. Ever and again the lightning tore aside the darkness. Then the orcs screamed, waving spear and sword and shooting a cloud of arrows at any that stood revealed upon the battlements; and the 'people' of the Mark amazed looked out, as it seemed to them, upon a great field of dark corn, every ear glinted with barbed light.  
  
********  
  
A/N: Look I'm struggling at the moment, OK? So, don't kill me for the crud chapters I'm doing at the moment! You'll just have to hope they get better. And if they don't, well, tough!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. To anyone who's read Love's Cruel Twist: I've re-written it! It's being posted with these chapters so please go and have a look if you get the chance. And if you haven't read it, please go and have a look anyway!  
  
PPS. To anyone that's read A New Enemy: there are more chapters of that up too! 


	27. Háma's Farewell

A/N: PLOT HOLE IN THE REAL TTT!!! Well, sort of. In 'Helm's Deep' (the chapter not the place) just before Gimli and Legolas start comparing their battle scores, Gimli saves Éomer. Gimli says (and I quote): ' "There may be many a chance ere the night is over," said the Dwarf. "But I am content. I have hewn naught but wood since we left Moria." ' That, my friends, is a lie! He killed many orcs at Tol Brandir, when Boromir died. See Tafi! It's not only me that makes mistakes! The great Tolkien himself made one!!  
  
Well, I just thought I'd tell you all because I have bugger all else to do! And you may also have already noticed this, but do I really look (ok, you can't see me, so, sound) like the kind of girl that cares if she's making a fool of herself? Thought not! Right then, shutting up now!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. How can you run like fire?  
  
PPS. Screw this! I'm giving up! I'm not writing anymore of the bloody battle!!! It's doing my head in! It's too long!!! I'm going from where Gimli meets up with Aragorn and Legolas again afterwards. FYI - Christina was with Gimli and Éomer.  
  
Chapter 27  
  
So it was in the light of the fair morning King Théoden and Gandalf the White Rider met again upon the green grass beside the Deeping stream. There also was Aragorn son of Arathorn and Legolas the Elf (A/N: Great title, Leggy! *shifty eyes* Yeah, really great!) and Erkenbrand of Westfold and the lords of the Golden house. About them were gathered the Rohirrim, the Riders of the Mark: wonder overcame their joy in victory, and their eyes were turned towards the wood.  
  
Suddenly there was a great shout and down from the Dike came those who had been driven back into the Deep. There came Gamling the Old and Éomer son of Éomund, and beside them walked Gimli the dwarf. (A/N: HA! Dwarf didn't even get a capital 'd'! Shame! Er, moving on...) He had no helm and about his head was a linen band stained with blood; but his voice was loud and strong.  
  
"Forty-two, Master Legolas!" he cried. "Alas! My axe is notched (A/N: O_o): the forty-second had an iron collar on his neck. How was it with you?"  
  
"You have passed my score by one," answered Legolas. "But I do not grudge you the game, so glad I am to see you on your legs!" (A/N: Also sounds very dodgy in the wrong context!) He then noticed Christina. She was filthy dirty, had a linen band on her hand and had a face like thunder.  
  
"No, I'm not all right before you bother asking," she snapped, when she noticed him looking at her.  
  
"What's wrong?" he said.  
  
"Éomer had to save me," she said, coldly.  
  
"And that's a bad thing?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, that's a bad thing!" she cried. "Now I'm in his debt! I have to be nice to him!!!" Legolas was about to say something but she continued. "And what's more! Some fool forgot about Piewacket and didn't tend to her as they did the other horses. So now she has a gash on her neck! It's not a very deep gash, mind, and it doesn't seem to bother her, but a gash it is!"  
  
"I'm sure she'll be alright," said Legolas. "From what I've heard, she's seen a lot worse." She gave him a curious look.  
  
"What do you mean?" she said. "She's never had a wound in her life, before this." Legolas suddenly looked very nervous.  
  
"Er... yeah, um, of course she hasn't," he said. "What I meant was, er, that you've put her through the paces and, um, she's doing well?"  
  
"What's happened to my horse that I don't know about?" growled Christina. (A/N: Well, we always knew she was a bitch!)  
  
"Ask Éomer!" he said quickly, and then ran away. Christina spun round and glared at him.  
  
"Éomer!" she barked. (A/N: Like I said, we knew she was a bitch!) "What did you do to my horse?!?!?!" Éomer whimpered.  
  
"She, um, sort of, got, sort of, hit in the leg when we used her," he squeaked.  
  
"With what?"  
  
"An arrow." He started to back away from her.  
  
"You let my horse get shot?!" she cried.  
  
"But we didn't take her out again until she was healed..." he trailed off.  
  
"You took her out more than once?"  
  
"AARRGGHH!" Éomer ran off screaming.  
  
"So that's how you do it," laughed Aragorn. She turned and glared at him. He immediately stopped laughing. "Shutting up now." Suddenly, she picked up on part of a conversation.  
  
"Alas for Háma," said one rider.  
  
"His leadership will never be forgotten," said another. She turned to them.  
  
"What's wrong with Háma?" she said, slowly, all previous fierceness erased from her voice. There was now curiosity. Or fear? "What's happened to him?"  
  
"He..." the first rider paused and then bowed his head. "He fell in battle." He eyes widened in shock.  
  
"No, you must be mistaken," she said. "Háma can't be dead."  
  
"He is," said the second rider. "We saw it. He fell before the Gate." She looked at others around her, questioningly. They nodded their heads. She lowered her own head.  
  
"I'm going to see to Piewacket," she said, quietly, to Aragorn.  
  
The king now returned to the Hornburg and slept, such a sleep he had not known for many years and the remainder of his chosen company, who were to travel with him to Isengard, rested also. But the others, al that were not hurt or wounded, began a great labour; for many had fallen in battle and lay dead upon the field or in the Deep. No Orcs remained alive; heir bodies were uncounted. But many of the hillmen had given themselves up; and they were afraid and cried for mercy. The Men of the Mark took their weapons from them and set them to work.  
  
In the afternoon the King's company prepared to depart. The work of the burial was then but the beginning; and Théoden mourned for the loss of Háma, his captain, and cast the first earth upon his grave. Though, to many peoples' surprise, Christina was no where to be found. 


	28. Merry meetings

A/N: If you were wondering, which you probably weren't but I'll say it anyway, Christina is very depressed in this chapter, that's why she rarely speaks and isn't her usual sarcastic self.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. This is a 'this happened, that happened' sort of chapter at the beginning, so apologies in advance if I bore you into a deep stupor!  
  
  
  
Chapter 28  
  
The sun was drawing near the hills upon the west of the Coomb, when at last everyone was ready to set off. Well, almost. Christina wasn't there and nobody had seen her. There had been a great debate amongst them of whether she was important enough to wait for.  
  
"Seriously," said Aragorn, "you don't want to go without her. We made that mistake when we left Moria. The only reason we're still standing here is because one of the hobbits admitted it to being his fault."  
  
"What's it got to do with whose fault it was?" said Éomer.  
  
"She adores Pippin and lets him get away with anything," said Legolas.  
  
"Except swearing," said Gimli.  
  
"Well, anyway," said Théoden. "Do we go or not?"  
  
"Of course we're going," said Christina, monotonously. She was suddenly behind Legolas and Aragorn, sitting on Piewacket. Everyone turned to look at her. "Why wouldn't we?" Gandalf glared at everyone and then said:  
  
"No reason, we were just making conversation whilst we were waiting for you."  
  
"Fascinating," she mumbled. They finally set off. Théoden and Gandalf and their companions rode down from the Dike. Behind them were gathered a great host, both of the Riders and of the people of Westfold, old and young, women and children, who had come out from the caves. A song of victory they sang with clear voices; and then they fell silent, wondering what would chance, for their eyes were on the trees and they feared them.  
  
The Riders came to the wood and they halted; horse and man, they were unwilling to pass in. The trees were grey and menacing and a shadow or a mist was about them. But Gandalf went forward, leading the company and where the road from the Hornburg met the trees they saw an opening like an arched gate under mighty boughs; and through it Gandalf passed and they followed him. Then to their amazement they found that the road ran on, and the Deeping-stream beside it; and the sky was open above and full of golden light. No Orc or other living creature could be seen.  
  
Legolas and Gimli were now riding together upon one horse (A/N: O_o); and they kept close beside Gandalf, for Gimli was afraid of the wood. The rode in silence for a while; but Legolas was ever glancing from side to side and would often have halted to listen to the sounds of the wood, if Gimli had allowed it.  
  
"How far is it to Isengard, Gandalf?" said Legolas.  
  
"About fifteen leagues as the crows of Saruman make it," said Gandalf: "five from the mouth of the Deeping-coomb to the fords; and ten more from there to the gates of Isengard. But we shall not ride all the way this night."  
  
At last the company passed through the trees and found that they had come to the bottom of the Coomb, where the road from Helm's Deep branched, going one way east to Edoras and the other north to the fords of Isen. As they rode from under the eaves of the wood, Legolas halted and looked back with regret. Then he gave a sudden cry.  
  
"There are eyes!" he said. "Eyes looking out from the shadows of the boughs! I never saw such eyes before." The others, surprised by his cry, halted and turned; but Legolas started to ride back.  
  
"No! No!" cried Gimli. "Do as you please in your madness, but let me first get off this horse! Oh Eru, Legolas has gone mad! I've driven him mad! Help! Ai-oi! What am I going to do?!"  
  
"Get over it, Gimli," said Christina. She merely glanced over her shoulder and remained the only one who had not turned round to witness the commotion.  
  
"Stay, Legolas Greenleaf!" said Gandalf. "Do not go back into the wood, not yet! Now is not your time." Even as he spoke, there came forward out of the trees three strange shapes. As tall as trolls they were, twelve feet of more in height; their strong bodies, stout as young trees, seemed to be clad with raiment or with hide of close-fitting grey and brown. The riders cried aloud in wonder and some set their hands upon their sword-hilts.  
  
"You need no weapons," said Gandalf. "These are but herdsmen. They are not enemies, indeed they are not concerned with us at all." So it seemed to be; for as he spoke the tall creatures, without a glance at the riders, strode into the wood and vanished.  
  
The company then turned away from the Coomb and from he wood and took the road towards the Fords. Legolas followed reluctantly. The sun had set; already it had sunk behind the rim of the world; but as they rode from the Gap of Rohan the sky was still red and a burning light was under floating clouds.  
  
The night passed, and although they halted and made camp, little rest was found. At dawn they made ready to go on and by the hour of noon they had reached the doors of Isengard. But the doors lay hurled and twisted on the ground. And all about, stone, cracked and splintered into countless jagged shards, was scattered far-and-wide, or piled in ruinous heaps. The great arch still stood, but it opened now like a roofless chasm: the tunnel was laid bare and through the cliff-like walls on either side great rents and breaches had been torn; their towers were beaten to dust.  
  
The king and all his company sat silent on their horses, marvelling, perceiving that the power of Saruman was overthrown, but how they could not guess. And now they turned their eyes towards the archway and the ruined gates. There they saw close beside them a great rubble-heap; and suddenly they were aware of two small figures lying on it at their ease, grey-clad, hardly to be seen among the stones. There were bottles and bowls and platters laid beside them, as if they had just eaten well and now rested from their labour. One seemed asleep; the other, with crossed legs and arms behind his head, leaned back against the broken rock and sent from his mouth long wisps and little rings of thin blue smoke. Christina's eyes lit up and, for the first time in two days, she smiled.  
  
The small smoke-breathing figure became suddenly aware of them, as they sat there silent on the edge of mist. He sprang to his feet. He bowed very low, putting his hand upon his chest. Then, seeming not to observe the wizard and his friends, he turned to Éomer and the king.  
  
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said. "We are the doorwardens. Meriadoc, son of Sardoc is my name; and my companion, who alas! is overcome with weariness"- here he gave the other a dig with his foot, unaware of the scowl Christina was wearing -"is Peregrin, son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the North is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment he is closeted with one Wormtongue, or doubtless he would be here to welcome such honourable guests."  
  
"Doubtless he would," laughed Gandalf. "And was it Saruman that ordered you to guard his damaged doors and watch for the arrival of guests, when your attention could be spared from plate and bottle?"  
  
"No, good sir, the matter escaped him," answered Merry gravely. "He has been much occupied. Our orders came from Treebeard. He commanded me to welcome the Lord of Rohan with fitting words. I have done my best."  
  
"And what about your companions?" What about Legolas and Christina and Aragorn and I?" cried Gimli, unable to contain himself longer. "You rascals, you woolly-footed and wool-pated truants! You-"  
  
"Gimli," warned Christina, in a low growl.  
  
"A fine hunt you have lead us!" he continued. "Two hundred leagues, through fen and forest, battle and death, to rescue you! And here we find you feasting and idling - and smoking! Smoking! Where did you come by the weed, you villains?"  
  
"Gimli," said Christina, more sharply this time.  
  
"Hammer and tongs! I am so torn between rage and joy, that if I do not burst it will be a marvel!"  
  
"You speak for me, Gimli," laughed Legolas. "Though I would sooner learn how they came by the wine."  
  
"Do I really need to say anything?" said Christina, whilst dismounting her horse. She looked over at Pippin. "Peregrin Took! Whatever are you doing on the ground?" Pippin opened one eye and grinned. The others looked at her as if she had grown another head. She turned to them and smiled. "My mom used to say that to my brother! But without the 'Peregrin Took' bit obviously."  
  
"Well," said Aragorn, speaking for all of them. "That's a little different from the Christina we've seen for the past few days."  
  
"Would you rather have that other Christina, Aragorn?" she said, menacingly.  
  
"No," he said.  
  
"Very well, then," she said. She turned her back on him and faced Pippin, who was still on the ground. "Now where was I? Oh yes, Pippin, get here now." Pippin stood up and walked over to her. When he reached her, she crouched down and hugged him. Aragorn turned to Théoden, whose jaw had dropped, as had those of the Riders who could see her. They had never seen Christina show affection towards anyone before.  
  
"See what we mean," said Aragorn.  
  
"It cannot be doubted that we come upon the meeting of dear friends," said Éomer. "So these are the lost ones of your company, Christina?" She nodded.  
  
"Sorry to spoil the party," said Gandalf, and he received some strange looks for doing so, "but where is Treebeard, Merry?"  
  
"Away on the north side, I believe. He went to get a drink - of clean water. Most of the other Ents are with him, still busy at their work - over there." Merry waved his hand towards the steaming lake. "He left a message. I was to say that, if the Lord of the Mark and Gandalf will ride to the northern wall they will find Treebeard there, and he will welcome them. I may add that will also find food of the best there. It was discovered and selected by your humble servants." He bowed. Gandalf laughed.  
  
"Very well," said Gandalf. "Well, Théoden, will you ride with me t find Treebeard? We must go round about, but it is not far."  
  
"I will come with you," said Théoden. "Farewell, halflings! May we meet again!" The hobbits bowed low.  
  
"Gandalf," said Christina, "could you take Piewacket for me? I don't trust Éomer with her." He nodded and took the reigns of Christina's horse.  
  
"So, that is the King of Rohan!" said Pippin in an undertone. "A fine old fellow. Very polite."  
  
"Only because he likes you," said Christina. "Don't get on the wrong side of him, Pip, else you may wish you stood a little higher off the ground. You might stand more chance against the Rohirrim that way." Pippin gulped. "I'm joking," she said. He sighed. "Well, sort of."  
  
****************  
  
A/N: Reviewer notes:  
  
Ruth: I'm confused! What's that all about?  
  
Tafi: I am completely disgusted! Gimli. EW! I don't even want to think about it! ~ Yep, I'm all grown up now coz I used fyi! Yay! ~ Hmmm, probably not a good idea to mock someone generally bigger than you! Not that I would ever harm you, but - oh damn, I just ruined the image, didn't I? ~ *Giggling a lot at Thranduil's name* How great are pervy teenage minds? ~ Your gonna vomit? My story isn't that bad, is it? Oh, not my story. ~ Ok, I have no idea what half of those subjects are but if I say 'poor you' will that cover them sufficiently? (Elfie learnt a big word!) ~ Wow! If you die I get all that? Aww, I never knew you cared. Er, ok so I did, but it's the sentiment! ~ I never really wanted to go into law, but I'll try and remember that. Do you want me to print it off and make it an official deed? ~ Cheer up, chuckidy! I'm sure it won't be THAT bad! Not that I'd know, but still, I'm sure it won't be that bad! ~ Um. I'm not getting overly sympathetic *receives very strange looks from fam* what? I'm not! Rebekka: Hey, I try my hardest! Princess Joy: Yes, your highness! Is three chapters enough for you? ~ Yes, she's a mega-bitch but hey, you can't be nice all the time. OK, so Chris is never nice, but you get where I'm coming from!  
  
Well, there you go, I hope these chapters keep you occupied!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	29. Coz i got high, coz i got high, coz i go...

A/N: I'm very aware there was no such thing as 'Scooby Doo' in Middle Earth, or anything else non-Middle Earthish that I use in this chapter. Just accept it, OK?  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 29  
  
"Well, Well! The hunt is over and we meet again at last, where none of us ever thought to come," said Aragorn.  
  
"And now the great ones have gone to discuss high matters," said Legolas, "the hunters can perhaps learn answers to their own small riddles. We tracked you as far as the forest, but there are still many things that I should like to know the truth of."  
  
"No, no, no," said Christina. "You've got your priorities all wrong. The first thing we have to do is make sure Pippin is all right. Er. and Merry." Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas rolled their eyes. "Now Pippin, are you sure you're all right?"  
  
"Yep," he said, basking in the attention he was being given.  
  
"Your absolutely positive?" she asked.  
  
"Yep," he said, again.  
  
"Hmmm, well, I have to say, you do look all right," she said. "OK, I believe you. And Merry? Are you absolutely sure you're OK?"  
  
"Absotively, positutely!" he said, cheerfully.  
  
"Good. OK, you can carry on now," she said to Gimli.  
  
"Before any questions are asked," said Gimli. "What of this plunder you have acquired? Food and drink would be gratefully accepted at this time."  
  
"Then you shall have it," said Pippin.  
  
"And pipe-weed?" asked Gimli.  
  
"No, I don't think so," Merry laughed. "But that is another story which can wait till after lunch."  
  
"Well, let us go and have lunch then!" said the Dwarf. The hobbits led the way to the guardhouse where they were to have lunch.  
  
And once they had done just that they went out and seated themselves back on the pile of stones before the gateway. They could see far into the valley now; the mists were lifting and floating away upon the breeze.  
  
"Now let us take our ease here for a while!" said Aragorn. "We will sit on the edge of ruin and talk, as Gandalf says, while he is busy elsewhere. I feel a weariness as I have seldom felt before." He wrapped his grey cloak about him, hiding his mail-shirt and stretched out his long legs. Then he lay back and sent from his lips a thin stream of smoke.  
  
"Look!" said Pippin. "Strider the Ranger has come back!"  
  
"He has never been away," said Aragorn. "I am Strider and Dúnadan too, and I belong both to Gondor and the North."  
  
They smoked (excluding Legolas and Christina) in silence for a while and the sun shone on them; slanting into the valley from among white clouds high in the West. Legolas lay still, looking up at the sun and the sky, and softly singing to himself. At last he sat up.  
  
"Come now!" he said. "Time wears on and the mists are blowing away, or would if you strange folk did not wreathe yourselves in smoke. What of the tale?" But before anyone could answer, Christina started giggling. They looked at her oddly.  
  
"Legolas?" she said. Her voice was suddenly very high, like that of a small child. She leant her head to the side. "Why have you got four arms?" And she giggled again. "You look funny!" The others looked at each other, then at the pipes and then at Christina, who was now pointing at a rock, saying: "Pretty birdie!"  
  
"Uh-oh," said Pippin (A/N: That seems to be his answer to everything). "Christina's high."  
  
"I'm not high!" she said. "I'm loooooooooooooooooooooow! I'm on the ground! La-la-la-la-la! Do-de-do! Pretty birdie."  
  
"Christina, listen to me," said Legolas, slowly. "I want you to do something for me, OK? What I want you to do is-"  
  
"Do! Do! Do! Do!" she sang. "Ooh! I know a song about do's! 'Scooby dooby doo! Where are you? I'm halfway down the loo, now! Someone flushed the chain and I went to Spain! Don't forget to send me a postcard!' " The hobbits, who had previously stood up, were now on the floor again from laughing. "And I know another one! 'Everybody sing this song! Doo-dah! Doo- dah! Now, everybody sing this song, all the doo-dah day! All the doo-dah day! All the doo-dah day! Everybody sing this song! All the doo-dah day!' " Legolas looked at Aragorn.  
  
"What are we going to do?" he said. "She's gone completely mad! This is your fault!"  
  
"How is it?!" replied Aragorn. "How was I to know she's never been in the presence of pipe-weed before? I didn't know this would happen." They looked over to her. She was still singing.  
  
"Numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty numpty!!!!" she was singing. "I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike singing! Singing is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun! Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn!! Sing a song with me!" Pippin stopped laughing for a moment to look at her but then started laughing again. "Oh well! I'll siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing on my own then! 'And I saw her face! Yeah, I'm a believer! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! I'm in love! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried! Yeah! I saw her faaaaaaace! I'm a belieeeeeeever! Not a traaaaaace! Of doubt in my mind! I'm in loooooooooooove! I'm a belieeeeever! Whoa! IbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieve! Whoa! Yeah! I believe! I believe! I believe! I believe!' Whoa! That was funny. I can't breathe. I can't breathe!" (A/N: For you Moj!) She looked at Gimli and giggled. "You look like a monkey! Hehehehe! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I've got a joke! I've got a joke! Leeeeggggoooollllaaaas! When's a monkey not a monkey?" He looked at her and couldn't believe that two days previously this girl, er, woman, had made a hundred men run away. It didn't make any sense. "Leeeeggggoooollllaaaas! When's a monkey not a monkey?"  
  
"I don't know, Christina," he sighed. "When's a monkey not a monkey?"  
  
"When it's an oliphaunt!!!" She fell about in fits of giggles. Then she sat up and started singing: " 'O oliphaunt! O oliphaunt! How lovely are your branches!' "  
  
"I say again," said Legolas. "What are we going to do?"  
  
"Well, at least she can sing, Legolas," said Merry. "At least she doesn't sound like a drowning cat." They looked over at her.  
  
"Hit me with your rhythm stick!"  
  
"I haven't got a rhythm stick," said Aragorn. "But will an ordinary stick do?" She stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
"Araaaaagorrrrrrrrn is a bullllllllllly!" she said. "Hehehehe! Merry looks like a mole! Hehehe! Mole! Moley moley Merry! Mole! I know a song about moles! I am a mole and I live in a hole!"  
  
"I do not look like a monkey," said Gimli. Aragorn and Legolas looked at him.  
  
"Gimli, we are way beyond that now," said Aragorn. "She's singing about moles and sticks, for Eru's sake!"  
  
"No, she's not, she's meditating," said Legolas, "on her head!" The looked over and sure enough she was in the lotus position with the thumb and middle finger of each hand joined, eyes closed, whilst doing a headstand against a tree.  
  
"Hommmm. Hommmm. Hommmm." She repeated this several times until she got bored and tried to stand up, but fell over because she for got she was upside down. She sat up and held her head. "Chrissy go sleepy time now." And without another word she lay down and curled up into an almost foetal position and fell asleep, whilst sucking her thumb.  
  
"Awww," said Merry. "She looks cute when she's asleep. Now, why can't she look like that all the time?"  
  
"I think she does," said Legolas. They all looked at him. "What? You know I like her."  
  
"She's only there, you know," said Aragorn.  
  
"So, she's asleep," said Legolas. "I can say whatever I want!" He added with a smile.  
  
"Well, please don't," said Merry. "I'd like my two lunches to stay in stomach, thank you very much."  
  
"Do you think she'll sleep it off?" said Gimli.  
  
"I hope not!" said Pippin. "That's the most fun I've had in weeks!" 


	30. Rejection

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. It was some of the much- needed humour that I've been lacking in recently. I'm afraid I have to inform you all that you probably won't get another chapter like that ever again but hey, that's life for you! I was going to upload this chapter yesterday, but my computer started being stupid and wouldn't upload this one, for some odd reason. So, I apologise on behalf of my dumbass computer and as a peace token I'm hoping to upload 7 chapters today for you all.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Chapter 30  
  
"What, in the name of Eru, are we going to do now?" said Aragorn. "Because you can forget waking her up."  
  
"I think we should go to Gandalf," said Gimli.  
  
"But," said Pippin, "what are we going to do with-" he giggled "- Chrissy?"  
  
"We'll have to leave her here and get her when we come back," said Aragorn.  
  
"We had that conversation in Helm's Deep," said Legolas. "It is not wise." Gimli caught on to what Aragorn was getting at.  
  
"Yes, Legolas," he said, with a smile, "but we didn't have Pippin then." Pippin looked at Gimli.  
  
"What about me?" said Pippin.  
  
"Pippin?" said Aragorn, crouching down, putting an arm round his shoulder.  
  
"What?" he said, cautiously.  
  
"Do you remember a certain conversation on the way to Lothlórien? It went something along the lines of: 'why didn't someone tell her we were going to run for a bit? Boromir, I told you to do it!' And this conversation went all the way through the fellowship until we got to you." Pippin's eyes widened and he started shaking his head vigorously.  
  
"Oh no!" he said. "No! I'm taking the blame again! No! I won't do it! You can't make me do it!"  
  
"Go on, Pip," said Merry. "You know she worships you. She'll just forget about it if you say it was your idea. Plus the fact, you'll get all that attention off her that you haven't had for a while." Pippin looked at the four faces watching him, hopefully.  
  
"But."  
  
"Go on, Pip," said Merry. Pippin sighed.  
  
"Oh, all right then," he said. "But only for the attention. If it goes otherwise I'm telling her the truth."  
  
"Well done, Pippin," said Aragorn. "You know it makes sense."  
  
"I know I'm completely stupid," he muttered. Aragorn stood up and began to walk towards the gateway.  
  
"You know," said Legolas, "if you're worried about her reaction, someone could always stay here with her."  
  
"Hmm, let me think," said Aragorn. "No."  
  
"If-"  
  
"Not an option, Legolas," said Aragorn.  
  
"But-"  
  
"NOT an option," Aragorn repeated.  
  
The sun was sinking behind the long western arm of the mountains when Gandalf and his companions and the king with his Riders set out again from Isengard. Gandalf took Merry behind him (A/N: O_o) and Aragorn took Pippin. They reached the gates and found a furious Christina. Aragorn turned to Théoden.  
  
"I think you and your men should stay here while we get this sorted," he said. Théoden nodded. Aragorn, Legolas and Gandalf rode forward.  
  
"So you think it wise to leave an unstable girl alone, do you?" she hissed at Aragorn. He elbowed Pippin.  
  
"It's my fault, Chrissy, er, I mean Christina," said Pippin, as innocently as he knew how.  
  
"I don't care whose fault it is!" she yelled. Aragorn turned to Pippin to tell him to be quiet but it was too late.  
  
"You lied to me, Merry!" said Pippin, indignantly.  
  
"Pippin-" Pippin turned back to Christina.  
  
"They told me to take the blame because then you wouldn't get mad because you worship me! It was really Gimli's idea!" said Pippin. She ran over to Gimli and slapped him. "And Merry and Aragorn agreed with him!" She slapped Merry who was next to Legolas and Gimli. "But I didn't! And Legolas wanted to stay behind and look after you!"  
  
"EWWW!" she cried. She slapped Legolas as well.  
  
"Well done, Pippin!" said Legolas.  
  
"How could you even think that if I wanted anyone to stay with me it'd be you?!" she said and shuddered.  
  
"Well, I thought back to Lothlórien and - ow!" She hit him again.  
  
"We agreed that was never to be spoken of again!" She turned to Aragorn. "If word of this incident ever gets out you will suffer!" Aragorn paled slightly. She could hear sniggering behind her. She turned and saw the Riders trying to muffle their laughter. She slowly turned back and narrowed her eyes on Aragorn.  
  
"Aragorn," she said. He gulped.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Tell me you didn't," she said.  
  
"Well, I'd be lying if I did that," he squeaked. She continued regardless.  
  
"Please tell me I'm imagining you just told practically THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF ROHAN!"  
  
"I'm really sorry Christina but they asked where you were and I had to tell them you were here and then they asked me why and I told them about the pipe-weed incident and how you'd gone to sleep and we decided it was better if you slept it off-"  
  
"I don't want apologies, Aragorn," she said. She was now surprisingly calm. She walked over to Théoden to retrieve her horse but once she had mounted she didn't return to her companions. She fell in line behind Éomer.  
  
"I hope you don't mind, my lord," she said to Théoden. "Only I no longer feel the need to represent my kindred on some folly quest that isn't going anywhere, anyway. I would much rather try to aid my kind in this way."  
  
"I. well, if that's what you really want," said Théoden, not believing his eyes or ears. Christina was actually acknowledging him and everything else to do with Rohan. And she called him 'my lord'.  
  
"Thank you, lord-" there it was again. "-It is most kind of you after the many things I've done." And she didn't speak another word until they halted for the night.  
  
************  
  
A/N: Well, there you go! Chrissy's denying the fellowship connection with the fellowship and is respecting Théoden? She's got a screwed up mind!!! Doesn't say much about me really does it?! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	31. SHOCK! HORROR! Er movin on

Chapter 31  
  
"What are we going to do this time?" said Legolas. "She's not speaking to any of us. Not even the hobbits!"  
  
"Well, we don't actually know that," said Aragorn. "She hasn't said anything to us, fair enough, but we also haven't said anything to her."  
  
"Yeah, so she just called the quest folly and is now riding with Théoden's men for no reason," said Legolas.  
  
"Why doesn't somebody try to speak to her?" said Pippin.  
  
"I think Aragorn should go," said Gimli, "since he's the one who upset her." Aragorn opened his mouth to protest.  
  
"There's no use denying it, Aragorn," said Merry. "You were the last one she spoke to. If the last person were Legolas, it would be his fault. If it were Gimli then it would be his fault. But it's you." He looked at them. It was pointless trying to get out of it. He sighed and stood up.  
  
"Where is she?" said Aragorn.  
  
"The other side of the campfire," said Legolas. They looked at him. "What? OK, I've been watching her. It's no big deal."  
  
"Don't let Chrissy here you say that," said Pippin. Aragorn walked round the campfire to where, he could now see, Christina was sitting. Before he could say anything, she cut him off.  
  
"I've got nothing to say to you, Aragorn," she said, without looking up at him.  
  
"Christina, I sorry," he said. "But, it doesn't appear to me that your people really care about what happened earlier on today. It was funny when I told them, but they've forgotten about it now." She remained silent. "Look, I promise I'll never breathe another word about it-"  
  
"I'm not interested in empty promises," she said. She looked up now. "I don't want to know, simple as that. I've washed my hands of you and that stupid quest. I'm fighting for my homeland now. So, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get some rest." She got up and walked out of the light of the campfire, presumably to her bedroll.  
  
He stood in silence for a moment. 'That didn't really just happen,' he thought, 'did it? Christina just walked out on the fellowship? Legolas is NOT going to be happy.' He walked back to the others.  
  
"Well?" said Legolas.  
  
"What did she say?" said Pippin.  
  
"Are we forgiven?" said Merry. Aragorn looked at them and sat down.  
  
"No," he said. "We're not forgiven. She's given up on us."  
  
"What do you mean?" said Pippin.  
  
"I apologised and promised I wouldn't tell anyone else about what happened today and her exact words were: 'I'm not interested in empty promises. I don't want to know, simple as that. I've washed my hands of you and that stupid quest. I'm fighting for my homeland now.' Understand what you will from those words, but I take that to be we're not forgiven." All five fell silent. They were shocked. They all knew very well that Christina was unpredictable, but this topped the lot.  
  
"So that's it?" said Pippin, quietly. "She's just leaving us. Just like that?"  
  
"Yes," said Aragorn.  
  
"But, she's part of the fellowship!" Pippin protested. "She offered her sword to Frodo in Rivendell! Aragorn, you can't just let this happen!"  
  
"But you must also remember," Legolas chimed in, "that Lord Elrond said before we left that we all only go as far as we wish. If she had wished to stay in Rohan, there would have been nothing we could have done." That reasoning quietened the hobbit, but it did not lift his own spirits.  
  
Eventually all was still in the camp. The campfire was put out. Guards were set, two at a watch. The hobbits took themselves to a corner and lay on some bracken. Merry was asleep within minutes, but Pippin lay restless for a long while. He could hear someone moving around. He presumed it was the guards switching over to start with, but it didn't cease. He sat up and looked about. Sure enough there was someone moving about not far from where he lay. They appeared to be packing things into a bag, but it was hard to tell because of the little light. So, he got up and silently wandered over. The person was Christina.  
  
A twig cracked beneath Pippin's foot and she snapped her head in his direction. She saw him immediately, despite the dull light.  
  
"Pippin!" she hissed. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I was about to ask you the same thing," he whispered. "Where are the guards?"  
  
"I threw a stone at a bird over the other side to create a disturbance and they've gone to check it out," she said.  
  
"Why do you want to do that?" said Pippin.  
  
"I'm leaving, Pip," she said. Pippin screwed up his face in thought as he tried to make it sink in.  
  
"Leaving?" he said. "Why? Is it to do with everything that's happened today? Aragorn really is sorry, you know." She sat down.  
  
"I know he is, and it is sort of to do with today, but I've been thinking of this for a while now," she said. "I'm not really needed by anyone, Pip. So, I'm going."  
  
"Where are you going to go?" said Pippin.  
  
"I can't tell you," she said. "You'll tell the others. But I'll be safe where I'm going."  
  
"You've got to give me some sort of clue," he said. She thought for a moment.  
  
"OK, I'm going to tell you something that I haven't told anybody. Only one other person knows and it's staying that way." Pippin nodded. "My great- grandmother was an Elf, so I have Elven ancestry. There, does that narrow down the possibilities for you?"  
  
"You're going to stay with Elves somewhere," he said.  
  
"Well done, Pippin," she said. "But you mustn't tell anyone, OK?" Pippin was quiet for a minute.  
  
"I'll miss you, Chrissy," he said. She smiled.  
  
"No you won't," she said. "You'll miss the fuss and attention I give you, but you won't miss me." Pippin hugged her.  
  
"No, I'll miss you," he said. Tears threatened to overflow. No one had ever said that to her before and meant it.  
  
"I'll miss you too, Pippin," she said. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to everyone."  
  
"They'll understand," Pippin said, gently. She sat quietly thinking for a minute.  
  
"Will you do something for me?"  
  
"Of course I will," he replied.  
  
"Tell." She paused. "Pippin. I want you to tell Legolas that I love him, OK? Tell him that for me." Pippin stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"But I thought." he began.  
  
"I know," she said. "It's what I wanted people to think. I wanted people to think I was incapable of emotion."  
  
"Emotion isn't always a bad thing," said Pippin.  
  
"I know," she said. The tears overflowed as she spoke the next sentence. "And since I'm never going to see him again, I figured I might as well face the truth." She stood up and picked up her pack. "Thank you, Pip."  
  
"What for?" he said, following her over to Piewacket, who stood patiently waiting. She attached the sack to the horse's saddle.  
  
"For being a friend," she said. "For putting up with me, for making me laugh. for being you." She mounted Piewacket and took hold of the reigns. "Don't forget to tell him." She spurred Piewacket and Pippin watched her ride into the night.  
  
************ A/N: DAMMIT! I'm sorry, OK? I couldn't help it! Shoot me if you must but I can't help it! I love Mary-Sue's! There, I said it. Tafi: you're probably going to flame me or summut now, but I've completely given up! Moj: It didn't work! I tried to make this 'not a mary-sue' and it worked until now, but I can't do it any more! And I gotta think of a new title now as well, but I don't care! Damn my lack of will power! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	32. Delivery!

Chapter 32  
  
A piercing cry broke the stillness. The guards leapt down from the banks. All the camp was soon astir. Pippin had stolen the Palantír and was being interrogated about what he saw. Eventually Gandalf had made Pippin tell everything he knew. He lifted Pippin gently and carried him back to his bed. Merry followed and sat down beside him.  
  
"Lie there and rest, if you can, Pippin!" said Gandalf. "Trust me. If you feel an itch in your palms again, tell me of it Such things can be cured. But anyway, my dear hobbits, don't put a lump of rock under my elbow again! Now I will leave you two together for a while."  
  
"But I have a message," said Pippin. Gandalf shook his head.  
  
"Rest now," said Gandalf. With that Gandalf returned to the others, who were standing by the Orthanc-stone in troubled thought. "Peril comes in the night when least expected," he said. "We have had a narrow escape!"  
  
"How is Pippin?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"I think all will be well now," answered Gandalf. Then he turned his head to the two watch guards who were arguing.  
  
"The horse has gone!" said one.  
  
"How can that be? We were watching!" said the other.  
  
"We were the other side of the camp, checking out the disturbance," said the first.  
  
"What is the problem?" said Gandalf.  
  
"It's Christina, sir," said the second. "She's gone."  
  
"Gone?" said Gandalf.  
  
"How can she be gone?" said Legolas.  
  
"Her horse and her pack have gone," said one of the guards. "And we've noticed a few of the provisions that were left out have now gone, also." Without a word, Gandalf turned and marched towards Pippin. Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas followed.  
  
"Who is the message from?" said Gandalf, the moment he reached Pippin. But Pippin was asleep. "Peregrin Took, wake up!" He stirred. "That message you spoke of, who was it from?" Pippin sat up.  
  
"It was from Christina," he said, drowsily.  
  
"What did she say?" said Aragorn.  
  
"She said she was sorry for everything she'd done to everyone."  
  
"Do you know where she's gone?" said Legolas. Pippin shook his head.  
  
"She wouldn't tell me," he replied. "She said if she did I'd tell you, but that she'd be safe where she was going. But I do know she's going to see Elves."  
  
"How do you know that, Pip?" said Merry.  
  
"She told me something, but said I wasn't allowed to tell anyone," said Pippin.  
  
"Well, I don't think she can do anything to you now," said Gandalf. Pippin looked uncertain but told them anyway.  
  
"Her great-grandmother was an Elf, so she's got elvish ancestry."  
  
"Lothlórien," said Aragorn.  
  
"What?" said Legolas.  
  
"I think she'll be heading for Lothlórien," said Aragorn. "If she wants to find out about her ancestors then she'll be going to see Lady Galadriel. It's my bet that the Lady of the Wood was the person who told her."  
  
"There was something else," said Pippin. They turned their attention back to him. "But I don't think I should say in front of everyone."  
  
"Did she tell you not to?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"No, but the message is only for one person."  
  
"Just say it, Pippin," said Merry. He looked around. Everyone was waiting for him to speak.  
  
"She said to say. to say that she loves Legolas." Everyone then turned their attention to the Elf. He looked completely shocked.  
  
"Me?" he said. "You're sure?"  
  
"100%," replied Pippin, "because that was my reaction. She said: 'Tell Legolas that I love him, OK? Tell him that for me.' And I said: 'But I thought.' and she said 'I know. It's what I wanted people to think.' And I've passed on the message now, so can you please stop questioning me." They had formed a tight circle around Pippin and were scaring him quite a bit.  
  
"Aragorn," said Legolas, "What are we to do?"  
  
"We cannot go after her, Legolas," said Aragorn. "Nor can you go alone."  
  
"But, anything could happen-"  
  
"Legolas, you are biased in this matter," said Aragorn, sternly. "I cannot take counsel from you. And I do not wish to. My duty is to Frodo and to help him destroy the One Ring, as is yours. It is not to chase after a girl who has not the mind to survey what is happening around her."  
  
"Aragorn is right, Legolas," said Gandalf. "Compared to tasks at hand this moment, she is not important."  
  
"She is a person and could be in danger," said Legolas. "In my book, that makes her important."  
  
"We don't even know where she has gone," said Aragorn. "My guess was only that. We must continue to aid this war, Legolas."  
  
"Legolas, think of who you're talking about," said Pippin, gently. "This is Christina, she can look after herself. She'll be all right." At that moment a shadow fell over them. The bright moonlight seemed to be cut off. Several of the Riders cried out and crouched, holding their arms above their heads, as if to ward off a blow from above: a blind fear and a deadly cold fell on them. Cowering they looked up. A vast Winged shape passed over the moon like a black cloud. It wheeled and went north, flying at a speed greater than any wind of Middle Earth. The stars fainted before it. It was gone.  
  
****************  
  
Piewacket was galloping across the plains of Rohan. Christina had seen the winged shadow and felt the deathly cold fall on her and had made the horse go a doubled pace. The fear she held if it was unlike any other she had ever felt before.  
  
Unbeknown to either of them, Aragorn was right. She was heading for Lothlórien and as far as Christina was concerned, she wouldn't get there a moment too soon.  
  
"I'm sorry, girl," whispered Christina to Piewacket, "but there will be no rest tonight. We must make haste and reach the woods of Lothlórien as quick as you can get us there." As if understanding her mistress, Piewacket pushed herself to limit and ran faster than she had ever done so before. Though she did not tire as easily as most, for she was a daughter of Shadowfax.  
  
********************  
  
A/N: Please read 'The fellowship of the Naz-girls' by Shesmaug the Guardian of Tears because 1) It's REALLY good and 2) I'm in it! Yay! No, but really, without being biased, it is a really good story line and what she's written so far is great!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	33. um dunno wot to call this chapter!

A/N: Short chapter and I'm going with the unrealistic travel times again. But I haven't just made them up this time. I worked out how long she had. oh, you'll soon find out anyway.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 33  
  
At dawn, on the fifth day of departing from Isengard, Christina reached Lothlórien. Even as Merry rode with Dernhelm to the aid of Minas Tirith, did the Lady Galadriel greet her.  
  
"Welcome, Cristaniel," said Galadriel.  
  
"Long has it been since anyone called me that," said Christina (she always felt the need to speak as well as she could when in the presence of Galadriel). They began to wander through the forest at their leisure. There was complete silence. It was different very to the turmoil she had been living in for longer than she cared to remember. Christina eventually broke the silence by sighing at her own foolishness.  
  
"Bearing my great-grandmother's name, I should have realised my ancestry. And what with my reflexes being as they are-"  
  
"But your ancestry is not the reason you have come here," interrupted Galadriel. Christina lowered her head.  
  
"No, it isn't," she said. "To be honest, I don't really know why I came here. I had to get away. I was of no use to anyone where I was. I thought, maybe, you might find it in your heart to let me stay here."  
  
"If I thought that that was what was best for you, then I would," said Galadriel. "But I do not. You need to settle the matters at hand with your friends for your thoughts of them could not be more wrong. You think they do not value you. You think they do not appreciate the help you give."  
  
"No, it isn't that," said Christina. "I don't feel as though I am giving them any help at all. I feel useless."  
  
"Do you know what I said to Frodo on our departure?" Christina shook her head. "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." Christina frowned with thought.  
  
"I do not understand," she said. "How is that to help me?"  
  
"It does not matter who you are, you can always make a difference," said the Lady of the Wood.  
  
"You mean to say that I am aiding them," said Christina, "just in ways that I cannot see?" Galadriel nodded. "But how am I ever to know if I am helping a person or not if I do not see it?"  
  
"The other person will let you know," said Galadriel. Christina cast her mind back to the night she left.  
  
////////////////  
  
"I'll miss you, Chrissy."  
  
"No you won't. You'll miss the fuss and attention I give you, you won't miss me."  
  
"No, I'll miss you."  
  
////////////////  
  
"You're right," she said, quietly. She turned to Galadriel. "I should not be here wallowing in self-pity, I should be with the fellowship. With my friends. Galadriel, what should I do? Where should I head for on leaving the Golden Wood?"  
  
"You should head for Minas Tirith, if you wish to play any part in this War before it is over," said Galadriel.  
  
"Have you an idea of how soon I will need to come there in order to do so?" said Christina.  
  
"Not long," replied Galadriel. "You have but 8 days from today to travel to Minas Tirith, if you are to meet with your friends in time."  
  
"8 days?" said Christina. "Can Piewacket manage such a strenuous journey? Indeed, if she can then she would not be able to participate immediately, for she would need rest. But I must try," she said, thinking aloud.  
  
"You have time enough to rest here for no more than an hour," said Galadriel. "Your horse will be seen to. We shall provide you with food enough to get you to Minas Tirith."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You must not tarry on your journey. Take as few halts as you can. It will be a difficult journey."  
  
"I know," said Christina. "But it will be worth it." 


	34. Reunited

Chapter 34  
  
"Come on, Piewacket, we're nearly there," said Christina. "Not much longer now." 'It can't be.' Christina admired her horses strength and determination. They had not rested now for nearly 10 hours, but not once had Piewacket's steps faltered with fatigue. Not once had she slowed her pace.  
  
It was nearing dawn on the seventh day. Well, it would be but for the heavy cloud that hung in the sky, blocking out all light. The world was in constant darkness now. But this also did not stir the horse, not did it affect the rider.  
  
She was an hours ride away from Minas Tirith, though she did not know it. Even as she rode, the army of the West was beginning to assemble on the Pelennor. They would march in two hours time.  
  
****************  
  
"You are troubled in mind, Legolas," said Gandalf.  
  
"I'm just thinking," he replied.  
  
"Need I ask what about?" said Gandalf, with a smile.  
  
"I still think we should have gone after her," said Legolas.  
  
"It is too late, Legolas," said Gandalf. "And it was then. Whatever has happened to her. we must focus our minds on the task at hand. When this is over, should hope come our way, you will have all the time in the world to pursue her."  
  
"Your words are of no comfort to me, Gandalf," said Legolas. "But I thank you." A messenger came running up to them.  
  
"Where is the Lord Aragorn?" he gasped.  
  
"Preparing for battle," said Gandalf. "What is the matter?"  
  
"Someone is coming," said the messenger. "Someone is riding across the Pelennor at a great speed." Legolas looked to Gandalf.  
  
"Servants of Sauron?" he asked.  
  
"Nay," said the messenger. "It is only one person. They shall be among us in no more than ten minutes."  
  
"Legolas, find Aragorn," said Gandalf. "I shall go to meet this traveller."  
  
***********  
  
"There it is, Piewacket!" said Christina, joyfully. "We're nearly there! Come on, girl! Keep going for five more minutes! I think we're just in time."  
  
As she reached the gates of Minas Tirith, she was met by Gandalf. She dismounted and stood before him.  
  
"Well, well," he said. "The wanderer returns. Is she here to stay, I wonder?"  
  
"Indeed I am," said Christina.  
  
"Legolas will be pleased," said Gandalf. Suddenly, for the first time since leaving, Christina remembered what she had asked Pippin to say. Her eyes widened.  
  
"Did Pippin.?" she said. Gandalf nodded. She started to laugh. "Well, bang goes my reputation."  
  
"Christina?" said a voice from behind Gandalf. They turned to see Aragorn. "Well, this is a surprise. I didn't expect to see you again."  
  
"And I the same," she laughed. "I was expecting to stay in Lothlórien but after a talk with the Lady Galadriel, I realised should be here. And I'm bloody exhausted."  
  
"So, you guessed right, Aragorn," sounded Legolas' voice from behind him. On hearing it, Christina lowered her head with embarrassment.  
  
"Evidently," said Aragorn. "We go forth in an hour, Christina, will you be joining us?" She lifted her head and looked at him.  
  
"No, I've decided I'm staying here," she said, sarcastically. "Of course I'm coming with you! I may be tired, but there's no way on Middle Earth you're stopping me from going with you!"  
  
"I had a feeling that might be the answer," said Aragorn. "Well, if you wish to so, you must go and rest now. When did you last sleep?"  
  
"About 11 hours ago," she said.  
  
"How many halts have you made since leaving Lothlórien?"  
  
"Seven, each one about ½ an hour long." Aragorn looked at her in amazement. "What? I had eight days to get here, I'm not exactly going to take a day off in the middle am I?"  
  
"Well, you are definitely in need of rest then," said Aragorn.  
  
"Actually I'm in more need of food."  
  
"Very well," said Aragorn. "One thing though, do you wish me to inform Master Peregrin of your arrival?"  
  
"Of course," she said. "I'm probably not going to get any sleep before we go, so yes if I could please see him before we do go I will be very grateful. It seems he remembered everything I told him to tell you."  
  
"He did," said Legolas.  
  
"I shall go," said Gandalf. "I need a word with the young hobbit, anyway."  
  
Aragorn took Christina to one of the tents that had been set up for him. They didn't have the time to take her anywhere else.  
  
"I'm sorry we can't get you anywhere more comfortable," said Aragorn. "But time presses."  
  
"This is fine," she said. "Like I said, it's food I need more than anything."  
  
"Is she in there?" said a voice from outside.  
  
"Yes," said another. The flap of the tent opened and Pippin came in.  
  
"Chrissy, you're back!" he said. He walked to her and hugged her.  
  
"Sure am," she said. "Thank you for delivering the messages."  
  
"Um, I, sort of, told them about the Elf thing as well," said Pippin.  
  
"I knew you would," she said. "It doesn't matter. I don't even know why I kept it a secret, it's not exactly big major whoa! is it? Wow, my great- gran was an Elf, such a big deal."  
  
"It could be for some," said a new voice.  
  
"O-oh, hi, Legolas," she said.  
  
"Do you want us to go?" said Aragorn. Christina paled slightly.  
  
"I. er, well. um." she stuttered.  
  
"Come on, Aragorn," said Pippin.  
  
"An hour," said Aragorn and they left, leaving Christina and Legolas alone. She looked at him, met his eye and quickly looked away again. She had no idea what to say. 


	35. Up close and personal

A/N: If this gets all icky and very Mary-sue-ish, I'm sorry. Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
Chapter 35  
  
"Why did you leave?" said Legolas, eventually.  
  
"I didn't feel as if I was helping anyone by being here," she replied, without looking at him. "I thought I'd be better off out of everyone's way."  
  
"Why Lothlórien?" he said.  
  
"Pippin told you about the lineage, didn't he?" Legolas nodded. "My great-grandmother was Galadriel's sister."  
  
"Her sister?" said Legolas, clearly very shocked. "I didn't know Galadriel had a sister."  
  
"She doesn't, well, not anymore," said Christina. "You know, the whole marrying a mortal thing. When she married my great-grandfather she had to give up her immortality. She's been dead quite a long time now, well, by my measure, anyway."  
  
"Well, that would explain most of things you've done or can do," said Legolas. She looked at him oddly.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, the amount of times you've done things quicker than most people can, that couldn't have been luck, that orange thing you can do-"  
  
"Orange thing?"  
  
"Yeah, you know, when we were at Tol Brandir, Aragorn commented on it. You were bouncing the orange on either side of your hand," he said.  
  
"Oh yeah," she said, when she finally remembered. "I don't have the memory of an Elf, though." There was an awkward silence.  
  
"Are you back for good?" said Legolas.  
  
"I think so," she said. "I didn't plan on coming back. But when Galadriel met me, we spoke for a while and she convinced me that I was needed here. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm sure Aragorn will think of something."  
  
"Of course you're needed," said Legolas. Christina blushed. "By all of us. Aragorn, the hobbits, Gandalf, Gimli and me. We all need you."  
  
"I'm sorry if I worried you," she said, "just taking off like that."  
  
"You're back now, that's the main thing," he said. He paused for moment then continued. "Did you mean what you said?"  
  
"What did I say?" she asked.  
  
"What you asked Pippin to tell me?" he said.  
  
"Oh, that," she said. "Yeah, I did."  
  
"Why did you never tell me?" he said.  
  
"I was ashamed to admit it," she said. "Don't take that offensively. It was nothing to do with you. I've always been this cold, stern girl that never showed any emotion apart from anger. Occasionally, I showed kindness, as you have seen with Pippin. But, generally, I got used to being hated and feared."  
  
"That doesn't sound like much of a life," said Legolas.  
  
"It wasn't," said Christina. "But it was my life."  
  
"Well, why don't you start again," said Legolas. "By the sounds of it, you can't apologise to everyone you've offended, but it'd be a start apologising to Éomer, for example." Christina smiled.  
  
"You know, I might just do that," she said. "Can you imagine Éomer's face when I say sorry?"  
  
"I'll have to be there," he said. "Even better, you could make it a public apology. In front of everyone." Christina laughed.  
  
"If all goes well with the battle, I'm going to do that," she said. "I'll stand up in front of everyone from home and make an apology, firstly, to Éomer, secondly, to Éowyn and lastly, to the people of Rohan."  
  
"It'll certainly be a change," said Legolas.  
  
"From now on," she said, "and you're a witness to me saying this, I'm not going to 1) deny my connection to Rohan, 2) be AS violent, because I won't be able to stop it altogether, 3) be cold and unforgiving and emotionless and 4) be evil to you all the time."  
  
"Well, I'm definitely remembering that last one," he said.  
  
"I'm going to be loving and kind," she said. Legolas raised an eyebrow. "OK, I'm going to be more loving and kind than I was before."  
  
"That's better," he said. "But can you please keep a bit of mercilessness in you until after the battle. Because if you suddenly decide in the middle of fighting that no living thing deserves to die, evil or not, you're probably going to die yourself."  
  
"Thanks, Legolas," she said.  
  
"Er. you're welcome," he replied. "For what?"  
  
"You've made me 'see the light', helping me change," she said.  
  
"No, you've done that yourself," he said, "you just needed a little guiding."  
  
"All the same," she said, "you're - now don't have a heart attack or anything, but you're a great friend."  
  
"Wow," he said. "I know you've decided to turn over a new leaf and everything, but are you sure you're feeling OK?"  
  
"I feel fine," she said.  
  
"You haven't gone blind and death, have you?" he asked, mock-worriedly. "Or are you delusional? Or all three?"  
  
"None of the above," she laughed.  
  
"Because this is me you're talking to," he said. "Me. Legolas. The person you've been finding any excuse - or no excuse - to hit for the past Eru knows how many months."  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, becoming serious again. "I've been a real bitch, haven't I?" Legolas nodded. "And all because I didn't want people to know that. Well, anyway."  
  
"You know, I really am starting to wonder whether I should take it personally that you don't want to admit it," said Legolas. She looked at him and blushed again.  
  
"I." she hesitated, "I love you, Legolas." 'YES!' he thought but what he actually said was:  
  
"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he said. She shook her head, walked over to him and held him. She started to laugh. "What?" he said, suspiciously.  
  
"Do you think I'll snap out of it, this time?" she said. "And then cut my foot on broken glass?"  
  
"Well, we could always test the theory," said Legolas. "But what were we doing?"  
  
"Oh, I remember that very well," she said and she kissed him. Right then, Aragorn walked in.  
  
"It's ti-," he said, then he noticed them. "Oh, sorry." They looked at him, then at each other and laughed.  
  
"It's alright," said Christina. "But it can't be time already," she added.  
  
"I'm afraid it is," said Aragorn. "We leave in ten minutes, and you have to get your horse ready."  
  
"Is she OK?" she asked. "Will she be all right for the journey? She's had very little rest since Lothlórien."  
  
"She's fine, amazingly," said Aragorn. "She's fit and raring to go. But she's a bit excitable at the moment and she's not letting anyone put on her bridle and saddle."  
  
"OK, I'm coming," she said. They got outside and sure enough, Piewacket was prancing round like she was on drugs and every time someone approached her, she danced out of their reach. When she saw Christina, she trotted over to her and immediately calmed.  
  
"What sort of trouble have you been causing?" Christina said. "Now come on, we've got to be going again, so that means you've got to have your bridle and saddle on."  
  
When Piewacket was finally saddled up, Christina mounted. Everyone waited for her to immediately ride up to the front but she didn't move. Instead, she surprised them.  
  
"Where am I to go, Aragorn? Which troop am I to ride with?" she said.  
  
"You will ride with us, of course," he replied. "Are you not a member of our fellowship?" She smiled and followed his lead.  
  
************  
  
A/N: There, I did it. They kissed because they're in love. This is now officially a Mary-Sue, but I don't care. And if you don't care either then there's no point in me even writing this, so I'm shutting up now. How rude! In the thesaurus, the two other words for 'elf' are 'imp' - Legolas is most definitely not impish - and 'goblin' - he's not evil either! Just thought I'd share my 'how rude'ness with you all. Moving on. Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. No, I don't read the thesaurus. I was looking up a word and 'elf' was on the same page, thank you very much! PPS. Let me know what you think I should change the title to, 'coz it has to be changed now 'coz it's a lie! 


	36. Off we pop to Mordor

Chapter 36  
  
At last the trumpets rang and the army began to move. Troop by troop, company by company, they wheeled and went off eastward. And long after they had passed away out of sight down the great road to the Causeway, Merry stood there. The last glint of the morning sun on spear and helm twinkled and was lost, and still he remained with bowed head and heavy heart, feeling friendless and alone.  
  
Ere noon the army came to Osgiliath. There, all the workers and craftsmen that could be spared were busy. The vanguard passed on through the ruins of Old Gondor, and over the wide River and, on up the long straight road that in high days had been made to run from the fair Tower of the Sun to the tall Tower of the Moon, which now was Minas Morgul in its accursed vale. Five miles beyond Osgiliath they halted, ending their first day's march. But the horsemen pressed on and ere evening they came to the Cross-roads and the great ring of trees and all was silent.  
  
"I don't like the quiet," said Christina. "It's too. quiet."  
  
"The only other person who would say something like that," laughed Aragorn, "is Pippin. 'The quiet is too quiet.' "  
  
"Well, it is," she said, defensively. "It's not a peaceful quiet, it's tense. Like something's stirring but they're not going to let it show yet."  
  
"I'm sure you'll be fine," said Aragorn. "You've got about seven thousand men surrounding you. Not that you need them to protect you," he added, quickly.  
  
"Well, if I was suddenly attacked by a company of orcs," said Christina, "I don't think I'd be able to hold them off on my own, would I? So, technically I do need them to protect me. Plus, it's quite a nice thought that I'm surrounded by about seven thousand strong, capable men." She smiled to herself for a moment, her eyes, sort of, glazed. Then she snapped out of the trance and turned back to him. "Good night." She lay down and closed her eyes. Aragorn turned to Legolas.  
  
"OK, Legolas, what did you do with the real Christina?" he asked  
  
"I'm not asleep, Aragorn," she said. "So be very careful."  
  
"That's better."  
  
On the third day since they set out from Minas Tirith, the army began its northward march along the road. It was some hundred miles by that way to the Morannon and what might befall them before they came so far none knew. They went openly but heedfully, with mounted scouts before them on the road and others on foot upon either side, especially on the eastern flank. There lay dark thickets and a tumbled land of rocky ghylls and crags, behind which the long grim slopes of Ephel Dúath clambered up.  
  
It was near the end of the fourth day from Minas Tirith when they met an offer of battle. For a strong force of Orcs and Easterlings attempted to take their leading companies in an ambush and that was the very place where Faramir had waylaid the men of Harad and the road went deep cutting through an out-thrurst of the eastward hills. But the Captains of the West were well warned by their scouts, skilled men from Henneth Annûn led by Mablung; and so the ambush was itself trapped. For horsemen went wide about westward and came up on the flank of the enemy and from behind and they were destroyed or driven east into the hills.  
  
The victory did little to hearten the captains, though it did hearten Christina.  
  
"See!" she said. "I told you. 'The quiet's too quiet' is what I said, and you said we'd be all right. But here we've just been attacked."  
  
"Christina, you said that three days ago," said Aragorn. She struggled to find something to say. When she couldn't, she frowned.  
  
"That's not the point," she said.  
  
"I'm not going to argue with you," he said.  
  
"Good," she replied. "Because I've got no argument to argue with, have I?"  
  
"Nope." She shook her head.  
  
"I'm losing my touch," she muttered.  
  
So time and hopeless journey wore away. Upon the sixth day from Minas Tirith they came at last to the end of the living lands and began to pass through the desolation that lay before the gates of the Pass of Cirith Gorgor. They could descry the marshes and the desert that stretched north and west to Emyn Muil. So desolate were those places and so deep the horror that lay on them that some of the host were unmanned and they could neither walk nor ride further north. And so, since many men had already been left at the Cross-roads, it was with less than six thousands that the Captains of the West came at last to challenge the Black Gate and the might of Mordor.  
  
On the seventh day from Minas Tirith, they came to the two cast iron doors of the Black Gate. Upon the battlement nothing could be seen. All was silent but watchful. They were come to the last end of their folly and stood forlorn and chill in the grey light of early day before the towers and walls, which their army could not assault with hope. They knew that the hills and rocks about the Morannon were filled with hidden foes. And as they stood they saw all the Nazgûl gathered together, hovering above the Towers of Teeth. But still the Enemy made no sign.  
  
No choice was left but to play their part to its end. Therefore Aragorn now set the host in such array as could best be contrived; and they were drawn up on two great hills of blasted stone and earth that the orcs had piled in years of labour. When all was ordered, the Captains rode forth towards the Black Gate with a great guard of horsemen and the banner and heralds and trumpeters. There was Gandalf as chief herald, and Aragorn with the two sons of Elrond, and Éomer of Rohan, and Imrahil; and Legolas and Gimli and Peregrin were bidden to go also, so that all the enemies of Mordor should have a witness.  
  
"What about-?" Christina began but then stopped. "Doesn't matter."  
  
"Then I'll say it," said Pippin. "What about Christina?" Aragorn looked at her, then at Pippin, then at Legolas and then sighed.  
  
"Come on, then," he said, resignation in his voice.  
  
"Yay! Thank you!" she said, whilst riding forward. "You won't regret it."  
  
"I'd better not," he said. They came within cry of Morannon and unfurled the banner and blew upon their trumpets (A/N: O_o); and the heralds stood out and sent their voices up over the battlement of Mordor.  
  
"Come forth!" they cried. "Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Justice shall be done upon him. For wrongfully he has made war upon Gondor and wrested its lands. Therefore the King of Gondor demands that he should atone for his evils and then depart forever. Come forth!" There was a long silence and no cry or sound was heard in answer. But Sauron had already laid his plans. So it was that, even as the Captains were about to turn away, the silence was broken. There came a long rolling of great drums like thunder in the mountains. And thereupon the middle door of the Black Gate was thrown open with a great clang and out of it there came an embassy from the Dark Tower. 


	37. Ooh shit, not good

A/N: This chapter is probably going to be fairly long because I'm going to finish it at the end of the chapter in the book.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 37  
  
At it's head there rode a tall and evil shape, mounted upon a black horse, if it was a horse; for it was huge and hideous, and its face was a frightful mask, more like a skull than a living head, and in the sockets of its eyes and its nostrils there burned a flame. The Rider was robed all in black and black was his lofty helm; yet this was no Ringwraith but a living man: the Lieutenant of the Tower of Barad-Dûr.  
  
"I am the Mouth of Sauron," he said. He now rode out and with him came only small company of black-harnessed soldiery and a single banner, black but bearing on it in red the Evil Eye. Now halting a few paces before the Captains of the West he looked them up and down and laughed.  
  
"Is there anyone in this rout with authority to treat with me?" he asked. "Or indeed with the wit to understand me? Not thou at least!" he mocked, turning to Aragorn with scorn. "It needs more than a piece of elvish glass, or a rabble such as this. Why, any brigand of the hills can show as good a following!" Aragorn said naught, but he took the other's eye and held it, and for a moment they strove thus; but soon, though Aragorn did not stir nor move hand to weapon, the other quailed and gave back as if menaced by a blow.  
  
"I am a herald and ambassador and may not be assailed!" he cried.  
  
"Some ambassador," called Christina. "You can't even stare someone out."  
  
"Where such laws hold," said Gandalf, ignoring Christina, "it is also the custom for ambassadors to use less insolence. But no one has threatened you."  
  
"Yep," said Christina. "You're just a wimp."  
  
"Christina," hissed Gandalf.  
  
"What?" she said, innocently. "I'm only speaking the truth."  
  
"Well, don't!" said Gandalf.  
  
"I'm lost," said the Messenger. "Who's the spokesman here?"  
  
"I am," said Gandalf.  
  
"OK," said the Lieutenant. "So! Then thou art the spokesman, old greybeard? Have we not heard of thee at whiles and of thy wanderings, ever- hatching plots and mischief at a safe distance? But this time thou hast stuck thy nose out to far, Master Gandalf; and thou shalt see what comes-"  
  
"Look," said Christina. "Can we just cut to the chase, please? Because, frankly, I'm getting, kind of, bored." That through the Messenger out a little because, like most men, he wasn't used to backchat from women. In fact, he hadn't even seen a woman in a very long time.  
  
"Er. yes," he said. "I have tokens that I was bidden to show to thee - to thee in especial, if thou shouldst dare to come." He signed to one of his guards and he came forward bearing a bundle swathed in black cloths. He put the cloths aside showed them Sam's sword, an elven cloak and broach and Frodo's mithril coat. Pippin, who stood behind Prince Imrahil, sprang forward with a cry of grief.  
  
"Silence!" said Gandalf, sternly, thrusting him back; but the Messenger laughed aloud.  
  
"So you have yet another of these imps with you!" he cried. All that stood by her heard Christina give a low growl. "What use you find in them I cannot guess; but to send them as spies to Mordor is beyond even your accustomed folly. Still, I thank him, for it is plain that this brat at least-"  
  
"BRAT!" cried Christina, who was struggling in the grips of Imrahil and Legolas. "I'll give you brat! Let me go for just one second and I'll-"  
  
"Christina!" barked Gandalf. "If you cannot control yourself then you are going to have to go back!" She stopped struggling and glared at Gandalf. "Thank you." He looked once more to the Messenger. "You were saying?"  
  
"Yes, er. the tokens," he said. Christina certainly had the knack of throwing him off course. "It is plain that he has seen these tokens before and it would be vain for you to deny them now."  
  
"I do not wish to deny them," said Gandalf. "Indeed, I know them all and all their history and despite your scorn, foul Mouth of Sauron, you cannot say as much. But why do you bring them here?"  
  
"Dwarf-coat, elf-cloak, blade of the downfallen West and a spy from the little rat-land of the Shire-" Imrahil and Legolas grabbed her arms before she even moved "- nay do not start! We know it well - here are the marks of a conspiracy. Now, maybe he that bore these things was a creature that you would not grieve to lose and maybe otherwise: one dear to you, perhaps? Dear to her it seems, if her actions are taken into account. If so, take swift counsel with what little wit is left to you. For Sauron does not love spies and what his fate shall be depends now on your choice." No one answered him, but he saw their faces grey with fear (well, except Christina's; she was just plain angry) and horror in their eyes and he laughed again. "Good, good!" he said. "He was dear to you, I see. And now he shall endure the slow torment of years, as long and slow as our arts in the Great Tower con contrive. This shall surely be - unless you except my Lord's terms."  
  
"Name the terms," said Gandalf steadily, but those nearby saw the anguish in his face and now he seemed an old and wizened man, crushed, defeated at last. They did not doubt he would accept.  
  
And so, the Messenger reeled off many things to which they must agree. When he has finished, the army of the West waited in sorrow to here Gandalf accept the terms. But he did not.  
  
"This is much to demand for the delivery of one servant: that your Master should receive in exchange what he must else fight many a war to gain! Or has the field of Gondor destroyed his hope in war, so that he falls to haggling? And if indeed this prisoner is so high, what surety have we that Sauron the Base Master of Treachery, will keep his part? Where is the prisoner? Let him be brought forth and yielded to us, and then we will consider these demands." The Messenger laughed.  
  
"Do not bandy words in your insolence with the Mouth of Sauron!" he cried.  
  
"Our insolence?" said Christina. "Hmmm, you know, that's quite funny, because YOU'RE SOUNDING LIKE THE PRICK TO ME!"  
  
"Christina!" said Legolas, shocked at her outburst, and Imrahil just stared in disbelief.  
  
"What? He is." She turned to the Messenger. "You may continue." The Messenger really wasn't enjoying this at all. Three times now she had thrown him of target.  
  
"What was I saying?" he said.  
  
"I asked for surety," said Gandalf.  
  
"Oh, yes. Surety you crave! Sauron gives none. If you sue for his clemency you must first do his bidding. These are his terms. Take them or leave them!"  
  
"These we will take!" said Gandalf suddenly. He cast aside his cloak and a white light shone forth like a sword in that black place. Before his upraised hand the foul Messenger recoiled, and Gandalf coming seized and took from him the tokens: blade, cloak and coat.  
  
"These we will take in memory of our friend," cried Gandalf. "But as for your terms, we reject them utterly. Get you gone, for your embassy is over and death is near you. We did not come here to waste words treating with Sauron, faithless and accursed; still less with one of his slaves. Begone!"  
  
Then the Messenger laughed no more. His face was twisted with amazement and anger to the likeness of some wild beast that, as it crouches on its prey, is smitten of the muzzle with a stinging rod. Rage filled him, but he looked upon the Captains of the West and their deadly eyes and fear overcame his wrath. He gave a great cry and turned, leaped upon his steed and with his company galloped back to Cirith Gorgor. But as they went his soldiers blew their horns (A/N: O_o Shall I quit that now?) in signal long arranged; and even before they came to the gate, Sauron sprang his trap.  
  
Drums rolled and fires leaped up. The great doors of the Black Gate were swung back wide. Out of it streamed a great host as swiftly as swirling waters when a sluice is lifted. The Captains mounted again and rode back and from the host of Mordor there went up great jeering yell. Dust rose smothering the air, as from nearby there marched up an army of Easterlings that had waited for the signal in the shadows of Ered Lithiu beyond the further Tower. Orcs innumerable poured down either side of the Morannon. The men of the West were trapped.  
  
Little time was left to Aragorn for the ordering of his battle. Upon the one hill he stood with Gandalf and there fair and desperate was raised the banner of the Tree and Stars. Upon the other hill hard by stood the banners of Rohan and Dol Amroth, White Horse and Silver Swan. And about each hill a ring was made facing all ways, bristling with spear and sword. But in front towards Mordor where the first bitter assault would come there stood the sons of Elrond on the left with the Dúnedain about them and on the right the Prince Imrahil with the men of Dol Amroth tall and fair and picked men of the Tower of Guard.  
  
The wind blew and trumpets sang, and arrows whined; but the sun now climbing towards the South was veiled in the reeks of Mordor and through a threatening haze it gleamed, remote, a sullen red, as if it were the ending of a day, or the end maybe of all the world of light. And out of the gathering mirk the Nazgûl came with their cold voices crying words of death; and then all hope was quenched.  
  
"Ooh, shit," said Christina. "Not good."  
  
************  
  
A/N: I wasn't that long, then. Oh well. Wel, here we are. Anotha day anotha reviewer note sesh: (empty): Well, if u gave me a proper name I wudn't have to call you the cute one wud I? Edaime: I aim to pleez Chel aka Elf Goldfish Cracker: My mate was laughin at your review, so was I! HOW DARE U DESTROY CHRISSY! That's my job! J/K And I'm sorry, no I cant kill her off.. Sanely Challenged: Thank you for reassuring me! She is by far not perfect! But it's stil mary-sue-ish! Slicer: I was slightly worried about the first review, but then I was relieved. And I wud actually like Legolas to hav me on the ground! Freja: Hi! Its Noodles!!! Loz loves the review and says she wil re-read the chapters. C U @ skool! Luvs Noodles! Chrissie: I'm glad u liked it! MJ sent me the song fic and it was really gud! Wel dun! KarateElf: Why thank you! Lyncorath (aka Guardian): Go u for the cool story! Get writing! And thanks for the compliment!  
  
Princess Joy: Moley moley Merry indeed! Bye bye! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	38. Excuse me! Could you repeat that please,...

A/N: Tafi, I've skipped a bit again, hope your life can continue!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 38  
  
"Stand, Men of the West!" shouted Gandalf, in a clear voice.  
  
"Excuse me!" sounded Christina's voice across the battlefield. "Could you repeat that please, you chauvinistic pig?!"  
  
"Christina!" shouted Legolas.  
  
"Oh, don't start!" she replied.  
  
"Stand, 'People' of the West!" he shouted.  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
"Stand and wait! This is the hour of doom." And even as he spoke the earth rocked beneath their feet. Then rising swiftly up, far above the Towers of the Black Gate, high above the mountains, a vast darkness sprang into the sky, flickering with fire. The earth groaned and quaked. The Towers of Teeth swayed, tottered and fell down; a mighty rampart crumbled; the Black Gate was hurled in ruin.  
  
"The realm of Sauron is ended!" said Gandalf. "The Ring-bearer has fulfilled his Quest." The Captains bowed their heads; and when they looked up again, behold! their enemies were flying the power of Mordor was scattering like dust in the wind. The creatures of Sauron ran hither and thither mindless, but the Men of Rhûn and of Harad, Easterling and Southron, sae ruin of their war and the great majesty and glory of the Captains of the West. And those that were deepest and longest in evil servitude, hating the West, and yet were men proud and bold, in their turn now gathered themselves for a last stand of desperate battle, annoying Christina a lot.  
  
"Can't you take a hint?" she cried. "You've lost! Game over! Kaput! Give. Up!"  
  
Then Gandalf, leaving all such matters of battle and command to Aragorn and the other lords, stood upon the hill-top and called; and down to him came the great eagle, Gwaihir the Windlord, and stood before him.  
  
"Twice you have borne me, Gwaihir my friend," said Gandalf. "Thrice shall pay for all, if you are willing. You will not find me a burden much greater than when you bore me from Zirak-zigil, where my old life burned away."  
  
"I would bear you," answered Gwaihir, "whither you will, even were you made of stone."  
  
"Then come, and let your brother go with us and some other of your folk who is most swift! For we have need of speed greater than any wind, outmatching the wings of the Nazgûl."  
  
"The North wind blows, but we shall outfly it," said Gwaihir. And he lifted up Gandalf and sped away south. Christina watched with anger.  
  
"And where the hell does he think he's going?" she said, indignantly.  
  
"To get Frodo and Sam," said Aragorn.  
  
"That's not the point!" she said. "He should be helping us!"  
  
"Well, it's not as if we're really short of people to fight, is it?"  
  
"That's not the point either!"  
  
"Just fight, Christina."  
  
And so it was that, through the gloom of Mount Doom, Gwaihir saw Frodo and Sam, hand in hand upon a little hill, while the world shook under them. And even as he espied them and came swooping down, he saw them fall, worn out or choked with fumes and heat or stricken down by despair at last, hiding their eyes from death. Sided by side they lay; and down swept Gwaihir and down came Landroval and Meneldor the swift; and in dream, not knowing what fate had befallen them, the wanderers were lifted up and borne far away out of the darkness and the fire.  
  
Sam awoke, and he found that he was lying on some soft bed, but over him gently swayed wide beechen boughs, and through their young leaves sunlight glimmered, green and gold. All the air full of a sweet mingled scent. He remembered that smell: the fragrance of Ithilien. And when all questions were answered that could be, Gandalf led Sam and Frodo to the King.  
  
"The King?" said Sam. "What King, and who is he?"  
  
"The King of Gondor and Lord of the Western Lands," said Gandalf and he said no more. They passed through the trees and were greeted and hailed by many knights in bright mail and tall guards in silver and black standing there. Finally, they were brought before the King and to their wonder they knew him at once. Frodo ran to meet him and Sam followed close behind.  
  
"Well, if that isn't the crown of all!" said Sam. "Strider, or I'm still asleep!"  
  
"Yes, Sam, Strider," said Aragorn. "It is a long way, is it not, from Bree, where you did not like the look of me? A long way for us all, but yours has been the darkest road." And so, Aragorn proclaimed their honour and sang their tale.  
  
And at last, as the sun fell from the noon and the shadows of the trees lengthened, he ended.  
  
"Praise them with great praise!" he said and knelt. And then Aragorn stood up and the entire host arose and they passed to the pavilions made ready, to eat and drink and make merry (A/N: I know I said I'd stop but that is just too gross!) while the day lasted. Frodo and Sam were led apart and brought to a tent and they changed into clean linen.  
  
When they were arrayed they went to the great feast; and they were sat at the King's table with Gandalf and King Éomer of Rohan and Prince Imrahil and all the chief captains; and there also were Gimli and Legolas and Christina.  
  
Once the Standing Silence was through, they set about eating, though before doing so Christina wished to make an announcement.  
  
"Aragorn, can I say that thing now?" she said. Aragorn nodded. HE stood up and got the attention of the assembly.  
  
"Over to you," he said, as he sat back down.  
  
"I wish to make an announcement," she said. Her voice was shaking with nerves. "Well, actually it's an apology. And it's an apology on three parts. Firstly, I wish to apologise to King Éomer of Rohan. I'm really sorry, I've been a proper bitch and I swear I'm going to stop it. Secondly, to Éowyn, Lady of Rohan. I'm really sorry I said what I did. I didn't mean to say it. I must have been drunk or something at the time because I'm just as much of slut as - well, I didn't mean to say it, so I'm sorry OK? Sorry. And thirdly, to the people of Rohan. I'm sorry for scaring you, I'm sorry for being horrible. In Bilbo's words: I'm sorry for everything." She looked around the pavilion. "OK, I'm done now." She sat back down quickly. There was complete silence. Legolas suddenly stood up and started applauding, though no one joined in. 'Stupid fool' thought Aragorn.  
  
"Ahem," he said aloud. Suddenly the room burst into rounds of applause. Christina wasn't happy. She grabbed Legolas' hand and pulled him so he sat back down.  
  
"We'll talk about this later," she hissed.  
  
*************  
  
A/N: Um, OK, er. well, that was kind of crud, but oh well. Reviewer notes:  
  
Alessandra: Go forth and make little wordlets?! Lolz! I luvved that, as did my mate! Thank you very much for 1) a great laugh and 2) the title, as you can see it's now called that. And I'm definitely going to read 'Oh God, not *you*'!  
  
Sanely Challenged: Aww, thanx! That made me feel better. Yes, it was cheesy, but oh well!  
  
Lest: Can you not read? It HAS changed!  
  
SheSmaug the Guardian of Tears: disaponied? Was that meant to be disappointed? And I know you are, you already told me! I'm still in your debt, btw.  
  
Phoewise Prefect: Um... I apologise in advance.  
  
twinkssparklygirl: Your offer was whenever I feel like skipping parts to go ahead. Um. luvvy, you might want to re-read chapter 17 (she dyes her hair!) And faces? What faces? Pardon? I'm confused. That happens very easily. What faces lighten up the otherwise very dark part of the story? Eh?  
  
Princess Joy: Well, she could never change drastically! This is Chrissy we're talking about. However hard she tries to change, she will always have the bitchiness in her. She can do a good job of keeping it hidden around her friends but she will tolerate NO hobbit-bashing!  
  
Sorry this chapter was a bit crap! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	39. Comings, goings and a bit of a surprise

Chapter 39  
  
On the eighth of May the Riders of Rohan made ready and rode off by the North-way and with them went the sons of Elrond. All the road was lined with people to do them honour and praise them, from the Gate of the City to the walls of the Pelennor. But before doing so, Christina wished to say goodbye to her friends. She asked Aragorn to gather the fellowship together.  
  
"I'm going back to Rohan with the rest of my people," she said.  
  
"But, Chrissy." said Pippin.  
  
"I'm coming back, Pip," she said quickly, before he had a chance to say anything further. "I promise you that much. But, there is much that must be done at home. We are going to make preparations for the burial of Théoden, and we must return for him. But I wished to say goodbye to you before I left," she said. "I'll miss you all." She looked to Gandalf. "Yes, you too, though I think I've only spoken to you all of about twice, have I?"  
  
"That's a bit of an understatement, Christina," said Gandalf. "It's more like three times,"  
  
"We'll miss you, too," said Merry. She looked at him, slightly shocked, and smiled.  
  
"I'm sure you will," she said, a slight edge of sarcasm in her voice. "Don't miss me too much, will you?"  
  
"We'll try," said Legolas. "But we can't make any promises."  
  
"Well, I'll miss you in particular," she said. "Who am I going to use as my punch-bag while I'm gone?"  
  
"Nice to see how much you care," he said.  
  
"You know I'm only joking," she said. From outside they heard the last orders being given out before the parting. She glanced over her shoulder. "Well, I think it's time for me to leave," she said. And with that she hugged and kissed the foreheads of the hobbits, a kiss on the cheek and a hug for Aragorn and Gandalf, a reluctant hug for Gimli and a long, full kiss and a tight embrace for Legolas (causing the hobbits to turn away in disgust).  
  
"Farewell," she said, as she rode off. When they had finally rode out of sight, Pippin sighed.  
  
"She promised she would return, Pippin," said Aragorn, "and Christina does not strike me as the sort of person to break her promises."  
  
"It's not that," he said, miserably. "I've got to go for ages now without anybody giving a damn about me." Aragorn shook his head.  
  
"You've definitely got your priorities sorted, haven't you?" he laughed. "Look, I'm sure Legolas will be more than willing to listen to you talk about her if you ask him nicely." Pippin bore a look of uncertainty.  
  
"As long as he only listens," said Pippin. "I don't want to be sickened with details."  
  
"Like I'd tell you," said Legolas. "Not that there's anything to tell."  
  
The hobbits remained in Minas Tirith, with Legolas and Gimli; for Aragorn was loth for the fellowship to be dissolved.  
  
"At last all such things must end," he said, "but I would have you wait a little while longer: for the end of deeds that you have shared in has not yet come. A day draws near that I have looked for in all the years of my manhood-"  
  
"Pardon?" said Pippin. He wasn't listening and was nearly asleep when he heard the word 'manhood' "We don't want to know about your manhood!" Aragorn frowned, though it took a lot of will power not to laugh.  
  
"You've been hanging round Christina too long," he said. 'I'll have to tell her that one," he thought. "And I was not talking about THAT manhood. Had you been listening, you'd have realised I was talking about my adult years. As I was saying, A day draws near and when it comes I would have my friends beside me."  
  
It was the day before Midsummer when messengers came from Amon Dîn to the City and they said that there was a riding of fair folk out of the North and they drew near now to the walls of the Pelennor. And the King said: "At last they have come. Let all the City be made ready!" Upon the very Eve of Midsummer did the 'fair folk' arrive. And Aragorn the King Elessar wedded Arwen Undómiel in the City of Kings upon the day of Midsummer.  
  
Three days later Éomer of Rohan came riding to the City and with him came an éored of the finest knights. Aragorn and his Queen and his Companions and the people of Minas Tirith were all there to welcome them.  
  
"She is not here," said Legolas, sorrowfully.  
  
"But she promised she would," said Pippin.  
  
"Do you see her anywhere?" said Legolas.  
  
"No, but-"  
  
"But, I think you two need your eyes tested," sounded a voice from behind them. They turned to see Christina standing there, though it took them a moment to realise it, for now she had golden hair.  
  
"Chrissy?" said Pippin.  
  
"Yes, that's my name," she said. "Well, this is a fine welcome."  
  
"Your hair," said Legolas.  
  
"Oh, right," she said, "so that's why you're both standing there, gawping. I was beginning to think I'd grown an extra head or something." Pippin snapped out of the trance he was in and hugged Christina.  
  
"Welcome back," he said, enthusiastically.  
  
"Thank you," she said. She looked at Legolas who was still standing there, watching. "You look like you've never seen golden hair before."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, "you just look so different."  
  
"Well, it's staying this way from now on," she said. "It was getting annoying having to do my roots all the time and I no longer deny my connection to Rohan, which was the main reason for dying it." He walked over to her.  
  
"If you two are going to get all icky and romantic," said Pippin, "then I'm off!" He disappeared hastily. Legolas laughed.  
  
"Well, we now have a fool proof way of getting rid of the hobbits," he said. She held him close. She closed her eyes and sighed. She wished she didn't have to do this, but she had no other choice. It wasn't fair.  
  
"Legolas," she said, "can we go somewhere a little quieter, I need to tell you something."  
  
************  
  
A/N: Ooh, what's she going to tell him? Well, read on and you'll find out!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. In the film, why is Boromir always the person to comfort Gimli? Should we start worrying? PPS. Reviewer notes:  
  
Åsa: Wow! U read all 37 chapters straight through? Well if the story is as funny as peeps say it is then u must be on the verge of suffocation! And thanx for reassurance! As it turns out your not the only person to say u don't care she's a Mary-Sue, but thanx anyway! Sorry I didn't write her reaction. I tried but I really wasn't happy with it so I gave up!  
  
Princess Joy: I think I already said this but I aim to please! Glad u liked! Rebekka: Quit stressing! I'm here updating now aren't I? Got two chapters for you today! Sanely Challenged: I'm on your favs list? Aww, bless you! And here's two chapters for u! Starry Elf Child: A couple of peeps have mentioned it in passing but thanx anyway! On I go then! Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	40. Christina OOC sorry peeps!

A/N: I know, it's probably the oldest excuse going, but it makes for a better story line than I had before! And it's very soppy. Please don't flame my lack of creativity.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 40  
  
"Christina, what is the matter?" said Legolas. They had found a small, unoccupied room so that Christina could tell him what she wanted to say and now she trying (unsuccessfully) not to cry. He went to take her hand but she pulled away.  
  
"Please don't, Legolas" she said. "Just let me say what I must." He looked slightly hurt, but she couldn't tell. She wouldn't look him in the face. She sat down on a wooden stool and hung her head. "This can't continue, Legolas," she said, eventually.  
  
"What do you mean?" he replied.  
  
"Us, me and you, our relationship," she said. "I don't care what you want to call it, it must end."  
  
"Why?" he said. "Are you not happy? Do you not love me?"  
  
"Yes, of course I love you and I'm over the moon," she said. "I have never been happier in my life than when I'm with you, Legolas but-"  
  
"Then why stop it?" he said.  
  
"It's not right," she said.  
  
"Why?" he said, again. "What's not right about it? We love each other and that is all that matters."  
  
"No, that's not all that matters," she said. "Look at me, a woman of Rohan, young yet, but soon to age. And you, you're an Elf! You're graceful, intelligent, handsome. immortal."  
  
"Is that what this is about?" he said. "The fact I am immortal."  
  
"Yes," she said. "That's what it's about. I had a chance to stop and think when I was on my own. And do you know what the first thing I thought was? Why would he want me? You could have your pick of anyone. You could have any beautiful Elf maiden you wished. And she would be someone who you could share your gifts with and you could last out your days together."  
  
"But I don't want any beautiful Elf maiden," said Legolas. "It's you that I want. I do not wish to 'last out my days', as you put it, with anyone but you. I love you, Christina, and no words you can say will change that."  
  
"You love me now," she said. "But what happens 35 years down the line? I'm not going to look like this forever, Legolas. I will age but you will forever stay young."  
  
"I do not care, Christina," he said. "Were Gandalf to turn you into a dwarf this instant, I would not care, because I love you for you. I will admit that I am physically attracted to you, and that has been the main attraction for the most part of our journey, but now I have also seen the kindness you can show, and I love you even more."  
  
"But I do, Legolas," she said. "Forgive me if this sounds selfish, but how do you think I will feel, everyday seeing the youth you retain through the gift of your race? Knowing that I'm getting older and do not bear such a gift? When I am twice my present age, I do not want to be some random decision you made that you wished you hadn't."  
  
"I would never think that," he said. He stood silent for a moment and then continued. "Christina, may I ask you a question? I think your answer could determine the answer to the problem."  
  
"Go ahead," she said,  
  
"Do you truly love me?" he said. "For the moment, forgetting all your fears, forgetting all the obstacles you are putting in our path, put all problems aside. Do you love me enough to say that would you wish to spend the rest of your life with me?"  
  
"Yes, but-" she began.  
  
"Then why does any of this matter?" he said. "If you truly love me, as I do you, then what does it matter if I am immortal and you are not? I would give up my immortality for you, Christina, without a second thought. I would give my own life for you."  
  
"You say that," she said.  
  
"And mean it," he said. "Christina, I do not want to live without you. But if you wish to leave, I cannot stop you. If this is what you truly want, I will not stop you. There is the door. Take it, if you wish to leave me broken." She looked at him and then to the door. She stood up, the tears were now freely rolling down her face, but did not yet move. Her mind told her to take the door, yet her heart told her otherwise. She took a deep breath and walked quickly to Legolas, throwing her arms around his neck.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she said, weeping into his shoulder.  
  
"Don't be," he said. "But why did you think any of that?"  
  
"Being away gave me time to think, as I said. I'm so sorry I doubted you," she said. "I just kept having these nightmare visions that you'd get bored with me and decide to go with someone else. I wouldn't blame you if you did. That's why I tried to finish it."  
  
"You can't get rid of me that easily," he said. She laughed, feebly.  
  
"I'll never try to again," she said.  
  
"Good," he said, "because you'd never win. I'm stubborn as hell when I'm certain about something."  
  
"I noticed," she said. He lifted her head, wiped away her tears and he leant forward and kissed her. Then, Aragorn walked in.  
  
"There yo-" he said, and then he noticed them. "Oh, sorry." They started to laugh.  
  
"You've got a habit of doing that, haven't you?" said Christina.  
  
"Sorry," said Aragorn. "It's just you both suddenly disappeared. We've been looking for you for a while."  
  
"We were." started Legolas.  
  
". catching up," said Christina.  
  
"Evidently," said Aragorn. "But, you can finish catching up tonight. For now, I would like you to come with me, back to civilisation. Pippin's out of his mind from lack of attention. Cristaniel."  
  
"You heard, then," she said. "Well, I don't mind what you call me. Cristaniel or Christina. But leave Chrissy to Pippin, I think he likes to think he's special if he's the only one saying it."  
  
"Very well," said Aragorn. "But now you must come with me. I think Pippin might explode if we wait any longer." Christina laughed again.  
  
"OK, I'm coming," she said. As she walked towards the door, she had her back to both of them, Aragorn gave Legolas a look saying 'Is she all right? I can see she's been crying.' Legolas gave a brief nod and followed her. 


	41. Chrissy's back to normal!

A/N: ARGH! I'm confused! Yes, that happens very easily, but bear with me here. OK, so, Chrissie liked it, Mary-Sues are good for her, Sanely Challenged didn't think she was too OOC and someone else (I forget who at the moment! Sorry!) thought she was completely OOC and wants her back to the bitchiness... WHAT DO I DO??? Who do I play up to? I personally think I should go for middlin'. Still lovey with Leggers but still with the bitchiness. And if you don't like that, TOUGH! I can't please everyone, dammit! Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. This chapter doesn't get funny until towards the end, just in case you start wondering if it ever gets funny. PPS. PLEASE READ A NEW ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been updating again recently but no one has noticed except Guardian of Tears and Chrissie! So please read it!  
  
Chapter 41  
  
The day of departure arrived, and a great and fair company made ready to ride north from the City. Then the kings of Gondor and Rohan went to the Hallows and they came to the tombs of Rath Dínen and they bore King Théoden upon a golden bier and passed through the City in silence. Then they laid the bier upon the a great wain with Riders of Rohan all about it and his banner borne before; and Merry being Théoden's esquire rode upon the wain and kept the arms of the king. (A/N: O_o that's just plain weird!)  
  
For the other Companions steeds were furnished according to their stature; and Frodo and Samwise rode at Aragorn's side, and Gandalf rode upon Shadowfax, and Pippin rode with the knights of Gondor (A/N: Yay! Go Pip!); and Legolas and Gimli rode together upon Arod and as ever Christina rode Piewacket.  
  
In that riding went also Queen Arwen, and Celeborn and Galadriel with their folk, and Elrond and his sons; and the princes of Dol Amroth and of Ithilien, and many captains and knights. Never had any king of the Mark such company on the road as they went with Théoden Thengel's son to the land of his home. (A/N: I should hope not after making me copy all that!!!)  
  
At length after fifteen days of journey the wain of King Théoden passed through the green fields of Rohan and came to Edoras; and there they all rested. After three days Théoden was buried. (A/N: That's minging! Leaving a dead guy around because you can't be arsed to bury him yet! He was already Eru knows how many months dead!)  
  
When the burial was over and the weeping of women (including Christina, to the amazement of all) was stilled, and Théoden was left at last alone in his barrow, then folk gathered to the Golden Hall for the great feast and put away sorrow; for Théoden had lived full years and ended in honour no less than the greatest of his sires. And when the time came that in the custom of the Mark they should drink to the memory of the kings, Éowyn Lady of Rohan came forth, golden as the sun and white as snow, and bore a filed cup to Éomer. Then a minstrel and loremaster stood up and named all the names of the Lords of the Mark in their order. When Théoden was named Éomer drained the cup. Then Éowyn bade those that served to fill the cups and all there assembled rose and drank to the new king.  
  
"Hail, Éomer, King of the Mark!" cried the gathering, some with more feeling than others.  
  
"I'm bored," whispered Christina, to Legolas. "This is boring. I hate these bloody funeral feasts. They're exactly the same every single time. Though not always with the kings."  
  
"I thought you were no longer going to bitch about Rohan," said Legolas, in a bemused tone.  
  
"I never said that," she corrected. "What I said was I'm no longer going to deny I'm from Rohan. There's a difference."  
  
"Therefore," proclaimed Éomer, cutting off their conversation, "they shall be trothplighted. Thus is the friendship of the Mark and of Gondor bound with a new bond and the more I do rejoice."  
  
"No niggard (A/N: O_o Pardon?) are you, Éomer," said Aragorn, "to give thus to Gondor the fairest thing in realm."  
  
"Huh, fairest?" said Christina, barely audible. But Legolas heard her.  
  
"Now you definitely said you'd stop that," he said.  
  
"Oh yeah, sorry," she said. "Hard to break the habit."  
  
When the feast was over, those who were to go took leave of the King Éomer. Aragorn and his knights, and the people of Lórien and of Rivendell, made ready to ride; but Faramir and Imrahil remained at Edoras; and Arwen Evenstar remained also, and she said farewell to her brethren.  
  
Now the guests were ready and they drank the stirrup-cup and with great praise and friendship they departed, and came at length to Helm's Deep and there they rested two days. Then Legolas repaid his promise to Gimli and went with him to the Glittering Caves.  
  
"Um, Christina, I promised Gimli I'd go to see these caves with him, and." he said.  
  
"I know, I heard you make the deal," said Christina. "You don't have to ask my permission, you know. In case you've forgotten, you're a grown ma- er, Elf and you're about 3,000 years older than me. I don't think I really could stop you, even if I tried."  
  
"I know, but I didn't want to leave you on your own," he said.  
  
"Legolas this is something that you promised Gimli," she said. "He's your Erudamn bloody best friend! And besides, I've got Pippin."  
  
"If you're sure," he said.  
  
"Go," she said, getting slightly annoyed. When they returned, Legolas was silent and would only say that Gimli alone could find fit words to speak of them.  
  
"That bad, huh?" said Christina. Gimli shot her a dark look. "I was joking. Eru, get a sense of humour."  
  
"Anyway, now therefore," said Gimli, "let us go to Fangorn and set the score right!"  
  
From the Deeping-Coomb they rode to Isengard, though they all found themselves wishing they hadn't met Treebeard. He was ranting. And he wasn't shutting up.  
  
"For there was a great inrush of those, burárum, those evileyed- blackhanded-bowlegged-flinthearted-clawfingered-foulbellied-bloodythirsty, morimaitesincahonda-"  
  
"Not too keen on them, are you?" said Christina.  
  
"Indeed I am not," said Treebeard. Many conversations were had and it eventually came round to Gimli and Legolas' trip to Fangorn.  
  
"Come Gimli," said Legolas. "Now by Fangorn's leave I will visit the deep places of the Entwood and see such trees as are nowhere else in Middle Earth. Um..."  
  
"Don't start, Legolas," warned Christina. "I'm not going with you."  
  
"Here then at last comes the ending of the Fellowship of the Ring," said Aragorn.  
  
"What?" said Christina.  
  
"Here then at last comes the ending of the Fellowship of the Ring," he repeated.  
  
"What?" she said. "Oh, wait, I already said that. Why?"  
  
"Well, they're going to Fangorn and we're going on," said Aragorn.  
  
"But. what. we. I." She knew what she wanted to say but she couldn't say it. "I don't understand," she sobbed.  
  
"Well, what is there not to understand?" said Aragorn.  
  
"They're going. but we're going. and I don't know!" she said.  
  
"Again without the gaps, please," said Gimli.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!!!!!" she screamed. Galadriel started sniggering.  
  
"Well, you just said you weren't going with them," said Aragorn, weakly.  
  
"That was before I knew I might not see him for Eru knows how long!!!" she yelled. "It's not fair! I've got to choose between Pippin and Legolas!"  
  
"Why do you have to choose between us?" said Legolas. And his indignation was his downfall.  
  
"There's the small matter of I MAY NEVER SEE PIPPIN AGAIN!!!" She took a moment to calm herself. But then decided she hadn't shouted at him in ages and she needed to do it so desperately.  
  
"What makes you think you're soooo special that I wouldn't even have to consider who to go with?" she shouted, slowly walking towards him. "You're only my fucking boyfriend!!! You are standing between a girl and her gay best friend." - Pippin didn't pick-up on that - "It's NOT a good idea, Legolas! You random dumbass!!!" Galadriel cracked up. "There's nothing stopping me from choosing Pippin over you! In fact, I'm considering it deeply!!!"  
  
"Eep!" was all Legolas managed to say. Celeborn was watching Galadriel with major concern.  
  
"Why are you laughing, dear?" he said. She pointed at Legolas.  
  
"You got told!" she said, before she fell about laughing again.  
  
"So, do you know what you're going to do yet?" said Aragorn.  
  
"No," said Christina. She sat on the floor and sulked.  
  
~ One hour later ~  
  
"Do you know yet?" said Gimli.  
  
"Are you talking to me yet?" said Legolas.  
  
"No and no," she replied.  
  
~ Another hour later ~  
  
"Do you know yet?" said Gimli, again.  
  
"Yeah, come on, Christina," said Merry. "I want to go home."  
  
"Bog off, monkey! Shut up, mole!"  
  
~ And another one ~  
  
"Cristaniel," said Galadriel. "We're all getting very bored. You've been sulking for three hours. Why haven't you made a decision?"  
  
"It's not that simple," she said.  
  
"It's entirely that simple," said Galadriel. "Who do you like more? Legolas or Pippin?"  
  
"Now you're getting ridiculous," said Christina. "I can't choose between them. I love them both as much as each other! Obviously, I love Legolas in a slightly different way to what I do Pippin, but I love them both! I can't choose between them. I want them both!!!" To everyone's shock, particularly Christina's, Galadriel slapped her.  
  
"Well, you can't have them both!" snapped Galadriel. "Cristaniel, I'm sick to death of your pathetic indecisive nature. No great grand niece of mine would behave like this. I'm starting to wonder if you were adopted."  
  
"I. I. I." stuttered Christina.  
  
"Make a decision," said Galadriel, "and quickly." Legolas and Pippin were now standing next to each other. Her head was turning, as she looked from one to the other.  
  
"Then I've got to choose." she started. "Oh, I don't want to-"  
  
"Choose!" growled Galadriel.  
  
"Oh, for Eru's sake!" said Christina. "I choose Pippin!"  
  
**************  
  
A/N: Dun dun dun! Ooh, she chose Pippin over poor Leggers! Oh well, at least she's back to normal. She really needed to have a go at Legolas. She hasn't done that for ages.  
  
But, now I'm going to be cruel. You must decide what the next chapter is to be. Do you want Legolas and Christina's last meeting for Eru knows how long? Or do you want me to continue with Aragorn and Christina leaving them at the Gap of Rohan? And if you want the last meeting, do you want it really soppy and Mary-Sueish or just a sad farewell? I'm not writing until you answer, so it's in your best interests to review soon!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Reviewer notes: Twinkssparklygirl: Well, he wasn't actually a puff in the first place. She just kept calling him it, firstly 'coz she thought he was, then when she liked him she said it to not reveal her feelings. Chel aka Elf Goldfish Cracker: Yes, I did say! But I lol'd a lot at your review! That still doesn't mean you can kill her though!  
  
lil' odd me: Yes, you're very odd! And I hope this is typically Christina enough for you!  
  
edainme: Glad you like!  
  
green-elfin-goddess: Um, I think you like this, though I'm not quite sure. If you do, thanks, if you don't, um, well, something. ShE~V@mP!rE: Christ your name takes a long time to write! But anyway, here you are. Her old bitchiness is back!  
  
Chrissie: Well, there you go. I don't think I need you to answer the question I asked. I'm guessing you're going to say: soppy, romantic, very full-on farewell. Am I right? Åsa: Hey, well, I try! I thought it was quite sweet too. Tafi: The pains you put me through! I'm happy you're all caught up, but did you HAVE to leave me loads of long reviews? Nah, I'm j/k! I luv ya really! I'm glad you're back! I'm just going to pick on one (or possibly two) things from each review you sent me. OK, here goes: Greasy definitely tops hairy! ~ sorry it was a typo! It was meant to say I'm sorry, not I sorry! ~ What the hell are Gimli and Leggers doing? ~ Actually he wasn't calling him stupid. He was just pointing out that I knew Legolas was worried about something. ~ You guessed right. ~ No, it's not my fault! ~ OK, I won't stop the face thingies! ~ You're very blatant, aren't you Tafi? ~ Me? Pervy mind? W/e are you talking about? ~ Glad that I didn't give you a heart attack with my lack of will power! ~ (This is to Thranduil:) 'THAT DAMN GIRL' HAS A NAME, YOU STUPID OLD FART! Ahem, I'm done now. *gets odd looks from fam* What? He called me 'that damn girl' You don't expect me to just accept that, do you? *silence* Fine! ~ Immature, yes, but (as Leggers says.. er, somewhere) 'it's a fool proof way of getting rid of them'! ~ Legolas is a bit slow, isn't he? ~ No, Gimli is not a dog, he's a monkey! ~ over-tackified? What the hell are you on? 'Coz I want some! ~ So, you don't like Mary-Sues? Well, I'm sorry, Tafi, I did it. I couldn't help it! ~ And finally, you're wrong, it's not the end! Obviously! Otherwise I wouldn't be doing this r/n to you!  
  
Lafi: Sorry! I won't take any of your insults etc. to heart! That's it! Considerably longer than I was aiming for, but I don't care!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	42. Ending on a bad note

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR (Tolkien does, but we know this!) or anything else along those lines. I own Christina, Piewacket, lots of Orli pics (but not as many as Lafi), LOTR on DVD and. er. stuff. But not LOTR itself.  
  
A/N: I am one pissed off elf chick! There's two main reasons why. 1) I'm now back at school! Oh the joy. I've only been back two days and I'm already doing bloody coursework; and 2) I can't be in our school production! I reeeeeeeeeeeeally wanna be in it, but I can't! So, now you know: DO NOT FLAME ME! Do you want to know what I will do to you if you do? Well, I'll tell you anyway. If you are a) Male - I will chop off your bollocks and feed them to my best mate's dog; b) female - I'll shout and scream and find out where you live and steal all your make-up and clothes so you have to go around like a cave-woman! (No one wants that!); or c) Both - I'll run away screaming 'coz that's just FREAKISH!!!!!!  
  
So there, you have it! Don't get me riled or you'll seriously regret it.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. Sorry it took so long, as I said I'm back at school now.  
  
Chapter 42  
  
All jaws hit the floor and eyes widened more than is actually possible. They all stared at her.  
  
"Did I just hear you right?" said Galadriel. "You chose Pippin?"  
  
"Yes, I chose Pippin," said Christina.  
  
"You have to be absolutely sure, Christina," said Aragorn, still in shock. "Because you can't change your mind afterwards."  
  
"I know," she said, "and I am certain."  
  
"Why me?" said Pippin, who was just as shocked but very pleased.  
  
"Because I'm probably never going to see you again," said Christina. "But, I will see Legolas again, even if it isn't for a couple of months, or however long he's planning to desert me for."  
  
"Desert you?" he said. "I think you'll find it's the other way around. I'd have been more than happy to have you with us, but you have chosen Pippin over me." There was a lot of jealousy in his voice as he said that last part.  
  
"It's called a joke, Legolas," said Christina, coldly. "Get a grip."  
  
"Well, Legolas," said Gimli. "I think it is time for the parting of friends. We must now take up our journey through Fangorn." Legolas stared at Christina and said only: "Gladly." He turned his back on her and went to his horse, Arod, to collect the few things he had with him.  
  
Christina watched him. 'Why is he being like this?' she thought. 'I justified my choice. What more does he want?' She got a reply she wasn't expecting.  
  
"You chose Peregrin over Legolas," said Galadriel's voice in her mind. "It's understandable that he is behaving as he is. He loves you a lot, Cristaniel, and will miss you sorely."  
  
"But, I may not see Pippin ever again," thought Christina. "Why doesn't he understand that?"  
  
"Given time, he will," said Galadriel.  
  
"But, it may be too late by then."  
  
"Then perhaps you should talk to him now, before he leave."  
  
"Will he listen?"  
  
"I can ask him for you?"  
  
"Would you?"  
  
"I just said I would, didn't I?"  
  
"OK, do it nicely. Just as him if he will speak to me, privately, before he goes," she thought. "Er. please." There was an awkward silence. Christina waited for Galadriel to say something (it didn't occur to her, until afterwards, that she would use her mind). Legolas turned and looked at her. He sighed.  
  
"Very well," he said. The people not included in the in the mental conversation were confused at this sudden remark.  
  
"Pardon?" said Gimli.  
  
"I was talking to Christina," said Legolas. "Wait here a moment while I talk to Christina." Christina walked over to him and they detached themselves from the bulk of the group. When they were out of sight and almost out of earshot, Christina spoke.  
  
"Legolas, I'm sorry," she said.  
  
"Why Pippin?" he said.  
  
"I already told you," she replied. "I'm probably never going to see him again. At least I will see you."  
  
"What if I go back to Mirkwood straight away instead of returning to Gondor or Rohan? You may never see me neither."  
  
"Aragorn is your best friend," said Christina. "You're not going to not see him ever again."  
  
"OK then," he said, "what if I don't stop off at Rohan on the way?"  
  
"I don't know why you'd want to do that?" she said. "I'm going to live in Minas Tirith."  
  
"You are?" he said, losing trail of the conversation for a moment. "Why?"  
  
"Two reasons really: 1) to give Rohan and it's people a break from me and 2) I want to."  
  
"Right then," he said. "But, Christina, I'm probably not going to see you for months!"  
  
"I know, but please try and understand it from my point of view," she said. "Pippin is no longer just a friend; he's my best friend. I've never had a friend like him before. Well, I've never had any friends before, but that's not the point. Anyway, I want to spend as much time with him now as I can."  
  
"I do understand," said Legolas, "but it doesn't mean I'm any happier about it." She took his hand.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. He couldn't help but smile.  
  
"How sorry?" he said, as he gently pulled her towards him.  
  
"Not that sorry," she said. "But, I will miss you. A lot."  
  
"As will I," he said. He leant forward and kissed her. She smiled and returned the kiss, but as she did, she heard:  
  
"Gimli's get- oh, sorry." Aragorn had interrupted them, again.  
  
"Aragorn, dammit!" said Christina, angrily. "Is it your vocation in life to stop me when I'm enjoying myself?!"  
  
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want to come and interrupt you. But they sent because Gimli is getting impatient. I said I'd probably walk in on you kissing but they wouldn't listen."  
  
"Well, can you at least have the decency to let me finish?" she said. "I'm not going to see him Eru knows how long."  
  
"We'll be along in a minute, Aragorn," said Legolas. "Tell Gimli to talk to Lady Galadriel or something. That should keep him occupied." Aragorn nodded and hastily returned to the others.  
  
"I told you!" he said, when he got back. "They were being all." he couldn't think of the word, but they knew what he meant.  
  
"Eurgh!" said the Hobbits in unison.  
  
"They said they'd be back in a minute," said Aragorn. "And Legolas said 'Tell Gimli to talk to Lady Galadriel or something. That should keep him occupied.'" Gimli was about to retort but he was cut off.  
  
"FUCK OFF THEN!" sounded Christina's voice. She came storming towards them. She grabbed her stuff and attached it to Piewacket's saddle quicker than ever. She was mounted and ready to go by the time Legolas had followed her.  
  
"I'm ready to go, Aragorn," she said.  
  
"But Leg-"  
  
"NOW!" And she rode off.  
  
"What happened, Legolas?" said Pippin.  
  
"Just follow her before she gets herself lost or something!" he snapped. 


	43. Will they never learn, Erudammit!

A/N: Get used to the fact that I like unrealistic travel times! Well, actually I'm not sure whether these are unrealistic, but I think you know what I mean.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
  
  
Chapter 43  
  
The travellers now rode with more speed and they made their way towards the Gap of Rohan; and Aragorn and Christina took leave of them at last close to that very place where Pippin had looked into the Stone of Orthanc. The Hobbits were grieved at this parting.  
  
"I wish we could have a Stone that we could see all our friends in," said Pippin, "and that we could speak to them from far away!" (A/N: I cried the first time I read that! I love Pippin sooooo much!)  
  
"Only one now remains that you could use," answered Aragorn; "for you would not wish to see what the Stone of Minas Tirith would show you."  
  
"Shut up, Aragorn, you're spoiling the moment!" said Christina, who was in the middle of crushing the four hobbits with hugs. She left Pippin until last, because she knew she would just break down.  
  
"I really am going to miss you now, Chrissy!" said Pippin, as he hugged her tightly. She was right. She did break down.  
  
"I'll really miss you too, Pip," she sobbed. "But I'll keep in contact with you. I'll send you letters and all crap like that as regularly as possible."  
  
"I'll do the same," he said. Christina felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She turned and Galadriel was standing behind her.  
  
"I'm afraid it is time for you to leave," she said. Christina nodded her head and hugged Pippin one last time. Before she mounted again, she spoken briefly with Galadriel. Since Galadriel was to depart to the Havens in a little over two year's time, Christina would definitely not see her again, and she felt quite sad. Once Galadriel had gone, she would have no close family left (Éomer and Éowyn are only very loosely related to her). But, that could not be helped.  
  
Once they had rode out of sight, Christina sighed heavily.  
  
"So," she said, gloomily, "what now?"  
  
"We shall ride with you back to Edoras," said Aragorn, "where you may gather your belongings. Some of my knights and I shall remain in Edoras with you until you are ready to depart, then the fair Lady Evenstar shall return with us to the City."  
  
"Not much then," she said.  
  
"Are you beginning to regret you choice?" he said. She stayed silent for a moment, staring at Piewacket's mane.  
  
"Yes," she said, eventually. "I should have gone with Legolas. I wouldn't have had as much time with Pippin but at least now I wouldn't be alone."  
  
"You're not alone," he said.  
  
"You know what I mean," she said. "Stop splitting hairs."  
  
"If I am honest, I would say you made the wrong choice," said Aragorn. "But its too late now, Christina. You can't change the past and you cannot go with either now."  
  
"I know all this already," said Christina. "So stop rubbing it in."  
  
They reached Edoras little over a week later. Christina gathered her belongings (of which there were few) and they made ready to depart two days later. Queen Arwen joined them, as planned, and they finally set off. Christina was actually very thankful for her presence for, although being surrounded by men is very nice, it also got very boring. At least there was now someone she could talk to (though she probably wouldn't).  
  
All was going well. There was a pleasant tranquillity over the plains of Rohan, which were now, once more, inhabited with horses. They had just completed their second day's ride from Edoras when disturbing news reached their ears. A messenger came to them and told them of the evil deeds at hand near Minas Tirith. Southrons were attempting to retake Osgiliath.  
  
"How can this be?" demanded the King. "They were all destroyed! We saw to it that no enemy was left alive at the Black Gate. And when we returned, if there were any left we saw to it that they also were destroyed. There were none left!"  
  
"Nay, sire," said the messenger. "These are men that did not fight in the Black Land. Nor did they aid any assault upon Gondor. They say that they are Sauron's best fighters and he was saving them for this day, should you think he was defeated."  
  
"But he is defeated," said Christina. "There was even a bloody witness to the Ring being destroyed. He's gone!"  
  
"I know," the messenger replied. "But, they have attacked the Osgiliath and Prince Faramir sent all that he could to defend it, but many remained behind to protect the City. The people are manic. When I left, news was that it was almost taken by the enemy."  
  
"Then we must ride at once!" cried Aragorn. "Ride now! Ride to Minas Tirith!" And so the company rode with great haste to Minas Tirith. They reached the City ere noon, after three days of almost constant riding. And they arrived, they found the messengers words to be true. People didn't leave their houses unless absolutely necessary and when they did they hurried as if being chased by enemies. Some rejoiced in the return of their King but others felt it too late to do anything,  
  
They reached the palace, where Faramir had taken residence whilst Aragorn was away, and were greeted, gravely, by the Prince of Ithilien. He told Aragorn only what was already known.  
  
"Osgiliath is nearly taken," said Faramir. "I would have joined them but as you left me in charge of the City, I felt I could not. The knights that returned but five days ago have already been sent on."  
  
"Aragorn, we've got to go to Os-Osga-Osgil, oh, whatever it's called!" said Christina. "It cannot be retaken. That's the first step. Once it's taken they will attack the City."  
  
"I am surprised they haven't done so already," said Aragorn. "But, yes, we must ride now to Osgiliath! Faramir, you will ride with us."  
  
"But the City, my lord," he said.  
  
"I do not think they will attempt to take the City yet," he said. "They will make a stronghold first, gather more soldiers."  
  
"Very well," said Faramir.  
  
"Make ready to ride immediately," said Aragorn. "We shall go when you are ready." It took Faramir all of about 15 minutes to prepare, and they left hastily.  
  
By 3 o'clock, they had reached Osgiliath and found a site of destruction. Many bodies (Southrons and Gondorians) littered the earth. They could see that the host of Minas Tirith were slowly being forced back. Osgiliath wasn't completely taken yet, but it wouldn't be long before it was.  
  
"So, what are we going to do?" said Christina.  
  
"Hmm, let's see," said Aragorn. "Fight, perhaps!"  
  
"Sounds good to me!" she said and began to ride ahead. The arrival of more men. er. people seemed to hearten those that were already there and even more so when they saw the presence of King Aragorn (A/N: I know he's actually King Elessar, but I don't care!) and Prince Faramir. Their spirits were lifted and they fought with renewed strength.  
  
Aragorn gave orders for battle; sending soldiers to various locations, but he was excluding Christina. He wasn't doing it on purpose, but all the stress was going to his head and he was forgetting most things.  
  
"Aragorn, I'm not doing anything!" cried Christina. Everyone around her was now fighting, but she wasn't. She was right at the back and all the enemies had been slain in front of her. There were none to the sides or behind.  
  
"Go round to the west-side!" he called back. "There is little defence there!"  
  
"Thank you! Finally!" she said, whilst running at top speed away to her left. After running for about five minutes, she found an area that had 'little defence' and joined them. It was very to her that they were fighting a losing battle. They needed extra defence. She knew she needed to return to Aragorn. They were defeating the Southrons there and a few soldiers wouldn't be missed.  
  
She made her way back to Aragorn, killing men along the way. An arrow whistled passed her neck, grazing it slightly. The shock made her stumble over some dead bodies. She raised her hand to her neck; she wasn't bleeding. 'That's alright then,' she thought. She quickly got up and went on.  
  
She could just about see Aragorn, some 100 metres ahead of her. She stumbled again as a Southron came charging at her. She quickly disposed of him and continued again. She had almost reached Aragorn. 'Damn these Erudamn bloody Southrons!' she thought. 'Why must they constantly think that they defeat Aragorn? Because they can't!'  
  
"Aragorn!" she cried. She finally reached him, but as she did she fell again. He caught her and looked down. There was an arrow protruding from her back.  
  
"Christina?!" he said. But he received no answer. Christina was dead.  
  
************  
  
A/N: The first thing Mary-Jo said when I told her about that was 'Poor Pippin'. The first thing Becky said was 'Poor Legolas'. And I imagine the first thing Tafi and Chel aka Elf Goldfish Cracker will say 'YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! She's dead!' because they both wanted me to kill her off for a long time. Are you happy, girls? I'm not! Christina's my favourite person that I've ever created but I thought it would be quite dramatic for that to happen. Hope you appreciate my depression!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. Do you want more? 


	44. Authors beg for forgiveness!

A/N: I sincerely apologise peeps! The computer that I do my writing is broken! Well, the keyboard is, so I can't write! I've got the nest couple of chapters hand-written so as soon as I get a new keyboard, you shall have your updates! Just so you know, you've got at least 2 chapters coming!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. Damn my stoopid computer! 


	45. Heart wrenching

A/N: I'm using the fam computer coz mine still isn't working! SO, the next update could take some time!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. I'm not personalising reviewer notes today. All I'll say is THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! I have had such an amazing response! I didn't know she was liked so much! But don't worry we've got some humour and other good stuff in the next chapter!!!!! PPS. This chapter is probably gonna be quite short!  
  
Chapter 44  
  
The same message was sent to all fellowship members:  
  
'The King Elessar requests the presence of the fellowship in Minas Tirith as soon as possible. He apologises for the inconvenience but it is of utmost importance that they should return. It is concerning a fellow friend.'  
  
The hobbits moaned and Legolas and Gimli were puzzled. What on Middle Earth could he want? They had only parted a couple of weeks before, what could have happened? There was only one way to find out. They all had to return to Gondor.  
  
It took the hobbits about a month to reach Minas Tirith and Gimli and Legolas arrived on the same day, though it only took them 2 weeks. Aragorn greeted them gravely. He told immediately about the assault on Osgiliath and how they had defeated them.  
  
"This is all very well," said Gimli, in his usual gruff tone, "but I don't see why you had to call us all back."  
  
"I only came because it was a chance to see Chrissy," said Pippin. Aragorn's eyes dropped to the floor. Legolas noticed this sudden depression on Aragorn's part.  
  
"What is it?" said Legolas. "The message you sent said it concerned a member of the Fellowship. You meant Chrissy, didn't you?"  
  
"Yes," he said.  
  
"Where is she?" said Pippin, not noticing Aragorn's depression. Aragorn looked at Pippin and sighed. He had no choice but to tell them, there was not point in putting it off.  
  
"She went with us to defend Osgiliath," he said. "She fell during battle."  
  
"Wha.?! Said Pippin, faintly. "F-fell? But. how? I mean, but, she's Chrissy, she can't have gone." Legolas stayed silent. He was completely speechless. He knew it would be bad, but he thought it would be a serious battle wound at worst.  
  
"I'm sorry, Pippin," said Aragorn, gently. Resting his head on Merry's shoulder, Pippin burst into tears.  
  
"No," he said. And he kept saying it over and over.  
  
"I know it is hard for all of you," said Aragorn. "Come inside now. You must rest from your journey."  
  
"I never really liked her," said Sam, receiving a dark look form Pippin and Legolas. "But she didn't deserve this." They started into the Palace, but Legolas stood where he was.  
  
"I do not wish to sit with you all," he said quietly, when asked why he stood still. "I shall join you later. I wish to be alone now." And he walked off down the road.  
  
"He'll be hit the hardest," sobbed Pippin. "I know I'm sad, but is it good for him to be alone?"  
  
"He's got to deal with his grief in his own way, Pip," said Merry. "I'm here for you, as are Frodo and Sam. You can look to us for support and stuff. But Legolas wants to be alone, and probably doesn't feel like he's close enough to anyone."  
  
"What about Gimli?" said Pippin.  
  
"Would you confide in a dwarf?" said Merry.  
  
"Good point." 


	46. The wake

A/N: Three things. 1) I wrote this chapter before I read any of your reviews! 2) Galadriel's first comment is a real comment made by Guardian of Tears whilst half listening to me explain what happens in this chapter. And 3) I've been asked to humiliate myself in front of you all. And the only reason I'm doing so is coz I'm sick to death of getting it in the neck from GoT about. Some of you may know I have a fear of birds. I'm really quite scared of them. And the reason I'm scared is because just before the easter holidays earlier this year, a pigeon flew into my head. Yes, into my head. And it bloody hurt. And since then, they all swoop at me and ducks go after me dinner! If you want any more info, email me!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. This chapter is quite long, but I'm making up for the lack of updates for Eru knows how long! PPS. I don't care that they didn't have technology and stuff. This is my fic and I'll do what I want, so ner! *sticks tongue out* PPPS. Gandalf is purposely not in this chapter.  
  
  
  
Chapter 45  
  
Legolas looked around the gathering. Every single person had a grim face, but it was nothing compared to what he felt. His grief was so intense that he was slowly but surely deteriorating. He ate one meal a day and drank little. Many people were beginning to worry about him. His face, which was before handsome and full of life, was now ashen and full of sorrow. He felt, also, tremendous guilt. They had ended so badly. 'If only.' he thought.  
  
Pippin felt the same kind of emptiness, though it was impossible for a hobbit to stop eating. In fact, he had actually gained weight due to comfort eating. He was still in denial. She couldn't be gone. She just couldn't. She was Chrissy. Tough as old boots and could withstand anything. She couldn't be gone.  
  
Éomer was surprised at the turn out. He knew a few people from Rohan would show up, but he hadn't expected the whole population. He secretly wondered if they were here to mourn or celebrate her death.  
  
Éowyn was having a hard time keeping a straight face. She knew she should be sad and in mourning, but she couldn't hide the big grin on her face. Even though apologies had been made on both parts, neither had actually forgiven the other. She did feel bad, although, when she let out a rather loud: "YAY!" and started giggling. She had to be escorted out. She later blamed it on too much wine, though everyone knew she hadn't had a drop.  
  
Aragorn stood up. He now had to make a speech about Christina. It wasn't easy, as he knew hardly anything about her, but with Éomer and Legolas' help, he soon had a speech good enough to bore everyone into a deep stupor.  
  
"Christina was an interesting character," he began. "Many different people saw many different sides to her. The majority of us gathered here saw possibly the worst side of her. Sarcastic, arrogant, boastful, intimidating. But some of us also saw the love and kindness she was capable of." Legolas smile din her memory. "To Legolas she was a loving partner who, even though a little controlling, had no regrets of her love for him. To Peregrin she was a best friend. Considerate and caring. She looked after him, like a mother would her child, and was devastated when the time of their parting came. I saw her at work in battle. Fearless and brave. Fighting not only for her own country, but for Gondor too. She died at war- " At this point Galadriel snapped her head up. She found Aragorn boring (but strangely attractive) at the best of times, but she was also drunk, so she was nearly asleep.  
  
"What?" she said, loudly. "Died a whore?" Everyone (except Legolas) had to try and hide a smile at that. They all knew how pervy Christina's mind was, so that remark was rather fitting.  
  
"No dear," said Celeborn, slowly. "Died. At. War."  
  
"Ohh," she said, and then went back to ignoring Aragorn. Aragorn looked around the room. He was nowhere near finished, but he figured he's made his point.  
  
"Look, do you want me to finish," he asked, "or do you want to skip straight to the food?" The four hobbits faces lit up.  
  
"FOOD!" they cried in unison. They all stood up to run to the buffet table, but Legolas grabbed the back of Pippin's shirt and roughly re-seated him.  
  
"You're meant to be mourning," he hissed angrily. Galadriel suddenly stuck her head between them.  
  
"Mooning?" she said, with a broad grin on her face. "Who's mooning? Is it Aragorn?" Complete horror was on the faces of Aragorn, Arwen, Legolas and Pippin. Arwen marched over to her grandmother and slapped her.  
  
"That's my husband!" she shouted.  
  
"I'm your grandmother!" cried Galadriel, hitting her back. On the realisation that her grandmother was hitting on her husband, Arwen ran away screaming.  
  
"That's disgusting," said Legolas.  
  
"That's disgusting," repeated Pippin.  
  
"That's just plain damn nasty!" said Aragorn and then went to find Arwen. Galadriel shrugged and went over to the food table.  
  
Legolas sighed miserably. The wake was turning into a circus. Galadriel and Gimli were drunk, the hobbits were stuffing their faces with food (as usual), Aragorn had gone to find Arwen, Celeborn was trying to make Galadriel behave and everyone else were just having freakish conversations. 'I'm so sorry, Christina,' he thought.  
  
He looked around the room to see if anyone was being at least semi- normal or having a semi-normal conversation. No one was. He picked up on the conversation between Galadriel and some Elves of Lórien.  
  
"And I said to her: 'Christina, you have elvish ancestry. Your great- grandmother was my sister.' And do you know what she said?" asked Galadriel.  
  
"No, ma'am," they said, monotonously.  
  
"She said me, and this is the Eru's honest truth, this is what she said. She said this to me. Me. Lady Galadriel. Me. As in me. The Lady of the Golden Wood. She said this. She-"  
  
"Just get on with it!" cried Haldir. He received a hard slap for that.  
  
"Don't rush me!" she shouted. "I'm your superior! Anyway, she to me: 'So you mean I'm a sort of diluted Elf?' and I was like 'Okaaaaay then, but yeah.' And that's how she found out she had elvish lineage."  
  
"I don't mean to sound rude, ma'am," said a young Elf (well, young for an Elf, anyway), not noticing the winces from the others. "But, we were talking about archery." A few seconds later, that Elf was flying across the room.  
  
Pippin was in the midst of eating four cakes at once, when he turned to Legolas.  
  
"Do you think Chrissy would be happy with the way this is all going?" she said.  
  
"NO!" said Legolas, not believing that question had just been asked.  
  
"I thought you might say that," he said.  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" sounded across the room. "MY RING ID GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!" Galadriel was staring at her hand.  
  
"No calm down, dear," said Celeborn, slowly (in that really patronizing voice used on old peeps). ""When did you last have it?"  
  
"When I was getting a drink," she sobbed. Then her eyes lit up and she ran over to the buffet table. "I think I dropped it in the punch!" Everyone in the room looked down at the cups in their hands, grimaced and put the cups down. Galadriel plunged her hand into the punch bowl and started fishing around in it. Pippin, who was standing next to her, started choking.  
  
"MY RING!" she shouted. "GIVE IT BACK!" She picked him up, turned him upside down and started shaking him.  
  
"HHHEEELLLPPPPP!" he jittered.  
  
"Cough it up!"  
  
"HELP!"  
  
"I want my ring!" Then she stopped and dropped him on his head.  
  
"OOWWW!"  
  
"How regular are you?" she asked.  
  
"EWWW! Nan!" cried Arwen.  
  
"What?" said Galadriel, innocently. "I want my ring."  
  
"I am very regular," said Pippin, proudly.  
  
"PIPPIN!" said Merry, in the 'disgraced mother' voice. "We don't want to hear the details of your toilet habits. So please quit telling us."  
  
"1) I wasn't telling you, I was telling Lady Galadriel. 2) She asked. And 3) You already know my toilet habits, so stop asking disgusted," said Pippin. Merry blushed slightly.  
  
"Well, I don't want to wait that long anyway," said Galadriel. "Anyone got a scalpel on them?"  
  
"ARGH!" Pippin dived behind the other three hobbits.  
  
"You're not going to do anything to our Pip!" said Merry, defiantly.  
  
"I cannot allow it either," said Aragorn. "As he is still a knight of Gondor."  
  
"I wish Chrissy was here!" said Pippin, ignoring the other two that were sticking up for him. "She wouldn't let anything happen to me if she was here!"  
  
"Well she's not here, is she?!" snapped Legolas. "She's dead. She's not coming back! We've all just got to get on with our lives." He marched over to the buffet table poured a glass of wine and knocked it back. Everyone watched in silence. He had a point.  
  
"Legolas is right," said Aragorn. "We're gathered here to say our final goodbyes to her. Not to bicker and argue and threaten young hobbits. So, let us raise our glasses in her memory. To Christina!"  
  
"TO CHRISTINA!"  
  
Meanwhile, Christina was looking into a scrying pool. The look on her face darkened as each second passed.  
  
"Not happy," she growled. She was in the Halls of Mandos. She was quite happy were she was (that moment not included), the Halls was quite a cool place to be, but it got quite boring now and then. So, from time to time, she had a look in the scrying pool to see what her old friends were doing. She had found out a few days previously about her burial and decided it was a definite must. The burial went quite well, but the wake was a disaster.  
  
She was immensely angered when Galadriel had called her a whore, implied she was a freak, shook an upside down Pippin violently and then dropped him on his head. She was extremely worried about Legolas. He looked very ill. 'He'll be joining me soon if he' not careful,' she thought grimly. And she was thankful to Aragorn for trying to restore some order and sombreness to the funeral feast.  
  
She looked down again. 'So much for order,' she thought. Aragorn appeared to now be playing some variation of 'tag' with the Lórien Elves. Legolas gave up.  
  
"Fuck it, I'm getting pissed!" he said. The four hobbits, Aragorn and Gimli all looked at him. "What? Can't a guy swear when he' depressed?"  
  
"But you never swear," said Sam, timidly.  
  
"I do now!"  
  
"It's extremely hot in here," said Gimli, changing the subject completely. Then his eyes flashed and he started doing some horrid, scary little 'dance' thing.  
  
"It's gettin' hot in herre! So take off all your clothes!" On 'your' he pointed at Galadriel. She considered it for a moment and then proceeded to do so. Celeborn leapt in front of her, arms spread, trying to block her from view.  
  
"Nothing to see here!" he cried. All heard a dull 'thud'. Galadriel had fallen over and was now asleep.  
  
"Ok then." said Celeborn. Gimli shrugged and continued.  
  
"I am feelin' so hot! I wanna take my clothes off!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the entire assembly, shielding their eyes. Suddenly crying Elf children (A/N: Yes, I know there not meant to be seen, but hey, this is me! I do odd things!) appeared from no where. Everyone looked down.  
  
"Awha?" was the general reaction. They disappeared as quickly as they had appeared (A/N: ACK! It's a Clare moment!). "Strange."  
  
Christina couldn't take anymore. Gimli threatening to take his clothes is enough for anyone, especially a fragile, clean-minded, young virgin. Er... yeah, right.  
  
"Got to find Mandos!" she said. She ran quickly through the Halls, stopping briefly every now and then to a) be told off for running and disturbing the peace (to which she replied 'get stuffed') or b) to ask if anyone had seen him. She eventually found him looking in another scrying pool.  
  
"Mandos! Please!" she pleaded, hands clasped. This wasn't the first time she'd asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, Cristaniel," he replied. "But homesickness is not a reasonable excuse."  
  
"But it's utter chaos down there!" she cried.  
  
"It normally is," he said.  
  
"There's a dwarf threatening to do a strip tease!" Mandos' eyes widened.  
  
"EWWWW! OK, you can go! But only for 5 minutes. Got that? FIVE minutes. I was in need of a laugh anyway."  
  
"YAY! Thank you so much!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek. He fainted. "Well, will you look at. Dammit, I made him faint. I'm just going to have to set the timer myself."  
  
She entered a room not far from where Mandos lay. It was a sort of reception thing, but with no desk and no receptionist. It was where the newbies were met. It was rarely used the other way. The timer on the wall was set at zero.  
  
"Hmm," she mused, "I guess that's the timer. I wonder how it works. I've never been told. Ooh, there's lots of buttons. I wonder what that one does." She pressed a large red button. The timer immediately said 24:00. "Oops, I set it for 24 hrs. Mandos is going to be reeeeeeeally angry... oh well."  
  
"I wonder what happens when you die," said Pippin.  
  
"I dunno," said Merry.  
  
"Do you think there'll be a garden I can tend to?" said Sam.  
  
"I dunno," said Merry.  
  
"DO you think there'll be stuff I can write with?" said Frodo.  
  
"I don't know," said Merry, more forcefully.  
  
"I wonder if there will be things I can chop up," said Gimli.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW, DAMMIT!" shouted Merry.  
  
"Calm down, Merry," said Aragorn. "They weren't actually asking you. They were rhetorical questions."  
  
"Reto-what?" said Merry.  
  
"Rhetorical," repeated Aragorn. "Questions that aren't asked to be answered."  
  
"Er, right," said Merry.  
  
"It's getti'-" started Gimli.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Sam. "No! NONONONONONONO! Not again! I can't take it!"  
  
"I was going to say it's getting dark," said Gimli.  
  
"Yeah, right," muttered Pippin.  
  
"What's the definition of 'transmogrification'?" said Galadriel, suddenly.  
  
"Eh?" said Aragorn.  
  
"What's the definition of 'transmogrification'?" she repeated.  
  
"I have absolutely no idea," said Aragorn. "Why on Middle Earth do you want to know that?"  
  
"I want to go to sleep," she said, and fell to the floor for the tenth time or something like it. Celeborn went to her side and picked her up. "EWWW! Get off me!" She slapped him.  
  
"I'm your husband!" he said, indignantly.  
  
"Only when I want something!" He dropped her.  
  
At that moment, the door opened with a loud 'BOOM!' It was practically blown off its hinges. Dust arose from the surrounding furniture and a loud voice from beyond the door astounded them all.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WAKE?!?!?!" 


	47. Honey, i'm home!

Chapter 46  
  
The distinct female voice rang out across the hall. A face and body were put to it a couple of seconds later. A tall young woman, of about 25, with hair and clad as the people of Rohan were. She didn't look happy, at all. Her hands were on her hips and her eyes were narrowed.  
  
"Well," she said, "does someone want to explain why it's turning into a circus down here? You're meant to be mourning!!!" Some random human dude found this all too much and went into hysterics.  
  
"ARGH! She's come back from the dead! She's going to kill us all! AAGGRRGGHH!!" And he dived out the window.  
  
"No, she's not," she said. (Think 'The Simpsons') In a sort of rewind motion, the man came back through the window crying: "!!HHGGRRAA" And landed on his feet. He straightened his tie (A/N: FICTION being the most important word in fanfiction). "Continue," he said, calmly.  
  
"Yes, er. right then," she said. "Where was I? Oh yes, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" Galadriel stood up and looked at her.  
  
"Hi Christina!" she said and just stood there waving at Christina. Gandalf came running through the open door.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he cried. "I woke up late and- what the-"  
  
"WOKE UP LATE! Oh, that's nice! It's my funeral and you woke up late?!?!" said Christina, indignantly. She hit him. "That's for waking up late!" She hit him again. "And that's because I haven't hit any one for about 3 months." She paused for a moment and then it him again. "And that's for missing my funeral. Eh? I just realised how odd that sounds. I'm dead! COOL! I wonder if I can walk through walls." She walked at a wall and whacked her head off it. "Nope." Legolas fainted. Then she heard:  
  
"Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy! Chrissy!" She turned and Pippin was jumping up and down on the spot. It was getting very annoying.  
  
"Yeah, stop now," she said. "That's very irritating." He stopped and lunged at her. Clinging tightly to her waist.  
  
"I knew you weren't dead really! I knew you'd come back!" he said.  
  
"Only for 24 hours," she said. Pippin burst into tears. "Well, you're lucky it's even that. It's only a day now because I made Mandos faint and had to set the timer myself."  
  
"You made Mandos faint," said Aragorn, disbelievingly. "How?" What the hell was going on? He was there when she died. He had checked her pulse several times. He had watched her be buried earlier on that day. How the hell could she be here?  
  
"Oh, er, well, I gave him a kiss and he fainted," she said. Legolas leapt to his feet.  
  
"You WHAT?!?!" he cried.  
  
"Only on the cheek," she added, quickly.  
  
"Oh, that's all right then," he said, and fainted again.  
  
"So, why'd did you kiss him?" said Merry.  
  
"I asked him if I could come back and, after some persuading, he said yes. I gave him a kiss to say thank you and he fainted. Then I pressed this button on the timer, and it was set for 24 hours instead of 5 minutes," she said, innocently. She then realised that Pippin was still attached to her. She tried to walk away, but he clung to her leg. Eventually, she twisted his ear, painfully, lifted him off the ground (still holding only his ear... ow!) and placed him down about 2 ft away from her. "Stay."  
  
"Yes, Chrissy," he giggled. She looked around the room. Everyone was staring at her except Pippin, who was giggling, Galadriel, who was drinking, and Legolas, who had fainted.  
  
"Will someone pick him up please?" she sighed. Two Elves lifted him up and placed him on a chair. He slowly opened his eyes to find two crystal blue ones staring right back at him.  
  
"Awww, honey, are you OK?" said Christina, gently.  
  
"Am I dreaming?" said Legolas, confusedly. "Because I know you died."  
  
"Nope, I'm really here," she said. "I got permission off Mandos. I'm here for a day."  
  
"But. but. but." he couldn't say what he wanted.  
  
"Don't think about it and you won't get confused," she said. She placed a quick kiss on his lips and then turned back to the others. "You know, you still haven't explained why this has gone all crapped up." (A/N: The usual elegant Christina speech!)  
  
"There's the small matter of you coming back from the dead that has silenced us all," said Aragorn. He looked at Galadriel and Pippin. "Well, most of us."  
  
"Well, I've decided I don't care," she said, finality in her voice. That was the end if the conversation. "So, what are we going to do now?"  
  
"Well, what exactly can you do with a dead girl?" said Galadriel, she'd stopped waving but was still staring at Christina.  
  
"You know, that really doesn't make me feel good about myself," she said. "I know I am dead, but I'm physically here at the moment so I can't be dead. can I?"  
  
"Why don't we dig up your body and see?" said Galadriel.  
  
"You know, I think that is the weirdest thing you've ever said," said Christina. "I don't really want to know what has happened to my body now that I no longer possess it."  
  
"Really?" said Galadriel. "Why not?"  
  
"That is just gross," said Pippin, losing his hyperactivity for a moment. "Anyway, so Chrissy! Why'd you come back? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?"  
  
"Shut up, Pippin," she said, sweetly. "I came back because I had to stop Gimli from stripping. And I wanted to apologise to Legolas. And I wanted to see you, Pip."  
  
"YAY!"  
  
"And now I have about 23¾ hours to waste," she said. "So, I better get doing. something!"  
  
"Well, you chose a rather inconvenient time to come back, Christina," said Aragorn. "Being as it's quarter past 4 now. You've got until 4 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Most of that time you normally spend asleep."  
  
"Yes, but today is different," she said. "Today I: 1) am dead, 2) only need to sleep for about 1 hour and 3) know the exact time I am leaving and never returning tomorrow." She stopped. It was properly sinking in now. She was lucky enough to have a second chance on Middle Earth. She had one last chance to sort out the things she left unfinished. But once the time was up, she really would never see them again. At least not until they died. She could watch over them in the scrying pool, she could speak to them in dreams, but she would never be on Middle Earth again.  
  
"Chrissy?" said Pippin, seeing the sudden notch in her mood.  
  
"I. it's nothing," she said. She smiled at the hobbit, then knelt and held him close. "I've missed you, Pippin." Pippin returned the hug.  
  
"But you're here now, Chrissy," he said.  
  
"Yeah, I'm here now," she said, sadly. 


	48. Farewell

Disclaimer: Don't LOTR, blah blah blah, we all know that! But I now own something other than Christina! YAY! I own Dúrthin! YAY! And I got the elvish from FOTR and another story.  
  
A/N: HURRAH!!! My keyboard is working again, YAY! So, updates will be more frequent again now! Just thought I'd tell you. I have no idea how she'd really go, so I'm making it up. I've made up a lot of stuff in this chapter. Luvs Elfie xXxXx PS. I realize that dead dudes and chicks are meant to be spirits and not physically there, but I've decided they are physically there now, so ner! PPS. This chapter is a bit soppy and generally 'eurgh!', as I like to call it, at the beginning, and if you don't like. TOUGH! PPPS. I know I don't normally use the word Angband but. well. I do now!  
  
Chapter 47  
  
Christina wrapped her arms around Legolas' neck and cried.  
  
"I'm going to miss you," she whispered.  
  
"Not as much as I'll miss you," he replied. What she said next surprised him.  
  
"Amin mela lle, Legolas," she whispered. (I love you, Legolas)  
  
"When did you learn to speak elvish?" he asked.  
  
"You get a lot of spare time in the Halls of Mandos," she said. "I can say a fair bit now. Well, more than before, anyway. Not that I could speak any before, but that's not the point. OK, so I can't speak that much, but I think you know what I mean." He smiled at her babbling. It was so typically Christina.  
  
"Renech i lu nel ol reniannen?" she said with a smile. He smiled back at her. (Do you remember when we first met?)  
  
"Uma," he said. "Nauthannen i ned ol reniannen." (Yes, I thought I'd strayed into a dream)  
  
"Amin sin," she said, cheekily. He frowned a little. 'She hasn't changed,' he thought. "Renech i beth i pennen?" (I know. Do you remember what I told you?)  
  
"Yes," said Legolas dryly, returning to Westron speech. "You said I was 'very gay'. What of it?"  
  
"Well, I've changed my mind," she said. His face lightened a little. 'NOT!" He frowned.  
  
"You know that really doesn't say much about you, Christina," said Aragorn. "Because then doesn't that mean that your gay, or a man, or going out with a man, or something?" She walked over and hit him.  
  
"That's for. whatever you said!" she said. "I'm guessing it was an insult since it started with 'that doesn't say much for you'. or something." They both stood there in silence with a O_o look on there face for a few seconds.  
  
"Awha?" said Aragorn.  
  
"Meh!" she said and shrugged.  
  
"Er. yeah," said Aragorn. She walked back over to Legolas.  
  
"I'm sorry, where were we?" she said. "Oh yeah. Amin mela lle, Legolas, ten'oio," she whispered. (I love you, Legolas, forever)  
  
"Amin sin," he replied. (I know)  
  
"I want you to promise me something," she said. "Promise me that you'll look after yourself. Promise that you'll eat and drink properly and all that. I was watching you before and you were really scaring me."  
  
"But, I don't see the point of even being here without you," he said, sadly.  
  
"Legolas, you have a long, no, make that very long life ahead of you," she said. gently. "I won't allow you to throw it away over me. I'm not worth that."  
  
"Yes, you are." She held her hand to his mouth.  
  
"No, I'm not," she said, more forcefully. "Don't argue with me."  
  
"Isn't it a good thing that he thinks you're worth dying for?" said Merry.  
  
"No!" she said. "I don't want him to die!"  
  
"But he'll be with you then," said Sam.  
  
"I don't want him to die because then he'll be. dead!" she said.  
  
"Nah!" said Frodo, sarcastically.  
  
"Shut it, shortie!" she hissed. Frodo looked very hurt by that remark. "Oh, get over it!" Legolas looked Aragorn and shrugged.  
  
"At least I know she cares," he said.  
  
"If you call that caring," said Aragorn.  
  
"Um, me!" said Christina, bringing the attention back to her. "In case you've forgotten, I'm a bit pushed for time, so can I get back to being saying bye and being sad now? Thank you." She hugged Legolas tightly again. "I love you so, so much, Legolas, and I don't want you to ever forget that. And I'll always be with you." She kissed him one last time, then stepped away from him.  
  
She walked to Pippin, and he burst out crying.  
  
"Why do you have to go?" he said, as he threw his arms around her.  
  
"My time here is over, Pip," she sobbed. "My time here was over about a month ago, but I got a chance to come back. I've already had a day longer than I was meant to have."  
  
"But it's not fair," he cried. "I don't want you to go!"  
  
"I don't want to go either," she said, soothingly, "but I don't have a choice."  
  
"I don't want you to go," he repeated, softly.  
  
"Pippin, I'll never truly be gone," she said. "No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. You're the best friend I've ever had, I'll never forget you." Pippin chuckled grimly.  
  
"Anyone would think I'm leaving, not you," he said.  
  
"Just because I'm dead," she said, "doesn't mean I've lost or am going to lose my memory."  
  
"I know," he said.  
  
"Christina," said Aragorn, "it's nearly time." She hugged Pippin and Legolas one last time, quickly said goodbye to the others and then stood in the middle of the room. A brilliant white light filled the room, causing all to look away and shield their eyes. When they turned back, she'd gone. 


	49. WHAT THE?

Chapter 48  
  
All Christina sensed was utter darkness and a sound of rushing wind. She had the feeling she was being lifted off the ground and travelling at a great speed. But she didn't know what was really happening because she had her eyes squeezed tightly shut.  
  
When all these sensations stopped, she opened her eyes. Wherever she was, it wasn't the Halls of Mandos. She was in a great hall, all right, but it was dimly lit with hundreds of torches, burning in the gloom, as if she were under ground. It was quite different to the brightly-lit Halls of Mandos that were full of happiness and people and the sound of laughter.  
  
"Where in Angband am I?" she said aloud, though she wasn't speaking to anyone.  
  
"Correct, Christina," sounded a voice in the darkness.  
  
"Awha?" she said. A tall man stepped forward. His hair and beard were silver-grey and he was robed in black. He was carrying a pitchfork (don't ask). There was a glint in his eyes that made Christina feel wary and put her on edge.  
  
"Who are you, what are you, where am I, what do you mean by correct and how do you know my name?" she said.  
  
"Which would you like me to answer first?" he said. "Well, firstly, I am Dúrthin, and am a Maiar spirit. I know your name because I was informed of your arrival, and we've been watching you for some time now, down here in Angband." Christina's eyes widened in horror.  
  
"AWHA?!?!?!" she cried. "Why the Angband am I in Angband?!?!?!"  
  
"Mandos was highly unimpressed with your little escapade back to Middle Earth," said Dúrthin. "And he also considered you too horrible to stay in the Halls of Mandos, to stay there you must be saintly."  
  
"What are you saying?" she growled.  
  
"That you're not saintly," he said. "And you can't kill me because I'm already dead. Anyway, he changed the location setter to here so that you would come hither immediately."  
  
"But I'm not evil!" she said. "Sauron was evil! Saruman was evil!"  
  
"Hi!" Saruman popped up from no where and was waving.  
  
"Hi," she said, glancing at him, then swiveling round in shock. "Weird. Anyway, I'm not evil! At little bed tempered, maybe, but not evil! I wanna go back to the Halls!"  
  
"None leave the depths of Angband," said Dúrthin, his voice containing evident amusement. "You shall remain here now for eternity."  
  
"But why?" she whinged. She wasn't going to be defeated that easily. "I don't deserve to be here!"  
  
"From what I've seen. I have to disagree," he said. "Now, if you'll follow me, I'll show you around." She nodded gloomily and followed. "I'll show you were you'll be working," he added. She stopped in her tracks.  
  
"Working?" she said. "Nuh-uh, no way, I ain't doing no work I left work in Middle Earth. I'm going to have me some fun. Can I borrow your pitchfork?"  
  
"No," he said.  
  
"Well, I'm not working," she said. "Please can I borrow your pitchfork?"  
  
"No," he said again.  
  
"Please can I borrow it?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"I'M NOT WORKING," she yelled as she spotted a doorway to her left. She walked towards her but Dúrthin was suddenly blocking her path.  
  
"I've already told you," he said, irritably, "none leave the depths of Angband. You're here for eternity."  
  
"Fine, have it your way!" she said and rugby tackled him. He fell to the ground with an almighty bump. Christina stood up and she now had the pitchfork. She laughed evilly.  
  
"YAY!" she said and ran off in the direction of what she at first thought was people then realized were orcs. She looked at them and stood still for a moment. 'Hmmm, orcs,' she thought. 'Bad guys. Then again I am in Angband. Meh!' Then her eyes blazed with fury.  
  
"I know you!" she shouted, pointing at some random orc. "You were in Moria!" She charged at him, waving the pitchfork maniacally in the air. He turned and ran, but she was faster. When she caught up with him, she poked him in the arse.  
  
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" the orc cried. (A/N: I think I would too if I had a pitchfork rammed up my ass!)  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled. She turned and saw another orc. 'YOU KIPNAPPED MY POOR PIPPIN! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" she ran after him and he received the same treatment.  
  
"We surrender!" cried the lead orc, (A/N: Let's call him Fred!) after she had tortured at least half of them.  
  
"Yeah, we surrender!" they all agreed.  
  
"Orcs surrendering to a woman," she said. They all nodded frantically. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day that orcs surrendered anyway, but to little old me? That's just bloody brilliant!" She cackled again and waved the pitchfork again. Then she stopped. "I'm sorry, I just can't do the whole evil thing. It's just not me. Let's just all sit down and have a chat instead, yes?"  
  
"Does that mean you'll stop poking us?" said Fred.  
  
"Yep," she said.  
  
"Yup, OK, fine with us, up to you, whatever you want, take a seat." These were just a few of the answers she received.  
  
"OK," she said when they had finally all settled. "So, did you guys really used to be elves?"  
  
"Yeah," replied Fred.  
  
"And they took you and tortured you and then you became orcs?" she said.  
  
"Yeah," said Fred.  
  
"So why do you work for them?" she said. "It's not as if the pay is any good." The orcs mumbled amongst themselves for a few seconds.  
  
"Yeah!" said Fred (A/N: is that all he can say?) "Come one lads! We shouldn't stand for this! We have as many rights as the next person! We have the right to form a mutiny! What do you say?"  
  
"YEAH!" they all cheered. (A/N: Orcs have very limited vocab, don't they?)  
  
************  
  
Meanwhile, Mandos was pacing a small room. It was odd not having Christina around, causing mayhem and begging to go back to Middle Earth. He couldn't look in on her as the scrying pools could not see into the 'depths of Angband', as Dúrthin liked to call it, or 'Hell', as everyone else called it.  
  
"Perhaps I should go and see if she's ready to come back yet?" he said aloud. Sending Christina to Angband was never going to be a permanent thing. It was merely to teach her NOT to mess with Mandos. He was hoping that she'd be so horrified with being there and so emotional from leaving Middle Earth that it would make her see sense, and stop being. well. annoying.  
  
He quickly set the location setter to 'Angband' and set the timer to 'unlimited' (A/N: since he's Mandos he can do things his own way and think things and it happens and all kinds of cool crap!) and soon was down in Hell.  
  
His mouth gaped as he stared at the chaos surrounding him.  
  
"What in the name of wonder happened?" he said, as he saw Dúrthin hanging upside down from a doorframe. "She's only been here six hours!"  
  
"Does she run on Duracell batteries?" moaned Dúrthin. (A/N: I repeat, FICTION!) "She's over there." Mandos looked in the direction he was weakly pointing and saw Christina poking a huge, lidless, flaming eye.  
  
"OW!" squealed Sauron. "What did I do to deserve this?" *poke*  
  
"For one, you mutilated perfectly good elves!" *poke* "2) you're in league with Saruman, who ordered the kidnapping of my best mate!" *poke* "3) You ordered that bloody great Balrog to try and eat us! Well, apparently." *poke* "4) You made the One Ring!"  
  
"But you'd never have met your Elf boy thing if I hadn't made it!" he said, defensively. *poke* "AARRGGHH!!"  
  
"5) He's not an Elf boy thing, he's an Elf. And a damn fine one at that! *poke* 6) And his name is Legolas!" *poke*  
  
"OW! What was the extra poke for?"  
  
"For insulting my little - well not so little - Leggy lulu!"  
  
"Cristaniel!" bellowed Mandos. He couldn't bear to watch any more. His own eyes were hurting.  
  
"Yeah-ah! Hello!" she said when she saw him. A look of horror spread over her face. "I wasn't being bad-" she hit Saruman over her shoulder with out looking. "-honest!"  
  
"Ow! My nose!" wailed Saruman.  
  
"Shut up, Saruman!" she hissed. "Honest!" she said, turning to Mandos.  
  
"Please take her!" cried Dúrthin. "She's having fun! You're not meant to have fun down here!"  
  
"I'm not having fun, I'm just enjoying myself!" she said. (A/N: How very like the author she is. I often say things like that. I said the other day: 'You're smarter than me, but I know more 'coz I'm older'. And I meant it as well! *sighs* Oh well. We can't all be sensible.)  
  
"Can I have my pitchfork now?" said Dúrthin.  
  
"It's not yours, it's mine! My only! My preciousss!" she said, taking the piss out of Bilbo.  
  
"Oh, shut up," said Mandos.  
  
"Well, it is precious! I've wounded Sauron and Saruman many times with this fork."  
  
"There's a rebellion of orcs!" said Dúrthin, changing the subject completely. "She turned them against me! The orcs are revolting!"  
  
"We know this," said Mandos.  
  
"No, I mean in the rebel way!"  
  
"Revolting rebels?" he mused. "Yes, we know this."  
  
"Oh, shut up," said Christina, and whacked Dúrthin so that he swung in the doorway, banging his head many times either side of the doorframe. He eventually fell into a little heap on the floor where he lay there groaning in pain.  
  
"Please take her!" he said. "I'll do anything! ANYTHING! I'll even become good!" He paused. "OK, so maybe I won't do that, but I'll do most other things if you'll just take her away!" Mandos looked at her, now very impressed. She had an evil Maiar spirit, begging for her to be taken, promising to do anyting but be good.  
  
"Perhaps you're not completely terrible after all," he said with a grin. "Are you ready to go?"  
  
"Am I ever?" she said. She turned to a group of orcs that had made mini pitchforks and were now poking Saruman. "See you, guys!"  
  
"Bye Christina!" they said.  
  
When they got back to the Halls, she sighed.  
  
"Well, that was an interesting experience." 


End file.
